Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

It’s a dog one. Who was being unreasonable?

508 replies

Ohhelpicantthinkofaname · 05/12/2022 18:02

So, I own a friendly, if slightly mad medium sized dog.

today we were out on a walk and was heading back up a footpath with a stream to the side. Most people have their dogs off the lead along this path, it’s nothing unusual.

so I’m walking up the path and my dog is a little way ahead. A child approx 20+ meters away see my dog, screams and runs back to his mum. The child is probably 7-9 years old. I call my dog back so she’s near me.

A man who was with them and I think a friend rather than the child’s father comes up to me and says “that child is scared of dogs”. I reply “ok, well my dog likes kids, but I’ll take her over here” and walked over to where the stream was a threw her ball in so she would just play and ignore them as they walked by.

the man gave me the filthiest look and mutter some choice things about me under his breath.

to my mind it’s better for a child with a fear of dogs to see a dog at a safe distance minding its own business, rather than me panicking and rushing to put it back on the lead, making it seem like there really is something to fear. My dog has good recall and I trusted her not to cause an issue. Also at that child’s age I would have thought some exposure to dogs to try and address what is clearly quite a serious fear would be a good thing, rather than feeding into it by trying to ensure he doesn’t encounter any dogs.

so was I unreasonable for not putting my dog straight back on the lead, and the man was justified for his glaring and muttered insults. Or is it fine to keep her off the lead, occupied and at a safe distance?

The kid passed by without incident btw. If I though my dogs would have actually done anything she would have been on the lead.

OP posts:
GoodMorningMissBliss · 05/12/2022 18:34

I think you handled it well, OP. You called your dog back and lead it away from the child so it could pass by. I don't see the issue.

Newusername3kidss · 05/12/2022 18:34

YABU
Your comment about your dog “liking kids” would have had me muttering under my breath about you- was totally uncalled for.

a quick “I’m sorry” and dog on lead for 2 mins and everyone happy

GuyFawkesDay · 05/12/2022 18:35

Some people on here can't read or are being deliberately obtuse.

The dog didn't jump up at or approach the child. It was safely recalled well away from any other humans.

There's no issue here. I get it that people don't want off lead dogs to approach them. It's why mine is whistle trained. But there's taking it to extremes when there's plenty of space here there's no issues

And it definitely doesn't excuse the man's rudeness.

SilverTotoro · 05/12/2022 18:35

YANBU. You kept your well behaved dog away from their child. The man’s approach muttering at you sounds a bit aggressive and not helpful in reassuring a child with a phobia.

GoodVibesHere · 05/12/2022 18:35

Put a lead on your dog, ffs

LightDrizzle · 05/12/2022 18:36

Ohhelpicantthinkofaname · 05/12/2022 18:30

Yes, their pho is is irrational, but they are old enough to work on their fears in a rational way.

we’ve helped serval of my kids friends get over their irrational fear of dogs by exposing them to our dogs in a graded way.

@Ohhelpicantthinkofaname - but presumably when you’ve helped in this way it’s been under controlled conditions? Not the unexpected and impromptu scenario that occurred with this child in the moment.
You weren’t awful, I just think in this situation once you knew the child was fearful, the best thing is to attach the lead and it comes at little cost to you or your dog. I assume part of their training has been putting the lead on rewarding and releasing mid walk so it wouldn’t have signified the End of Days.

eyeslikebutterflies · 05/12/2022 18:36

@Mouk there's no such thing as "dog parks" in the UK. There are parks and there are .... er.... parks.

OP, YANBU. You demonstrated you had good control of your dog, by calling her to you, and you then moved your dog away from the child/family, by throwing the ball in the opposite direction. No need at all for your dog to be on a lead in those circs.

MN does hate dogs, btw, I've stopped posting on here about mine, as it's always "all dogs should be on a lead forever at all times preferably chained to a large rock, even when asleep, and btw can you cut their legs off while you're at it". It is not a reasonable place to talk about dogs!!

Whatifiwereareindeer · 05/12/2022 18:37

You might “know” your dog is well behaved, has good recall etc. But the number of times my child has been pestered, run up to, chased and even had a sandwich grabbed out of his hand by dogs who were “friendly”, “playing”, “never normally like that”, “usually come straight back” etc means that I do not care what anyone tells me about their dog’s behaviour - I don’t trust dogs or their owners as far as I can throw them. That’s the fault of other dog owners, not mine or my child’s (whose fear in my opinion is totally rational and reasonable.) Dogs on footpaths or in public parks should be on a lead. If you want to let it randomly roam about take it to a dog park. Man had no reason to be rude though, he should have asked more politely.

CaptainThe95thRifles · 05/12/2022 18:37

I wouldn't have leashed my dog under those circumstances, where the dog could be taken off the path and kept under loose but under close control at a safe distance.

I would have leashed him if the child had needed to pass close by the dog on a narrow path, not because my dog would have been remotely interested in the child, but purely as a reassurance tactic.

Around here, though, the child would never get out in public as there are lots of loose, out of control dogs whose owners don't give a damn. People 🙄

GuyFawkesDay · 05/12/2022 18:37

MN is mad sometimes and completely ungrounded in any sort of reality

MoreSleepPleasee · 05/12/2022 18:37

Yabu my friends allergic to dogs and has had to shout for a dog owner to control their 'friendly' dog when it was rubbing up against her legs trying to get attention.

GoodMorningMissBliss · 05/12/2022 18:38

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Wtf?

Ohhelpicantthinkofaname · 05/12/2022 18:39

MoreSleepPleasee · 05/12/2022 18:37

Yabu my friends allergic to dogs and has had to shout for a dog owner to control their 'friendly' dog when it was rubbing up against her legs trying to get attention.

My dog never went near them. I don’t let her go up to people unless invited.

OP posts:
GuyFawkesDay · 05/12/2022 18:39

Once again for the ignorant

the dog did not go near the humans

theres no such thing as dog parks

MoreSleepPleasee · 05/12/2022 18:39

I witnessed an off lead dog attack another dog just last week and it bit through the other owners hand when he was trying to collect it. It hadn't done that before apparently 🙄

MoreSleepPleasee · 05/12/2022 18:39

Protect not collect

CaptainThe95thRifles · 05/12/2022 18:40

a quick “I’m sorry” and dog on lead for 2 mins and everyone happy

What, precisely, do you think the OP should be apologising for?

The child's fear of dogs, which she didn't cause, or for the existence of her dog? Neither of those things require an apology from the OP.

Cup0fAmbition · 05/12/2022 18:40

Ohhelpicantthinkofaname · 05/12/2022 18:12

Just to clarify. It’s a tiny stream down a bank. It was far enough from the path that the kid barely noticed the dog as it went by and didn’t seem afraid at all. To me that seems healthier for the kid to see than putting the dog back on the lead and making it seem like something to fear.

there was also someone behind me with their dog off the lead, it’s very normal down there and no one usually minds.

the kid was reaching the age where they start to play out alone so to me the parents should be trying to address that fear rather than never letting the kid be near a dog.

but then I’m aware of the mumsnet stance on dogs.

It’s not “a mumsnet stance on dogs”. It’s a commonly-held view that dogs are annoying pests, and their owners are entitled and ignorant. Ask me IRL my opinion on dogs, and I’ll tell you. I think you’ll find that many many people can’t stand dogs. But most people don’t discuss such things in public, so maybe that’s why you don’t realise.

Having a fear of dogs is valid. It’s not irrational, it’s not an unhealthy phobia. They have teeth. They have been known to bite, claw, knock over. My kids and I don’t want to be nuzzled on or slobbered over. Get your dog(s) away from people unless you are 100% certain that they welcome your mutt.

goodmother90 · 05/12/2022 18:41

YABU I'm sure the child must have been quite upset you didn't put your dog on the lead.

Boomboom22 · 05/12/2022 18:41

5 metres is not exactly a safe distance, so yabvu. It's friendly means I won't stop it locking or jumping on you, really really out of order. It likes kids is quite frightening, so you mean it will approach the child?
Mumsnet has a lot of crazy dog lovers but remember they are animals, should never be unsupervised with children, and the daily accidents/ attacks that happen.

tabulahrasa · 05/12/2022 18:41

You recalled your dog before it approached them and move away and then kept it under control over there.... definitely not you being unreasonable

DogBedTalk · 05/12/2022 18:41

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the user's request.

gogohmm · 05/12/2022 18:41

Seems fine to me op. I simply give instructions to my ddog to run away from any scared/noisy/unreasonable people (he has excellent recall and knows his left right away etc, he's a collie!) I can instruct him to lie down 200m away if needed

hallesmelly · 05/12/2022 18:42

The absolute irony of people calling the op entitled while failing to recognise she has as much right to be in a public place with her well behaved dog as the rude man and child.

RandomPerson42 · 05/12/2022 18:42

Maybe the parents should have the child on a lead?
Plenty of kids get bitten by dogs due to them teasing them.
You an’t always blame the animal.

I think your actions were fine and you are a responsible dog owner. If it was a narrow alley where you would have to pass in close proximity that would have been totally different.