To ask family to help with cost of Xmas visit?

[horseyhorsey17]

I'm planning on going to visit my family in Devon for Xmas along with my two teenage kids. My brother and his wife and small kids are already staying with mum and dad, so there won't be room for me there, meaning I have to book me and the kids into a hotel. The problem is that hotels that weekend are not cheap and once you factor in a dogsitter (I have two dogs) and petrol costs, the weekend will cost me £600. I am a single mum and although I am comfortable financially (just!) I can't actually afford that. I'd have to whack it on a credit card which I really don't want to do. I've just bought a house (due to recent separation) and it needs a lot of work doing to it and every spare penny is being hoovered up by that and I'd rather not spend £600 I don't have right now anyway. Would it be a cheek to mention this to my brother, seeing as he gets to stay at mum and dad's for free, and see if he'd mind helping me out with hotel costs? I know everyone is really looking forward to the weekend, including my two kids, and I don't want to be the Grinch...I just don't have a spare £600!

How much is the hotel?

Unfortunately with Christmas day/New year and various other holidays they tend to fall on/around the same time each year so many hotel/stay away places set their prices the year ahead (if that makes sense)

*I'd just say, the kids & I don't want to stay in a hotel, we want to stay with the rest of the family, so we'll bring air beds etc.

if your SD doesn't like lots of people in the house, tough really.*

Some people are mental. This is not normal behaviour or a reasonable way to act.

OP can you not just talk to your mum about it and say you can't come down and pay hotel bills (removing the dog fees and petrol) because you're a bit short but would love to come down another time?

Or does she have friends she can ask for spare rooms? I'd be happy putting someone up for two nights with one spare room and decent guests.

I realised that that was unlikely (that I'd find an old friend to put me and kids up over Xmas) even as I posted the message!

Hi MrsPotatoHead, I sympathise hugely with your situation but I think you've posted this in the wrong place!

I’d just say ‘sorry, I’m a single parent and I can’t afford £600 right now’. If nobody offers then stay home, invite them to come to you in the new year or ask what dates you can go and see them and stay there. They are taking the piss not even considering you, and I’m sorry your brother takes priority.

Actually, do you have any who are going away and you might be able to borrow their house?

Go down just after Christmas Day. That's what I do. It's a lot cheaper.

I think you just don’t go.

Just say you would like to see everyone, but logistically and financially travelling down this Christmas isn’t going to work for you.

Decorate your place, and have a lovely low key Christmas

I'd happily let someone stay in our house in your circumstances OP. In addition to asking your friends get DM to see if she can think of anyone

" As DB is staying in the house and I know DSF finds it stressful with too many people around, I think we're going to have to postpone our visit until we can stay with you as with the house repairs, I simply cannot afford the hotel.

I'm asking friends if anyone will be away to see if we can find somewhere for a couple of nights. Do you know anyone who's going away that we could maybe use their house?

If not we'll need to postpone until there's room in the house once DB has left. Such a shame the teens were really looking forward to seeing their cousins, darned rewiring !

Yours xxx"

This is a good idea.

Failing that OP it's hard enough at the moment trying to keep heads above water on a day to day basis without throwing all costs Christmas into it.

Have you had a word with just your mum and explained to her.
In all honesty if you were my daughter the choices would be DH lightens up and we squeeze you in for a few days or we contribute to the hotel.

This sounds very similar to my family dynamic.
I wouldn’t be going.

I wouldn’t ask for money, I’d just explain that you can’t afford it so probably can’t visit and they might offer a solution.

So is it just assumed he stays there and you don't or did he ask?

It is also one of those things that - because I'm recently separated and therefore I'm managing the household finances completely on my own for the first time in 16 years, which is my salary plus child support from my ex-husband - I am super-cautious about overspending and accidentally leaving myself short/in a pickle. £600 isn't an inconsiderable amount!

I don't seem to be able to quote any more - no idea why - but in answer to fedup: my brother asked first!

They should have still considered you.

I'd just say you can't afford it and they're welcome to visit you over Christmas if they'd like to (make the effort). See how they like footing the cost.

Are your kids seeing their dad? Could be another excuse

I've read all your posts and, much as I'd love to see you do some truth-speaking to them all, I can see that's not on the cards :-D soooo

What would happen if you didn't ask for money but put some of the responsibility for finding a solution onto them? ie

Hello DM and DSF, I've totted it all up and I'm gutted but it's so much more than I'd reckoned. With finances post separation so grim I've got a terrible feeling I actually can't afford it without going into debt. I'd be really sad to do that, so before I cancel everything I thought I'd just see if you had any brililiant ideas that I mightn't have thought of that might save the day. I've already looked for airBnB's and unfortunately they're even more expensive than the hotel..

Just be honest and say that due to the extra costs on the house this year you're going to stay at home and see them in the new year. Then plan with your children ti do things they'd like.

I doubt anyone would want someone staying in their home while they're away at the moment, given the heating costs.

OP, I would just go at NY instead and spend some of that money on giving yourself and your kids a lovely Christmas at home.

In your shoes I'd just explain that because of all the unexpected bills coming at you in the last few months you can't afford to splash out hundreds on hotel bills at the moment — so this year you think it's better you and the children just have a quiet time together at home, settling in, and you all catch up in the new year when things are easier.

I certainly wouldn't get into debt in the current economic climate in order to spend a couple of days with family. But then I'm not a Christmas fetishist and my idea of the perfect Christmas is 48 hours on my own with no one else to think about.

Would a caravan or motorhome in the garden work? Maybe go for new year?