Page 4 | To ask family to help with cost of Xmas visit?

horseyhorsey17 · 2022-12-05T11:30:41+00:00

I'm planning on going to visit my family in Devon for Xmas along with my two teenage kids. My brother and his wife and small kids are already staying with mum and dad, so there won't be room for me there, meaning I have to book me and the kids into a hotel. The problem is that hotels that weekend are not cheap and once you factor in a dogsitter (I have two dogs) and petrol costs, the weekend will cost me £600. I am a single mum and although I am comfortable financially (just!) I can't actually afford that. I'd have to whack it on a credit card which I really don't want to do. I've just bought a house (due to recent separation) and it needs a lot of work doing to it and every spare penny is being hoovered up by that and I'd rather not spend £600 I don't have right now anyway. Would it be a cheek to mention this to my brother, seeing as he gets to stay at mum and dad's for free, and see if he'd mind helping me out with hotel costs? I know everyone is really looking forward to the weekend, including my two kids, and I don't want to be the Grinch...I just don't have a spare £600!

Wiluli · 05/12/2022 12:58

Would a Airbnb that allows dogs be cheaper? That way you won’t have e the dog sitter cost ?

IDidntKnowItWasAParty · 05/12/2022 12:58

What's the breakdown of the £600 cost? how much is the hotel?
If you can't afford it, you can't afford it.
(But I am horrified that you are treated as a second-class citizen by your step-father and that your mother allows this. I would not stand for this, myself, it would really upset me, I'd have to go low/no-contact.)

purplecorkheart · 05/12/2022 13:01

Honestly in this situation I would not go. The simple fact is that you cannot afford it. It sounds like no one will have a good time if you all stay and I would worry that your step dad would treat your kids differently to your brother's kids which could be upsetting for them.

MatronicO6 · 05/12/2022 13:01

OP, the simple fact is you can't afford the costs the trip entails. I think you should be upfront and explain that and you have decided to stay at home for Christmas. If they offer to help, or invite you to stay in the house. If not, I hate to say it's an indication they are not worth getting into debt over.

You could say your kids were looking forward to it so would love to arrange a visit when there is room. I am sure your kids would understand. TBH staying at a travel lodge doesn't sound much fun for Christmas anyway.

luxxlisbon · 05/12/2022 13:02

I think considering they just gave you £1000 it’s a bit much to ask for more towards a hotel. Haven’t you just made it ridiculously expensive for yourself by still not booking it when it’s already 5th December and Christmas is always more expensive anyway?
Why did you leave it so late in the first place?

Sunsetintheeast · 05/12/2022 13:04

I think I'd just say, you've had a run of unexpected costs and you're going to have to dip out this year. Tell your mum you'll come in the New Year when you can stay. Surely you can speak to her quietly about this and not make it a drama? - not point if you've settled with the situation as it is.

TinkyWinkyRainbowHead · 05/12/2022 13:04

We’ve got a similar thing for a birthday coming up. We just said we couldn’t come.

SuperCamp · 05/12/2022 13:05

I think the family Christmas is important if your teens are looking forward to it and this is the post-break-up Christmas.

But I would have a go at talking to your Mum, tell her the hotel costs are beyond your budget for this Christmas and ask her if she has a friend who would appreciate a house / dog / cat sitter over Christmas? Lots of people would really welcome that!

It leaves the space for your Mum to offer help, though I understand that might be a pigs might fly situation.

RedHelenB · 05/12/2022 13:07

The cost of s dogsitter is down to you. Since there's no room at the Inn I think it only fair for you to receive sobething towards the cost of your accommodation though.

rookiemere · 05/12/2022 13:09

I think you just need to talk to your DM and ask if you can stay at the house as you can't afford the hotel.

It's up to her what she does with that information, but I'd be very disappointed if one set of DCs were allowed to stay, but not the other set.

StollenAway · 05/12/2022 13:10

But I would have a go at talking to your Mum, tell her the hotel costs are beyond your budget for this Christmas and ask her if she has a friend who would appreciate a house / dog / cat sitter over Christmas? Lots of people would really welcome that!

Thats a very good point. It might also be worth exploring free dog care at home with Borrow My Doggy. We’ve had a dog over Christmas before when her family were away.

Original poster

horseyhorsey17 · 05/12/2022 13:10

MarianneVos · 05/12/2022 12:49

Quite, I'd missed that but when I posted. I would just swallow the hotel costs if they've just given you £1k! Presumably your brother didn't get that as well?

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Yeah he did. He got it because they helped me out, which actually they only did because my sister needed £1K otherwise she'd have defaulted on her mortgage. My sister is another factor in this complicated family issue - she never has any money and is reliant on handouts from my parents, which makes my stepdad even grumpier and also means I can't really ask them for money anyway as they're already paying for one single mum child. (This is a whole other thread! No need to go into it here! Or ever! )

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Original poster

horseyhorsey17 · 05/12/2022 13:12

StollenAway · 05/12/2022 13:10

But I would have a go at talking to your Mum, tell her the hotel costs are beyond your budget for this Christmas and ask her if she has a friend who would appreciate a house / dog / cat sitter over Christmas? Lots of people would really welcome that!

Thats a very good point. It might also be worth exploring free dog care at home with Borrow My Doggy. We’ve had a dog over Christmas before when her family were away.

I love the idea of Borrow My Doggy but one of my doggies is a right little sh*t tbh. She is a bitch of a JRT. I love her but I am completely alone in the world in that respect! I've got one dog sitter who can cope with her and I am a bit scared to risk her with anyone else!

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Original poster

horseyhorsey17 · 05/12/2022 13:14

Sunsetintheeast · 05/12/2022 13:04

I think I'd just say, you've had a run of unexpected costs and you're going to have to dip out this year. Tell your mum you'll come in the New Year when you can stay. Surely you can speak to her quietly about this and not make it a drama? - not point if you've settled with the situation as it is.

This is the actual truth so it shouldn't be that hard to just say it, right?!

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Original poster

horseyhorsey17 · 05/12/2022 13:15

luxxlisbon · 05/12/2022 13:02

I think considering they just gave you £1000 it’s a bit much to ask for more towards a hotel. Haven’t you just made it ridiculously expensive for yourself by still not booking it when it’s already 5th December and Christmas is always more expensive anyway?
Why did you leave it so late in the first place?

Thanks for the judgement but actually I booked it in October. It was still expensive then.

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luxxlisbon · 05/12/2022 13:18

horseyhorsey17 · 05/12/2022 13:15

Thanks for the judgement but actually I booked it in October. It was still expensive then.

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It’s not judgment I’m just confused as to why you are looking up hotel costs and airbnbs now when it’s already well into December!

If you’ve booked it already are you able to cancel a Christmas booking with no fee? I would look into that and make sure a cancellation policy would even still apply over the festive period.

VisitingThem · 05/12/2022 13:18

I like the idea of going to visit at new year so you have a place to stay :)

Mirabai · 05/12/2022 13:19

Don’t ask for money just cancel and say you can’t afford to go.

Just think what a great Christmas £600 would buy for you and the kids, or more seriously, what you could get done in the house for that.

Original poster

horseyhorsey17 · 05/12/2022 13:21

luxxlisbon · 05/12/2022 13:18

It’s not judgment I’m just confused as to why you are looking up hotel costs and airbnbs now when it’s already well into December!

If you’ve booked it already are you able to cancel a Christmas booking with no fee? I would look into that and make sure a cancellation policy would even still apply over the festive period.

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Yes I can cancel with no fees.

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Mirabai · 05/12/2022 13:22

@luxxlisbon It’s not judgment I’m just confused as to why you are looking up hotel costs and airbnbs now when it’s already well into December!

She’s not!

Adultchildofelderlyparents · 05/12/2022 13:22

I would just tell them you are not going for Christmas because the hotel costs would be too much. But also I'd say something like "the cost of the hotel over Christmas would use up most of what you kindly gave me for home improvements", because they may well have no idea of what the cost is.
Speaking from experience - I have booked a hotel for three nights near my family for this Christmas and it's cost me around £300. When I mentioned this to family they were horrified - the same hotel is usually around £40 per night!
And to hammer your point home, you could suggest you go to stay for a few nights after your brother has finished his stay.

Original poster

horseyhorsey17 · 05/12/2022 13:22

Mirabai · 05/12/2022 13:19

Don’t ask for money just cancel and say you can’t afford to go.

Just think what a great Christmas £600 would buy for you and the kids, or more seriously, what you could get done in the house for that.

That is very much what I am thinking!

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Lcb123 · 05/12/2022 13:23

id Discuss with your parents. Is there any option to stay locally in someone’s house, say a neighbour or friend who is away over Christmas? There’s often people on our local FB offering this

Original poster

horseyhorsey17 · 05/12/2022 13:28

Lcb123 · 05/12/2022 13:23

id Discuss with your parents. Is there any option to stay locally in someone’s house, say a neighbour or friend who is away over Christmas? There’s often people on our local FB offering this

Unlikely as they live in a small village in rural Devon. Hence also not a huge choice of cheap hotels nearby. But worth an ask/look.

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RuthW · 05/12/2022 13:30

Just say sorry I can't afford to come and stay at home.