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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To have ruined a wedding reception?

377 replies

BeagleLover1 · 05/12/2022 00:29

Took on a weekend part-time bar job, needs must. I’m a single mum to teen DC who are fine to be left and I have a 9-5 in the week, so it made sense.

I’ve been working there 2 months now. It’s a large hotel that has wedding functions. I actually loved it at first, the buzz, having a crack and making conversation with people etc. Some of the other bar staff were similar age to me (late 30s) which was lovely as well.

The last month though, there’s been an influx of people leaving due to terrible working conditions. We are no longer getting tips due to ‘increased bills’, there’s a sexist new supervisor that insults us all in his own language (somebody used a translater on their phone to find out what he was saying to women under his breath all of the time, and it was vile), we aren’t allowed drinks on shift anymore (we used to be allowed to have drinks on draft, now that’s not allowed, we can only have water and the bars don’t even have a bloody sink so we have to leave the bar to walk across the hotel to a water machine, on 12 hour shifts), everybody is too scared to order staff food from the chef on breaks because he is also overworked and has a go at us for ordering food. It’s been awful but I was trying to stick it out.

We are very understaffed. I went in on Saturday, and found out that there were 2 weddings on in 2 different function rooms, and then a family party on in another room. Both weddings 200 people each, the family party 70 people. There were only 3 bar staff in the entire hotel, one for each function. We also have a main bar in the lobby but that was shut due to being understaffed. I had to manage a bar of 200 people completely alone. The managers left at 8pm, just as it was kicking off. Our bars shut at 2am so I knew I was in for it. The bar was always rammed with at least 6 people at any given time. By 11pm I craved the sweet release of death. I was dealing with sexual harassment from several different blokes, and had nobody to back me up. I kept getting shouted at for slow service, constant “For fucks sake love, how long does it take to pour a pint” (whilst I had 5 other drinks orders to do before him), people spending literally 10 minutes arguing about who’s paying for what round whilst other people shouted at me to serve them, people demanding free drinks “Oh I’m the best man don’t I get one?”, being called a “tight cow” for giving £5 in change in coins instead of a note. I couldn’t stand it. People who weren’t even part of the wedding kept wandering in as well angered that the lobby bar was closed, expecting to be served by me.

I than ran out of glasses, they’d all been used and nobody bothered bringing them back to the bar when they came to order again. That meant I had to leave the bar to go and collect some glasses, by the time I got back there were about 20 people at the bar, and I could only carry 8 glasses at a time so that’s all I had. First bloke ordered a beer, I go to pour and find the beer is empty. I announce I need to change the keg and that I’ll be right back, cue them all moaning at me.

I went to the basement to change the beers and then had a panic attack because I knew what I was in for when I got back. Insults and abuse. Then I had an epiphany. “I don’t have to do this. Nobody is forcing me to be here. I’m not their slave.” So I just went to the office to clock out and fucked off home (it was about 11:30pm at this point) where I spent the rest of the evening drinking wine and watching TV. I did feel slightly guilty that my actions my have ruined a wedding reception but then I didn’t care, it’s their own fault for being cunts to me. They weren’t a nice lot at all.

Woke up this morning to an incensed text from my manager. The other 2 bar staff in were too busy to notice my function had no bartender, so nobody covered me. Apparently didn’t take long for the bride and groom to notice they had no bar and they wandered the hotel for the rest of their wedding reception looking for a staff member (they couldn’t access the other 2 functions) to talk to. Eventually the poor girl at front desk got it which I feel awful about, I didn’t consider that. She was unable to serve them as had to be at the front desk, but she dealt with them screaming at her all night. The wedding party are fuming, have all left terrible reviews (I’ve read it and it’s full of personal insults about me) and are demanding a full refund from the hotel which will likely need to be granted. They were that busy trying to sort out the lack of bar they missed most of the dancing and food at their own wedding reception. I feel awful about my colleague at front desk but AIBU to think the wedding party deserved it and to not feel guilty about them. It goes without saying that I no longer have a job there, but it’s a relief. I also feel smug that the sexist supervisor had to clean up after them the next day. That typically would’ve been my job at 3am after the function.

OP posts:
HikingforScenery · 05/12/2022 07:00

Goodness me! That sounds terrible! I’m so sorry, OP. I think you did the right thing by leaving.

Perhaps you should’ve let the front desk staff know she could’ve rung a manager but I understand that in the moment, you just wanted to escape. I’d be the same.

Fuckitydoodah · 05/12/2022 07:01

You were put in an impossible position. In fact I think it was dangerous. If a drunken guest had got really threatening or violent then who was there to back you up?! Good on you for walking out.

daretodenim · 05/12/2022 07:01

That's the thing though, isn't it - they'll have paid a lot, which should have covered the cost of a full complement of staff for the evening! My wedding was tiny, with ten guests, and there was more than one person behind the bar all evening!

I'm going to get the B&G weren't offered a cheaper wedding option to have one bartender for the whole evening and told that it would mean slower/less service! I'm going to BET they expected there to be a properly staffed bar. Maybe they didn't know what that meant in terms of staff numbers, but they didn't plan on slow service. Which is impossible to avoid with an understaffed bar and big drinkers.

Prescottdanni123 · 05/12/2022 07:02

YANBU. Your managers have no one to blame but themselves. The lazy buggers should never have left knowing how short staffed it was going to be.

The bride and groom can't help their guests behaviour, but if they started being abusive as well then in an ideal world, staff should have the right to say "sorry, we are not serving you or your guests anymore,"

tensmum1964 · 05/12/2022 07:05

Well done for walking. The hotel deserved it, the manager deserved it and the bride and groom deserved it. You did the right thing and deserve a round of applause.

Sparklingbrook · 05/12/2022 07:06

I don't think you did anything wrong, you went home sick effectively.

Xiaoxiong · 05/12/2022 07:09

You didn't ruin it. The managers did by a) understaffing and b) fucking off home at 8pm knowing you were understaffed. You did better to stay till 11.30pm than most people!!

ladyofshertonabbas · 05/12/2022 07:09

Yanbu. have your say on tripadvisor. Grass up the management. Not your problem any more (yayyy) but those insults should be recorded.

70billionthnamechange · 05/12/2022 07:11

I've done the same in a nightclub. Actually climbed over a fence to escape with no one seeing me. Fuck it, nothing and no one is worth being made to feel that shit for

70billionthnamechange · 05/12/2022 07:15

Pls pls tell head office what actually happened! They'll blame you and not be honest which I'm sure you don't care now but I would absolutely have to make sure everyone knew what actually went on

drpet49 · 05/12/2022 07:16

AutumnCrow · 05/12/2022 00:44

No duty manager?

You just walked away from the bar full of spirits and wines?

You walked away from a full till?

Crikey.

This. Let’s hope it wasn’t robbed as I imagine OP will be liable.

Stressedmum2017 · 05/12/2022 07:17

Good for you op! Sorry for the bride and groom but why should you have to put up with that shit? Not your fault, it's the shitty Hotel managements fault and the behaviour of the guests.

BellePeppa · 05/12/2022 07:19

I don’t think you did anything wrong. The onus is on hotel management for being badly run. There are several jobs I wish I had walked out on. Don’t beat yourself up you did ok. 👍

canfor · 05/12/2022 07:19

Good on you OP. There are other jobs around in well managed organisations where you wouldn't have to put up with all that abuse and nonsense. You stuck it out until 11.30 - many a wedding would be winding down by that time anyhow.

niugboo · 05/12/2022 07:25

You weren’t remotely unreasonable.

in fact good on you.

i would actually email their head office with all of this and make a complaint.

MassiveSalad22 · 05/12/2022 07:25

Hahaha! Love this for you OP! I’m a stubborn petty person so people shouting and hurling abuse, and bastard managers, wouldn’t get what they wanted from me either. Unfortunately there are so many people who would need to take any job going so these horrible guests would get what they want talking those to people in this way.

JesusMaryAndJosephAndTheWeeDon · 05/12/2022 07:25

BeagleLover1 · 05/12/2022 00:54

This place doesn’t care about rules and regulations. The bartender serving the family party was 17. Thankfully, the other bartender on that night is a huge confident bloke who can hold his own with abusive guests, and he was looking out for the 17 year old. The bars are covered in mould and there’s been problems with vermin. I know it sounds unbelievable that a place could be so mismanaged, but it’s true. I was a guest a wedding at this hotel about 10 years ago, and it had issues then. I almost want to name and shame, but I won’t.

Report them to trading standards, the licencing authority (local council licensing dept) and environmental health for the safety of their staff and their customers.

NoWordForFluffy · 05/12/2022 07:27

drpet49 · 05/12/2022 07:16

This. Let’s hope it wasn’t robbed as I imagine OP will be liable.

RTFT. She locked the bar.

Jewelanemone · 05/12/2022 07:27

drpet49 · 05/12/2022 07:16

This. Let’s hope it wasn’t robbed as I imagine OP will be liable.

She pulled down the shutters and locked the bar before she went to change the barrel.

OP, I applaud you xx

MassiveSalad22 · 05/12/2022 07:27

Name and shame! (I don’t know the potential ramifications of that, but-) This place deserves to be shut down if it’s so poorly managed and covered in mould and vermin??

Sisisimone · 05/12/2022 07:29

70billionthnamechange · 05/12/2022 07:15

Pls pls tell head office what actually happened! They'll blame you and not be honest which I'm sure you don't care now but I would absolutely have to make sure everyone knew what actually went on

Was coming on to say this. What did you say when they called? Did you just accept the blame? Did you ever report your manager for yhe sexual harrasment? Basically you took ill and had to leave, there was no cover and no duty manager. That is a disgrace.

HappyOnion · 05/12/2022 07:29

MrsTerryPratchett · 05/12/2022 00:41

The actual people at fault are your managers. If I was waiting for ages at an understaffed bar with no beer and no glasses I'd be cheesed off. Not rude because I've been where you are. But people are rude and your managers knew what they were doing. It certainly wasn't the bride's fault and doubtless she paid a lot for one day she wanted to be good.

Lone working when there's alcohol is a bloody stupid idea and no manager should have left at that point.

Walk out by all means but the poor bride as well as you.

This. I feel for you, op, and also for the bride. You should never have been put in that position.

gogohmm · 05/12/2022 07:33

Whilst the abuse the wedding group gave you was very wrong, I would be very upset if I booked a reception or party for 200 people and there was one bar staff on, they have paid a lot of money and the hotel wasn't fulfilling its obligation. Disappearing without informing the duty manager is plain wrong too, I can understand you were at the end of your tether but you should have told someone what em was happening earlier especially the sexual harassment. The duty manager if told them at least had the option of taking action (if he didn't then you have a clean conscience walking out)

Fleurdaisy · 05/12/2022 07:34

BeagleLover1 · 05/12/2022 00:49

Technically there is a duty manager but he shows up and goes home as and when he likes. The whole place is an absolute shitshow.

You said it —- it’s a mismanaged shit show and you’re well out if it. You were being verbally and sexually harassed, what choice did you have ?
Draw a line and find another ( better) job.

PeeAche2 · 05/12/2022 07:35

There’s no way that 3 hours without booze ruined their wedding. If they say it did, it’s because they’re looking for a full refund. Put it out of your mind. Shit jobs come and go and very few people in your position would have stayed.