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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To have ruined a wedding reception?

377 replies

BeagleLover1 · 05/12/2022 00:29

Took on a weekend part-time bar job, needs must. I’m a single mum to teen DC who are fine to be left and I have a 9-5 in the week, so it made sense.

I’ve been working there 2 months now. It’s a large hotel that has wedding functions. I actually loved it at first, the buzz, having a crack and making conversation with people etc. Some of the other bar staff were similar age to me (late 30s) which was lovely as well.

The last month though, there’s been an influx of people leaving due to terrible working conditions. We are no longer getting tips due to ‘increased bills’, there’s a sexist new supervisor that insults us all in his own language (somebody used a translater on their phone to find out what he was saying to women under his breath all of the time, and it was vile), we aren’t allowed drinks on shift anymore (we used to be allowed to have drinks on draft, now that’s not allowed, we can only have water and the bars don’t even have a bloody sink so we have to leave the bar to walk across the hotel to a water machine, on 12 hour shifts), everybody is too scared to order staff food from the chef on breaks because he is also overworked and has a go at us for ordering food. It’s been awful but I was trying to stick it out.

We are very understaffed. I went in on Saturday, and found out that there were 2 weddings on in 2 different function rooms, and then a family party on in another room. Both weddings 200 people each, the family party 70 people. There were only 3 bar staff in the entire hotel, one for each function. We also have a main bar in the lobby but that was shut due to being understaffed. I had to manage a bar of 200 people completely alone. The managers left at 8pm, just as it was kicking off. Our bars shut at 2am so I knew I was in for it. The bar was always rammed with at least 6 people at any given time. By 11pm I craved the sweet release of death. I was dealing with sexual harassment from several different blokes, and had nobody to back me up. I kept getting shouted at for slow service, constant “For fucks sake love, how long does it take to pour a pint” (whilst I had 5 other drinks orders to do before him), people spending literally 10 minutes arguing about who’s paying for what round whilst other people shouted at me to serve them, people demanding free drinks “Oh I’m the best man don’t I get one?”, being called a “tight cow” for giving £5 in change in coins instead of a note. I couldn’t stand it. People who weren’t even part of the wedding kept wandering in as well angered that the lobby bar was closed, expecting to be served by me.

I than ran out of glasses, they’d all been used and nobody bothered bringing them back to the bar when they came to order again. That meant I had to leave the bar to go and collect some glasses, by the time I got back there were about 20 people at the bar, and I could only carry 8 glasses at a time so that’s all I had. First bloke ordered a beer, I go to pour and find the beer is empty. I announce I need to change the keg and that I’ll be right back, cue them all moaning at me.

I went to the basement to change the beers and then had a panic attack because I knew what I was in for when I got back. Insults and abuse. Then I had an epiphany. “I don’t have to do this. Nobody is forcing me to be here. I’m not their slave.” So I just went to the office to clock out and fucked off home (it was about 11:30pm at this point) where I spent the rest of the evening drinking wine and watching TV. I did feel slightly guilty that my actions my have ruined a wedding reception but then I didn’t care, it’s their own fault for being cunts to me. They weren’t a nice lot at all.

Woke up this morning to an incensed text from my manager. The other 2 bar staff in were too busy to notice my function had no bartender, so nobody covered me. Apparently didn’t take long for the bride and groom to notice they had no bar and they wandered the hotel for the rest of their wedding reception looking for a staff member (they couldn’t access the other 2 functions) to talk to. Eventually the poor girl at front desk got it which I feel awful about, I didn’t consider that. She was unable to serve them as had to be at the front desk, but she dealt with them screaming at her all night. The wedding party are fuming, have all left terrible reviews (I’ve read it and it’s full of personal insults about me) and are demanding a full refund from the hotel which will likely need to be granted. They were that busy trying to sort out the lack of bar they missed most of the dancing and food at their own wedding reception. I feel awful about my colleague at front desk but AIBU to think the wedding party deserved it and to not feel guilty about them. It goes without saying that I no longer have a job there, but it’s a relief. I also feel smug that the sexist supervisor had to clean up after them the next day. That typically would’ve been my job at 3am after the function.

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 07/12/2022 02:24

BeagleLover1 · 05/12/2022 20:07

Minimum wage, minimum effort.

I don't think you should have stayed in the hotel. That night wasn't OK.

But I've worked a LOT of NMW jobs and I've always treated them all like they are important. I always work hard and do my best. Because half-arsing jobs makes you feel like you're shit. They might pay you poorly but you should know how good you are.

And no one promotes people who are putting in minimum effort. No one gives them glowing references.

American6pie · 07/12/2022 02:30

Not unreasonable at all
Just because management dropped the ball .... And you were in a very hostile situation and a misogynistic Boss... It was your right to exit the situation.... Unfortunately the remaining staff will suffer.... Unless they walk out too.

TheBoogie · 07/12/2022 02:31

Blimey!

NewPapaGuinea · 07/12/2022 07:42

A bit tragic that the “quality” of one’s night is determined whether they can have an alcoholic drink or not. Besides 23:30 is pretty late so probably did them some good to have no more alcohol.

IneedanewTV · 07/12/2022 08:09

OP everything you say happens to my 20 year old son at the hotel he works at. Double weddings booked, minimum staff on duty, abusive guests, guests exposing themselves when he does room service, etc etc. Some of the reviews are terrible but not about the staff. Manager goes home at 4pm everyday. Has no idea what goes on in the evening. Well done getting out.

Beeinalily · 07/12/2022 14:31

No wonder people don't want to work in hospitality - and they don't even let you keep your tips, is that legal? Anyway OP, you're well out of it. I hope you find a much better job - let's face it, couldn't be much worse!

FancyFran · 07/12/2022 14:42

@IneedanewTV I would hope your son feels he can report any guest exposing their private parts. It should be reported to the police. It is a sexual assault crime and the behaviour of these perverts often escalates into attacks.
What a horrible way to treat someone trying to do their job.

IneedanewTV · 07/12/2022 18:43

FancyFran · 07/12/2022 14:42

@IneedanewTV I would hope your son feels he can report any guest exposing their private parts. It should be reported to the police. It is a sexual assault crime and the behaviour of these perverts often escalates into attacks.
What a horrible way to treat someone trying to do their job.

The police were called and the guest was taken away. What was worrying is that the guest tried to get the female receptionist to go to his room to look at a radiator. Thankfully my son and another male colleague went to look at the radiator (one of the many duties hotel staff have to do if there is no one else to do it).

BeagleLover1 · 07/12/2022 19:24

I’ve apologised to the front desk girl, she admits she was pissed off with me on the night but she understands why I did it, and was okay with me. She has also now handed her notice in as she can’t cope any more, as well as the 17 year old bartender (well, he called in sick the next day and hasn’t turned up since apparently, so they’ve been using agency staff). This is common in the hotel, staff come and go in waves, usually on a 3 monthly rotation all at once.

Anybody looking for a second job for the cost of living crisis, please avoid the hotel industry at all costs. Horrid places.

OP posts:
FancyFran · 07/12/2022 19:30

@BeagleLover1
Glad things are OK. Chin up and you will find something else. The fast majority thought you did the right thing.

Daverl1980 · 10/12/2022 18:41

BeagleLover1 · 05/12/2022 02:28

Have just checked and the worst reviews are gone, so I a imagine management has raised a dispute with TripAdvisor. To protect their own image of course. Words used consist of, ‘drippy’, ‘meek’ ‘gormless’, ‘simple’ ‘incompetent’, ‘thick’ and then one goes on about my appearance. They are angry I get but no need for it, they deserved it. If they had been nice and patient with me I’d have stuck it out and been apologetic to them.

Sorry to hear how you were treated they really do sound like vile entitled scum and your management were no better.

Daverl1980 · 10/12/2022 18:55

surreygirl1987 · 05/12/2022 19:16

I'm really impressed by you. Good on you!
Feel bad for the bride and groom, but not your fault . Sounds like management there is terrible.

Why do you feel bad for them when they were abusing to the original poster ??? Their behaviour was unacceptable too . They got what they deserved.

Iseestupidpeople · 10/12/2022 20:40

most weddings finish around 11:30, they will have had all the food and when they finally do a stock count find they generously helped themselves. Also why did they not have glass collectors? Surely the waiters should have been doing that.

3luckystars · 10/12/2022 21:51

Weddings are only starting here at 11.30!

3luckystars · 10/12/2022 21:51

Are you in America?

Testina · 10/12/2022 21:57

3luckystars · 10/12/2022 21:51

Weddings are only starting here at 11.30!

Where are you? 🤣

3luckystars · 10/12/2022 22:05

Ireland 😁

Gemcat1 · 10/12/2022 22:08

I would talk to ACAS, Health & Safety and the CAB as you may be entitled to compensation for sexual harassment which your manager not only did himself but allowed it to happen to you. You should never have been left on your own and the managers are paid to ensure that your welfare is considered. Try this link, it will give you the information you need www.acas.org.uk/sexual-harassment

Gemcat1 · 10/12/2022 22:15

You had every right to walk out of the wedding reception as you were being verbally abused and sexually harassed. No-one should be expected to put up with such behaviour. It is demeaning and you will see such notices in many other service places including the ability to refuse service. I'm sorry for the receptionist and agree that it might be nice to pop in and see her with a small pressie.

Shouldbesolucky · 10/12/2022 22:27

Not the point of the post.. but 17 year old bartender- isn’t that illegal?

You had every right to walk away from that situation. Your employers were a disgrace, and the wedding guests should be ashamed of themselves.

I can’t imagine any other profession being expected to accept this type of behaviour from its customers.

its you who should be giving the bad review!

DdraigGoch · 10/12/2022 22:34

Not the point of the post.. but 17 year old bartender- isn’t that illegal?

Yes, unless each and every sale gets individually authorised by an over 18, which it would appear wasn't the case here.

Itsoktogiveup · 10/12/2022 23:35

YANBU. This situation was caused by the management not by you. If you had a panic attack you were no longer fit for work and left for medical reasons.

Honestly if you wanted to bother you might have a legal case against the hotel for workplace discrimination and harassment from the supervisor and probably constructive dismissal.

As for the ruined wedding - it was ruined by the hitel not by you but as they were all so awful who cares if they had a crap night? It is actually possible to have a pleasant wedding reception without drinking constantly but clearly this didn’t occur to them.

TeacherForGood · 11/12/2022 02:36

I've not read the thread so apologies if this has been addressed elsewhere. Your walkout was brought about by illness caused by the workplace, specifically by management acts, and therefore the business leaders are probably in breach of the Heath & Safety At Work acts. Have you contacted your local Environmental Health team? Doing so would also give you evidence in case of any unfair dismissal proceedings.

I believe you did the right thing. The business should not be operating in a way that puts staff and public at risk, in the way you have described.

Skodacool · 11/12/2022 07:51

BeagleLover1 · 05/12/2022 00:54

This place doesn’t care about rules and regulations. The bartender serving the family party was 17. Thankfully, the other bartender on that night is a huge confident bloke who can hold his own with abusive guests, and he was looking out for the 17 year old. The bars are covered in mould and there’s been problems with vermin. I know it sounds unbelievable that a place could be so mismanaged, but it’s true. I was a guest a wedding at this hotel about 10 years ago, and it had issues then. I almost want to name and shame, but I won’t.

Your council will have a licensing department. Report the hotel to them. They could lose their drinks and venue licence.

TashaG · 11/12/2022 09:15

Sounds like a classy wedding 😳

Well done OP - sounds like they all got what they deserved - nobody deserves to be treated like that in work.

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