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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To have ruined a wedding reception?

377 replies

BeagleLover1 · 05/12/2022 00:29

Took on a weekend part-time bar job, needs must. I’m a single mum to teen DC who are fine to be left and I have a 9-5 in the week, so it made sense.

I’ve been working there 2 months now. It’s a large hotel that has wedding functions. I actually loved it at first, the buzz, having a crack and making conversation with people etc. Some of the other bar staff were similar age to me (late 30s) which was lovely as well.

The last month though, there’s been an influx of people leaving due to terrible working conditions. We are no longer getting tips due to ‘increased bills’, there’s a sexist new supervisor that insults us all in his own language (somebody used a translater on their phone to find out what he was saying to women under his breath all of the time, and it was vile), we aren’t allowed drinks on shift anymore (we used to be allowed to have drinks on draft, now that’s not allowed, we can only have water and the bars don’t even have a bloody sink so we have to leave the bar to walk across the hotel to a water machine, on 12 hour shifts), everybody is too scared to order staff food from the chef on breaks because he is also overworked and has a go at us for ordering food. It’s been awful but I was trying to stick it out.

We are very understaffed. I went in on Saturday, and found out that there were 2 weddings on in 2 different function rooms, and then a family party on in another room. Both weddings 200 people each, the family party 70 people. There were only 3 bar staff in the entire hotel, one for each function. We also have a main bar in the lobby but that was shut due to being understaffed. I had to manage a bar of 200 people completely alone. The managers left at 8pm, just as it was kicking off. Our bars shut at 2am so I knew I was in for it. The bar was always rammed with at least 6 people at any given time. By 11pm I craved the sweet release of death. I was dealing with sexual harassment from several different blokes, and had nobody to back me up. I kept getting shouted at for slow service, constant “For fucks sake love, how long does it take to pour a pint” (whilst I had 5 other drinks orders to do before him), people spending literally 10 minutes arguing about who’s paying for what round whilst other people shouted at me to serve them, people demanding free drinks “Oh I’m the best man don’t I get one?”, being called a “tight cow” for giving £5 in change in coins instead of a note. I couldn’t stand it. People who weren’t even part of the wedding kept wandering in as well angered that the lobby bar was closed, expecting to be served by me.

I than ran out of glasses, they’d all been used and nobody bothered bringing them back to the bar when they came to order again. That meant I had to leave the bar to go and collect some glasses, by the time I got back there were about 20 people at the bar, and I could only carry 8 glasses at a time so that’s all I had. First bloke ordered a beer, I go to pour and find the beer is empty. I announce I need to change the keg and that I’ll be right back, cue them all moaning at me.

I went to the basement to change the beers and then had a panic attack because I knew what I was in for when I got back. Insults and abuse. Then I had an epiphany. “I don’t have to do this. Nobody is forcing me to be here. I’m not their slave.” So I just went to the office to clock out and fucked off home (it was about 11:30pm at this point) where I spent the rest of the evening drinking wine and watching TV. I did feel slightly guilty that my actions my have ruined a wedding reception but then I didn’t care, it’s their own fault for being cunts to me. They weren’t a nice lot at all.

Woke up this morning to an incensed text from my manager. The other 2 bar staff in were too busy to notice my function had no bartender, so nobody covered me. Apparently didn’t take long for the bride and groom to notice they had no bar and they wandered the hotel for the rest of their wedding reception looking for a staff member (they couldn’t access the other 2 functions) to talk to. Eventually the poor girl at front desk got it which I feel awful about, I didn’t consider that. She was unable to serve them as had to be at the front desk, but she dealt with them screaming at her all night. The wedding party are fuming, have all left terrible reviews (I’ve read it and it’s full of personal insults about me) and are demanding a full refund from the hotel which will likely need to be granted. They were that busy trying to sort out the lack of bar they missed most of the dancing and food at their own wedding reception. I feel awful about my colleague at front desk but AIBU to think the wedding party deserved it and to not feel guilty about them. It goes without saying that I no longer have a job there, but it’s a relief. I also feel smug that the sexist supervisor had to clean up after them the next day. That typically would’ve been my job at 3am after the function.

OP posts:
Whydothat · 05/12/2022 04:35

You were suddenly taken poorly and you left. You would have reported to a manager first if you could find one but as they left without any contingency plans you couldn't.
The bride and groom sound awful anyway, I wouldn't feel bad about wrecking their night. I do feel for the girl on reception however its just yet another thing that wouldn't have happened if your managers hadn't walked out at 8pm knowing how understaffed you were.

Bunnycat101 · 05/12/2022 04:46

It sounds like a shower. Even when I did odd shifts at our hall of residence bar I was never ever alone and we’d have at least 3 people on for a Friday night. The hotel is obviously incompetent to try and manage a wedding on skeleton staff.

if the bridal party and guests were arseholes that is also on them. I’m sure I had a clause in the contract for my wedding venue that I had some responsibility for the behaviour of guests towards staff etc (probably not enforceable but a clear message not to allow poor behaviour of guests).

mathanxiety · 05/12/2022 04:53

YANBU

The venue shouldn't be accepting wedding bookings when they are so shortstaffed.

dolor · 05/12/2022 05:02

Frankly, you deserve a standing fucking ovation.

To have ruined a wedding reception?
SafariRushHour · 05/12/2022 05:06

You had a panic attack and I’m not surprised. Quite surprised however that nobody helped collect or wash the glasses. It doesn’t take a genius to see such a problem and offer help

Justyouwaitandseeagain · 05/12/2022 05:14

Having been in hospitality I agree with other posters who say you were not in the wrong.

The management must take thd blame for understaffing and under supporting you and the whole running of the event/hotel.

The bride and groom / wedding party also carry blame due to the level of abuse you endured before leaving. They had options and ways to help you had they so chosen. At my own wedding I helped the bar staff with some extra furniture rearrangement I requested. They could have seen you needed glasses and gathered some up For example. Even if they didn't want to help, they could have been more patient or directed their anger at the management.

i am surprised you still describe yourself as a casual worker with no contract. Does this by any chance also mean you were paid cash in hand? Am surprised that a big brand chain still does this (not sure if it is a franchise?) it's been a couple of decades since my hospitality days so just surprised things haven't moved on on that score.

Mummyoflittledragon · 05/12/2022 05:15

You were scared of the repercussions from the wedding party. You protected your mental health.

If you have the strength, I would report this. The council local licensing unit and trading standards for the health and safety infractions as well as the underage bar tender. You could also contact 101 for the latter. Don’t forget to mention the other things such as stealing your tips and being only one staff member resulting in unreasonable restrictions on toilet breaks and access to fluids - ie you couldn’t access them along with the sexual harassment by your new manager.

You would be protecting others. Guests as well as other staff members.

daretodenim · 05/12/2022 05:31

I used to do bar work for an upmarket catering company. Weddings every weekend. Some sporting clubs too. Never, ever was there one bartender for 200 people, even if the bar was paid. Cash bars really, really slow things down. It's simply not possible. Our bar manager would only leave if there weren't many people left (only at sporting club, not weddings). It's not possible to have 200 drinkers, a cash bar and nobody collecting (and washing) glasses and provide a decent service. If the manager wanted you behind the bar all the time, s/he should have been collecting glasses.

Glad you're not working there.

I'd not bother sending the receptionist chocs. Send her job listings! Hospitality is frying out for people at the moment. It wouldn't be hard to find a better employer!

As for walking out. You had a panic attack. You were essentially made ill by your working conditions. You can't tell a manager you're taken ill if a manager isn't on duty. That's a risk the management take by not being there..managing. Should you have walked out without telling anyone? Ideally no. But it's hardly like anything about the situation was ideal!!

Any review badmouthing you is badmouthing you as a rep of the hotel. It's personal and not. They are pissed off at how the night went. They should be. The hotel didn't staff their event properly.

quinceh · 05/12/2022 05:37

You’re well out of that horror show OP. Well done for waking out. I have no sympathy for anyone involved here except you.

Coldhouseflowers · 05/12/2022 05:38

Wow, that’s absolutely horrendous I would have left too. Do not feel bad about this the hotel should not have put you in this position to begin ! The hotel management or lack of it ruined their wedding not you !

Ritasueandbobtoo9 · 05/12/2022 05:43

I think walking out was the only sensible option. Anyone in doubt here has never worked in that kind of environment. It could have gone very very wrong indeed. No one should have to put up with verbal and sexual abuse. Impossible to collect and wash glasses, serve and change barrels.

Puppers · 05/12/2022 05:43

AutumnCrow · 05/12/2022 00:44

No duty manager?

You just walked away from the bar full of spirits and wines?

You walked away from a full till?

Crikey.

Those are all problems for management to consider and take ownership of. They are not the responsibility of (probably minimum wage) bar staff.

Mummyoflittledragon · 05/12/2022 05:49

Ritasueandbobtoo9 · 05/12/2022 05:43

I think walking out was the only sensible option. Anyone in doubt here has never worked in that kind of environment. It could have gone very very wrong indeed. No one should have to put up with verbal and sexual abuse. Impossible to collect and wash glasses, serve and change barrels.

This. I’ve worked in the skankiest pub imaginable. The sexual bantering and harassment was high, I was young and to these 50 year old leeches, I’m sure desirable. No way would I have felt safe to be alone in a room with them, even if I’d been a bit older and in my 30s.

DdraigGoch · 05/12/2022 06:05

BeagleLover1 · 05/12/2022 00:54

This place doesn’t care about rules and regulations. The bartender serving the family party was 17. Thankfully, the other bartender on that night is a huge confident bloke who can hold his own with abusive guests, and he was looking out for the 17 year old. The bars are covered in mould and there’s been problems with vermin. I know it sounds unbelievable that a place could be so mismanaged, but it’s true. I was a guest a wedding at this hotel about 10 years ago, and it had issues then. I almost want to name and shame, but I won’t.

I'd be considering reporting them to the local authority. Breaking all of the rules about under 18 work.

Peedoffo · 05/12/2022 06:09

You were staffing a wedding bar on your own , being insulted and paid a pittance..Yep the hotel deserved it.

Zanatdy · 05/12/2022 06:26

Ridiculous they had 1 person on the bar for a wedding. The wedding party sound very rude, but perhaps they need to lay the blame on their guests for being so rude and sexist.

Sleepyquest · 05/12/2022 06:31

I don't know you but I'm proud of you for leaving! You wouldn't have left if they had treated you with some respect so it's on them. Don't worry about it

rippleraspberry · 05/12/2022 06:35

Toucan123 · 05/12/2022 00:38

You were being harassed, bullied and verbally abused. I don't blame you for removing yourself from the situation at all.

This.

You have nothing to feel bad about. It's on the management and (to some extent) the horrible guests.

RedHelenB · 05/12/2022 06:36

AutumnCrow · 05/12/2022 00:44

No duty manager?

You just walked away from the bar full of spirits and wines?

You walked away from a full till?

Crikey.

Never mind a refund, if I eas the wedding party I'd have filled my boots!

Redkettle · 05/12/2022 06:42

I work in a bar restaurant for extra money at weekends OP. I'd have done the same they sound like a right nasty bunch.

hattie43 · 05/12/2022 06:44

It sounds like you were under huge pressure and totally the hotels fault for not staffing adequately.

Not ideal to leave but understandable given the circumstances imo .

EmmaDilemma5 · 05/12/2022 06:49

I wouldn't have coped with an hour, let alone near 4. You did well to stick it out until then.

They left you, knowing you were severely understaffed. For 200 guests, I'd have expected at least 2 glass collectors/washers, 3 bartenders and 1 manager/wedding aide on hand for odd jobs.

The manager should have offered to have stayed or paid more to get people in last minute.

I'm glad you're in the position to be able to tell them to stick it!

Zonder · 05/12/2022 06:49

She locked up the bar before she left to change the barrel. And then she was taken ill and left.

My only concern is she won't get paid for a horrendous shift.

FootFlapperage · 05/12/2022 06:50

YANBU!!!!!!!

mrstea301 · 05/12/2022 06:54

Greenshake · 05/12/2022 00:39

I don’t blame you at all but I do feel a bit sorry for the bride and groom who will have paid a lot for their reception.

That's the thing though, isn't it - they'll have paid a lot, which should have covered the cost of a full complement of staff for the evening! My wedding was tiny, with ten guests, and there was more than one person behind the bar all evening!