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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To have ruined a wedding reception?

377 replies

BeagleLover1 · 05/12/2022 00:29

Took on a weekend part-time bar job, needs must. I’m a single mum to teen DC who are fine to be left and I have a 9-5 in the week, so it made sense.

I’ve been working there 2 months now. It’s a large hotel that has wedding functions. I actually loved it at first, the buzz, having a crack and making conversation with people etc. Some of the other bar staff were similar age to me (late 30s) which was lovely as well.

The last month though, there’s been an influx of people leaving due to terrible working conditions. We are no longer getting tips due to ‘increased bills’, there’s a sexist new supervisor that insults us all in his own language (somebody used a translater on their phone to find out what he was saying to women under his breath all of the time, and it was vile), we aren’t allowed drinks on shift anymore (we used to be allowed to have drinks on draft, now that’s not allowed, we can only have water and the bars don’t even have a bloody sink so we have to leave the bar to walk across the hotel to a water machine, on 12 hour shifts), everybody is too scared to order staff food from the chef on breaks because he is also overworked and has a go at us for ordering food. It’s been awful but I was trying to stick it out.

We are very understaffed. I went in on Saturday, and found out that there were 2 weddings on in 2 different function rooms, and then a family party on in another room. Both weddings 200 people each, the family party 70 people. There were only 3 bar staff in the entire hotel, one for each function. We also have a main bar in the lobby but that was shut due to being understaffed. I had to manage a bar of 200 people completely alone. The managers left at 8pm, just as it was kicking off. Our bars shut at 2am so I knew I was in for it. The bar was always rammed with at least 6 people at any given time. By 11pm I craved the sweet release of death. I was dealing with sexual harassment from several different blokes, and had nobody to back me up. I kept getting shouted at for slow service, constant “For fucks sake love, how long does it take to pour a pint” (whilst I had 5 other drinks orders to do before him), people spending literally 10 minutes arguing about who’s paying for what round whilst other people shouted at me to serve them, people demanding free drinks “Oh I’m the best man don’t I get one?”, being called a “tight cow” for giving £5 in change in coins instead of a note. I couldn’t stand it. People who weren’t even part of the wedding kept wandering in as well angered that the lobby bar was closed, expecting to be served by me.

I than ran out of glasses, they’d all been used and nobody bothered bringing them back to the bar when they came to order again. That meant I had to leave the bar to go and collect some glasses, by the time I got back there were about 20 people at the bar, and I could only carry 8 glasses at a time so that’s all I had. First bloke ordered a beer, I go to pour and find the beer is empty. I announce I need to change the keg and that I’ll be right back, cue them all moaning at me.

I went to the basement to change the beers and then had a panic attack because I knew what I was in for when I got back. Insults and abuse. Then I had an epiphany. “I don’t have to do this. Nobody is forcing me to be here. I’m not their slave.” So I just went to the office to clock out and fucked off home (it was about 11:30pm at this point) where I spent the rest of the evening drinking wine and watching TV. I did feel slightly guilty that my actions my have ruined a wedding reception but then I didn’t care, it’s their own fault for being cunts to me. They weren’t a nice lot at all.

Woke up this morning to an incensed text from my manager. The other 2 bar staff in were too busy to notice my function had no bartender, so nobody covered me. Apparently didn’t take long for the bride and groom to notice they had no bar and they wandered the hotel for the rest of their wedding reception looking for a staff member (they couldn’t access the other 2 functions) to talk to. Eventually the poor girl at front desk got it which I feel awful about, I didn’t consider that. She was unable to serve them as had to be at the front desk, but she dealt with them screaming at her all night. The wedding party are fuming, have all left terrible reviews (I’ve read it and it’s full of personal insults about me) and are demanding a full refund from the hotel which will likely need to be granted. They were that busy trying to sort out the lack of bar they missed most of the dancing and food at their own wedding reception. I feel awful about my colleague at front desk but AIBU to think the wedding party deserved it and to not feel guilty about them. It goes without saying that I no longer have a job there, but it’s a relief. I also feel smug that the sexist supervisor had to clean up after them the next day. That typically would’ve been my job at 3am after the function.

OP posts:
Jas5mum · 05/12/2022 00:58

This is management's fault. Totally unacceptable. Surely each bar should have had at least 2 staff. What if there was an incident like a fight or worse! Surely leaving the bar unattended is frowned upon.
There should have been a manager in the building covering the 3 functions.
I don't feel like the bride and groom missed most of the reception as it was 11.30! My reception was ending by then.
They didn't get what they booked which was a bar to 2am so I'd say 3 hours should be refunded. Still not your fault tho, if the hotel didn't treat you like shit then you would have stayed. I hope everyone leaves and they're forced to cancel events!

BeagleLover1 · 05/12/2022 00:58

All I will say is it’s a Best Western hotel in the Greater Manchester area.

OP posts:
Summerfun54321 · 05/12/2022 00:59

It’s not for a single member of bar staff to make up for terrible management. There’s no way it was safe or sensible to have 1 member of staff serving an entire wedding party.

AutumnCrow · 05/12/2022 01:00

BeagleLover1 · 05/12/2022 00:58

All I will say is it’s a Best Western hotel in the Greater Manchester area.

They are routinely voted the shittest hotel chain in country, aren't they?

PlentyOFool · 05/12/2022 01:06

You lasted a hell of a lot longer than I would've! Between your managers fucking off and the punters being assholes, my conscience would be crystal clear

BeagleLover1 · 05/12/2022 01:08

Even if the managers were around, they’d have been useless. One is known for getting pissed on bar stock Pimms in plain view of bar staff, during peak rush and then fucking off to her office and locking the door. Got to love working in hospitality!

OP posts:
Badgirlriri · 05/12/2022 01:11

Good for you! I hope if i’m ever in that situation I have the balls to stand up for myself like that!

Topseyt123 · 05/12/2022 01:13

It sounds like a terrible environment. I think you did the right thing by walking out as sometimes you just have to back away from something for the sake of your own mental health.

I wouldn't have lasted as long as you did.

AtrociousCircumstance · 05/12/2022 01:16

Good for you.

oakleaffy · 05/12/2022 01:16

AutumnCrow · 05/12/2022 00:44

No duty manager?

You just walked away from the bar full of spirits and wines?

You walked away from a full till?

Crikey.

That was my first thought! ( Not the till, but the booze)
Surely the guests could have drunk themselves stupid for free.. ?

oakleaffy · 05/12/2022 01:18

Edit:
The management were definitely at fault here for not having enough staff on.
No way could one person cope with 200 guests.

IAmWomanHearMeRoar1 · 05/12/2022 01:19

OP I would leave a review reply on their site, giving your point of view, and basically re-posting your OP, so those people in the wedding party have your side, will know it was not your fault, and they and potential customers will see that there is a serious management issue. They (the reviewers and wedding party) deserve to know the truth, and you have the right to clear your conscience by telling the truth.

Aquamarine1029 · 05/12/2022 01:21

Good for you, op. Your account of what you were dealing with is absolutely insane. No one person could possibly have managed that shit show.

oakleaffy · 05/12/2022 01:30

@BeagleLover1 I missed the part where you said you's pulled down the shutters on the bar..At least that was responsible so they couldn't drink the place dry for free.

I did google ''Best Western Hotels'' Manchester area, but couldn't see any bad reviews..? {Recent ones} Try not to worry too much.

Pissed up people are a pain in the arse.

BeagleLover1 · 05/12/2022 01:32

The reviews may have been hidden as some contain vile insults toward me

OP posts:
changeme4this · 05/12/2022 01:34

BeagleLover1 · 05/12/2022 00:49

Technically there is a duty manager but he shows up and goes home as and when he likes. The whole place is an absolute shitshow.

Then you should point out there was no duty manager present, drinks were not able to continued to be served, and you removed yourself from the abuse.

End of story.

hugefanofcheese · 05/12/2022 01:43

Fair play to you, the place was terribly managed and understaffed, you were being verbally abused and it made you ill. You locked the bar up so didn't leave the drinks or money available to customers. That level of abusive behaviour could have easily got out of hand/ physical and there's no way you should've stuck around to be hit by a flying glass.

Ok, you could've told the manager before leaving but he should've been around. The receptionist could have also contacted him proactively. This is on management, not you.

Benjieandjacksmum · 05/12/2022 01:43

What other bar staff? Op has already said that for three functions they had only rostered three bar staff. I have worked in hotel management and this is absolutely insane. No one to change barrels so she had to leave the bar. The whole thing is a complete health and safety nightmare. I've had what I consider to be nightmare shifts but this is just horrific. That duty manager has serious questions to answer. I have in the past started my shift at 8.30am continued working right through til 11pm to have the night porter call in sick and have to tidy up the bar area and set the following morning breakfast area and finally got to bed at 3am. As duty manager that was what I was there for. You did the right thing Op you got out safely. At minimum wage and a part time second job why anyone would expect you to tough it out is beyond me. I've seen how people behave when they have had a few drinks and it was irresponsible of management to put you in that position.

Maverickess · 05/12/2022 01:49

Definitely a management issue, very, very poorly managed.
But as usual because people are so fucking entitled around alcohol, even though they could see with their own eyes that there was ONE person trying to serve all those guests, keep stock going and collect/wash glasses they were abusive towards that person - how the fuck is that going to make anything any better?

What's it going to achieve other than the people doing it feeling superior at making someone else's night hell because they couldn't get a drink of alcohol in a time frame they decided was suitable, even though it was glaringly obvious that was impossible?

While this is all on the management IMO, people need to start realising that the way they are treating service staff is half the issue. What did their stroppy, abusive behaviour for slow service get them? It got them no service at all because the person on the recieving end decided - rightly- fuck this and walked out.

The shitty management and then the shitty behaviour of the 'guests' as detailed here is a lot of the reason why hospitality is struggling for staff.

Good on you OP!

pollyglot · 05/12/2022 02:01

OP, you done good. Totally unsafe working environment. You could think about lodging a formal complaint?

NumberTheory · 05/12/2022 02:03

I’m a bit in two minds about this.

I don’t think you were wrong to leave. It’s more about the way you seem to be blaming the guests rather than the management who seem like they fucked over the wedding guests, leaving you to take the strain.

Even with you there, it sounds like the hotel failed to provide the service the wedding reception could reasonably expect. It’s not the sort of thing you can redo, so I understand some anger towards the hotel - which means you (and the receptionist) as representatives. But that anger shouldn’t be personal or abusive. So to the extent it was, I think it’s reasonable to blame them. But it sounds like the whole situation is largely down to the management failing to staff appropriately and that’s where the majority of the blame should go.

oakleaffy · 05/12/2022 02:05

It does indeed seem very dangerous to be so severely understaffed.
What if there was a fire?
How would all the drunk guests be evacuated..
It really does seem like a Health and safety nightmare.

BeagleLover1 · 05/12/2022 02:05

I understand management is the problem but I also lay some blame on the guests. I’ve had nights before where I’ve been alone and struggling, and the guests were lovely and patient. This particular party were vile, including the bride and the groom who I got verbal abuse from for not being able to magic up 15 drinks immediately.

OP posts:
oakleaffy · 05/12/2022 02:08

BeagleLover1 · 05/12/2022 02:05

I understand management is the problem but I also lay some blame on the guests. I’ve had nights before where I’ve been alone and struggling, and the guests were lovely and patient. This particular party were vile, including the bride and the groom who I got verbal abuse from for not being able to magic up 15 drinks immediately.

I'm not at a drinker {Coffee is my thing!} But I have been at a wedding reception where one person got really vile and aggressive towards another guest when drunk.

Alcohol can make some people very nasty indeed.

Mamai90 · 05/12/2022 02:16

I feel sorry for the bride and groom but you were absolutely right to leave. That's on the hotel for understaffing the venue and they deserve all the bad reviews. You did the right thing and lasted longer than most!

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