Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To have ruined a wedding reception?

377 replies

BeagleLover1 · 05/12/2022 00:29

Took on a weekend part-time bar job, needs must. I’m a single mum to teen DC who are fine to be left and I have a 9-5 in the week, so it made sense.

I’ve been working there 2 months now. It’s a large hotel that has wedding functions. I actually loved it at first, the buzz, having a crack and making conversation with people etc. Some of the other bar staff were similar age to me (late 30s) which was lovely as well.

The last month though, there’s been an influx of people leaving due to terrible working conditions. We are no longer getting tips due to ‘increased bills’, there’s a sexist new supervisor that insults us all in his own language (somebody used a translater on their phone to find out what he was saying to women under his breath all of the time, and it was vile), we aren’t allowed drinks on shift anymore (we used to be allowed to have drinks on draft, now that’s not allowed, we can only have water and the bars don’t even have a bloody sink so we have to leave the bar to walk across the hotel to a water machine, on 12 hour shifts), everybody is too scared to order staff food from the chef on breaks because he is also overworked and has a go at us for ordering food. It’s been awful but I was trying to stick it out.

We are very understaffed. I went in on Saturday, and found out that there were 2 weddings on in 2 different function rooms, and then a family party on in another room. Both weddings 200 people each, the family party 70 people. There were only 3 bar staff in the entire hotel, one for each function. We also have a main bar in the lobby but that was shut due to being understaffed. I had to manage a bar of 200 people completely alone. The managers left at 8pm, just as it was kicking off. Our bars shut at 2am so I knew I was in for it. The bar was always rammed with at least 6 people at any given time. By 11pm I craved the sweet release of death. I was dealing with sexual harassment from several different blokes, and had nobody to back me up. I kept getting shouted at for slow service, constant “For fucks sake love, how long does it take to pour a pint” (whilst I had 5 other drinks orders to do before him), people spending literally 10 minutes arguing about who’s paying for what round whilst other people shouted at me to serve them, people demanding free drinks “Oh I’m the best man don’t I get one?”, being called a “tight cow” for giving £5 in change in coins instead of a note. I couldn’t stand it. People who weren’t even part of the wedding kept wandering in as well angered that the lobby bar was closed, expecting to be served by me.

I than ran out of glasses, they’d all been used and nobody bothered bringing them back to the bar when they came to order again. That meant I had to leave the bar to go and collect some glasses, by the time I got back there were about 20 people at the bar, and I could only carry 8 glasses at a time so that’s all I had. First bloke ordered a beer, I go to pour and find the beer is empty. I announce I need to change the keg and that I’ll be right back, cue them all moaning at me.

I went to the basement to change the beers and then had a panic attack because I knew what I was in for when I got back. Insults and abuse. Then I had an epiphany. “I don’t have to do this. Nobody is forcing me to be here. I’m not their slave.” So I just went to the office to clock out and fucked off home (it was about 11:30pm at this point) where I spent the rest of the evening drinking wine and watching TV. I did feel slightly guilty that my actions my have ruined a wedding reception but then I didn’t care, it’s their own fault for being cunts to me. They weren’t a nice lot at all.

Woke up this morning to an incensed text from my manager. The other 2 bar staff in were too busy to notice my function had no bartender, so nobody covered me. Apparently didn’t take long for the bride and groom to notice they had no bar and they wandered the hotel for the rest of their wedding reception looking for a staff member (they couldn’t access the other 2 functions) to talk to. Eventually the poor girl at front desk got it which I feel awful about, I didn’t consider that. She was unable to serve them as had to be at the front desk, but she dealt with them screaming at her all night. The wedding party are fuming, have all left terrible reviews (I’ve read it and it’s full of personal insults about me) and are demanding a full refund from the hotel which will likely need to be granted. They were that busy trying to sort out the lack of bar they missed most of the dancing and food at their own wedding reception. I feel awful about my colleague at front desk but AIBU to think the wedding party deserved it and to not feel guilty about them. It goes without saying that I no longer have a job there, but it’s a relief. I also feel smug that the sexist supervisor had to clean up after them the next day. That typically would’ve been my job at 3am after the function.

OP posts:
Daddydog · 05/12/2022 07:35

Management put prices up, reduce service and expect the lowest paid staff to pick up the slack. There's a word to describe people like you... and that word is 'Hero'! :)

ClaireEclair · 05/12/2022 07:39

In a few years time you’re going to be telling this story proudly. And you should. What you did was awesome! I feel bad for the receptionist but you were getting as much crap for hours before that. Maybe this will shake the management up a bit. Having one person manning a bar at a wedding is insane!

Lovageandrose · 05/12/2022 07:40

YANBU. If more people took a stand like you and stopped putting up with cunty people there would be fewer cunts in this world.

If they had half a brain they would have stayed quiet and helped themself to the bar for free for the rest of the night.

You did the right thing and I applaud you.

BeautifulWar · 05/12/2022 07:45

Bloody hell, that sounds awful. I've done bar work myself and it's not easy on manic nights, let alone being left alone!

You are human - you couldn't take any more. This is totally on the manager for buggering off, knowing how understaffed they were and the hotel for employing such a wanker in the first place.

3luckystars · 05/12/2022 07:48

Why didn’t they just help themselves at the bar? This story would have been a lot better if you had shouted this out, like the Milkybar Kid, before you left for the evening.

don’t worry about it, not many would be able to wok in those conditions.

Allsnotwell · 05/12/2022 07:48

When I read through I was willing you to walk out! More fool the managers for not advertising increased pay and conditions for staff - a good staff are worth their weight in gold.

It’s about time people stuck up for themselves.

And as a casual worker you don’t need a reference or even mention you worked there for your next adventure.

PuttingDownRoots · 05/12/2022 07:53

The management ruined the wedding, not you! And their guests, being abusive to bar staff.

I feel sympathy for them, as they paid a lot of money for something they can't repeat, but it wasn't your fault.

Well done for walking out on abusive guests.

FancyFran · 05/12/2022 07:55

A would have said three staff should have been on to service 200. They could have floated between events if not needed.
No one wants these jobs because they are crap.
You were being insulted and threatened. I would tell trading standards.
You secured the stock and left. Nothing more to say.
I hope you have a better week.

Icedlatteplease · 05/12/2022 07:55

Can't help thinking you ought to be talking to a lawyer about constructive dismissal

Sisisimone · 05/12/2022 07:58

Icedlatteplease · 05/12/2022 07:55

Can't help thinking you ought to be talking to a lawyer about constructive dismissal

This was my first thought

Stravaig · 05/12/2022 07:58

But as usual because people are so fucking entitled around alcohol, even though they could see with their own eyes that there was ONE person trying to serve all those guests, keep stock going and collect/wash glasses they were abusive towards that person - how the fuck is that going to make anything any better?

Yes, this. If the wedding guests had been in any way decent human beings, they'd have seen what was happening, and pitched in: organised people to collect and return glasses, rationalised the orders, wrangled the queue, and ejected the abusive louts from the venue. Or even - radical this - had a good time without yet another drink!!!

You didn't spoil the wedding, OP. The guests couldn't celebrate a marriage without binge drinking, and verbally abusing and sexually harrassing the sole female staff member. That's on them.

IneedanewTV · 05/12/2022 08:00

My son works in a hotel that has weddings, Xmas parties etc. Very short staff, so I don’t blame you. I wish my son would walk out. Often he has to clear up after a wedding after 1am and then set the room up for the next day and get the breakfast tables ready. He gets home at 3:30am all for minimum wage.

Iknowthis1 · 05/12/2022 08:02

None of it is your fault.

fancyacuppatea · 05/12/2022 08:02

@BeagleLover1 I hope you've blocked the manager.
Well done on standing up for yourself. I'm surprised you lasted as long as you did.

ImprobablePuffin · 05/12/2022 08:04

AutumnCrow · 05/12/2022 00:44

No duty manager?

You just walked away from the bar full of spirits and wines?

You walked away from a full till?

Crikey.

I don't blame her one bit. Not her fault management are inept arseholes.

Peoniesandcream · 05/12/2022 08:04

Managers should have stayed to help! It's not anyone else's fault there's no staff and I'd be annoyed if I had booked a party that ended up like this.

ChessieDarling · 05/12/2022 08:04

I don’t blame you for walking out but I think it was remiss not to even tell the receptionist to be honest. That being said, in the ‘heat of the moment’, I certainly don’t blame you for not thinking to do so.
I feel (a bit) sorry for the bride and groom as having the bar abruptly shut at 11:30 rather than 2 would somewhat kill the party and, by your description of the guests, it sounds a lot were quite reliant on that bar being open. Also one bar person for a wedding of 200 guests is ridiculous. However the way you were spoken to and treated was entirely unacceptable and there’s no excuse for that, you shouldn’t have to put up with that. The fault for the whole shitshow lies firmly with management.

IneedanewTV · 05/12/2022 08:05

If more people did what you did employers running there big chain hotels might pay a realistic wage

MelchiorsMistress · 05/12/2022 08:06

How did they miss their own food and dancing if you didn’t leave until 11.30?

Surely by 11.30 all the wedding stuff had been done and it was just the piss up left?

hugefanofcheese · 05/12/2022 08:06

BeagleLover1 · 05/12/2022 02:28

Have just checked and the worst reviews are gone, so I a imagine management has raised a dispute with TripAdvisor. To protect their own image of course. Words used consist of, ‘drippy’, ‘meek’ ‘gormless’, ‘simple’ ‘incompetent’, ‘thick’ and then one goes on about my appearance. They are angry I get but no need for it, they deserved it. If they had been nice and patient with me I’d have stuck it out and been apologetic to them.

They sound like awful people looking for trouble. You would've been obviously doing your best to anyone reasonable. At any wedding I've been to, most would've collected glasses before going to the bar then the b&g could've taken it up later with management underlining that you were not at fault but the bar was understaffed

Tulipomania · 05/12/2022 08:10

Lack of staff is due to Brexit.

Exacerbated by poor management. Your response was completely understandable OP.

PritiPatelsMaker · 05/12/2022 08:12

I've worked as bar staff in and off for years. I think I would have been off as soon as I'd found out the things he'd been saying under his breath. The whole working environment sounds toxic.

Franklyfrost · 05/12/2022 08:12

Next time give yourself regular short breaks to rest, restock and collect glasses from the start rather than stick at it and suddenly leave. Sorry they were jerks.

jay55 · 05/12/2022 08:17

I can't believe you stayed in the job after they started stealing staff tips.
I do hope you report them to the council for breaking their license having a 17 year old serving, working after 10pm and doing a longer than 8 hour shift.

L1ttledrummergirl · 05/12/2022 08:18

Not your fault, you didn't ruin anything.
The hotel manager is the person responsible for the hotel. If they chose to cost the business money and reputation by failing to consider appropriate staffing levels, the alcohol law, health and safety, lone working etc, then that is a consequence of their decisions.

It is not down to junior level employees to cover their poor decisions. It sounds as though you didn't feel safe or supported, you could speak to ACAS or a union rep for advice on constructive dismissal due to the serial harassment with no supporr- not because you want the job back, but because it might help employees in the future and make the company face difficult facts.

Ywnbu

Swipe left for the next trending thread