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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To have ruined a wedding reception?

377 replies

BeagleLover1 · 05/12/2022 00:29

Took on a weekend part-time bar job, needs must. I’m a single mum to teen DC who are fine to be left and I have a 9-5 in the week, so it made sense.

I’ve been working there 2 months now. It’s a large hotel that has wedding functions. I actually loved it at first, the buzz, having a crack and making conversation with people etc. Some of the other bar staff were similar age to me (late 30s) which was lovely as well.

The last month though, there’s been an influx of people leaving due to terrible working conditions. We are no longer getting tips due to ‘increased bills’, there’s a sexist new supervisor that insults us all in his own language (somebody used a translater on their phone to find out what he was saying to women under his breath all of the time, and it was vile), we aren’t allowed drinks on shift anymore (we used to be allowed to have drinks on draft, now that’s not allowed, we can only have water and the bars don’t even have a bloody sink so we have to leave the bar to walk across the hotel to a water machine, on 12 hour shifts), everybody is too scared to order staff food from the chef on breaks because he is also overworked and has a go at us for ordering food. It’s been awful but I was trying to stick it out.

We are very understaffed. I went in on Saturday, and found out that there were 2 weddings on in 2 different function rooms, and then a family party on in another room. Both weddings 200 people each, the family party 70 people. There were only 3 bar staff in the entire hotel, one for each function. We also have a main bar in the lobby but that was shut due to being understaffed. I had to manage a bar of 200 people completely alone. The managers left at 8pm, just as it was kicking off. Our bars shut at 2am so I knew I was in for it. The bar was always rammed with at least 6 people at any given time. By 11pm I craved the sweet release of death. I was dealing with sexual harassment from several different blokes, and had nobody to back me up. I kept getting shouted at for slow service, constant “For fucks sake love, how long does it take to pour a pint” (whilst I had 5 other drinks orders to do before him), people spending literally 10 minutes arguing about who’s paying for what round whilst other people shouted at me to serve them, people demanding free drinks “Oh I’m the best man don’t I get one?”, being called a “tight cow” for giving £5 in change in coins instead of a note. I couldn’t stand it. People who weren’t even part of the wedding kept wandering in as well angered that the lobby bar was closed, expecting to be served by me.

I than ran out of glasses, they’d all been used and nobody bothered bringing them back to the bar when they came to order again. That meant I had to leave the bar to go and collect some glasses, by the time I got back there were about 20 people at the bar, and I could only carry 8 glasses at a time so that’s all I had. First bloke ordered a beer, I go to pour and find the beer is empty. I announce I need to change the keg and that I’ll be right back, cue them all moaning at me.

I went to the basement to change the beers and then had a panic attack because I knew what I was in for when I got back. Insults and abuse. Then I had an epiphany. “I don’t have to do this. Nobody is forcing me to be here. I’m not their slave.” So I just went to the office to clock out and fucked off home (it was about 11:30pm at this point) where I spent the rest of the evening drinking wine and watching TV. I did feel slightly guilty that my actions my have ruined a wedding reception but then I didn’t care, it’s their own fault for being cunts to me. They weren’t a nice lot at all.

Woke up this morning to an incensed text from my manager. The other 2 bar staff in were too busy to notice my function had no bartender, so nobody covered me. Apparently didn’t take long for the bride and groom to notice they had no bar and they wandered the hotel for the rest of their wedding reception looking for a staff member (they couldn’t access the other 2 functions) to talk to. Eventually the poor girl at front desk got it which I feel awful about, I didn’t consider that. She was unable to serve them as had to be at the front desk, but she dealt with them screaming at her all night. The wedding party are fuming, have all left terrible reviews (I’ve read it and it’s full of personal insults about me) and are demanding a full refund from the hotel which will likely need to be granted. They were that busy trying to sort out the lack of bar they missed most of the dancing and food at their own wedding reception. I feel awful about my colleague at front desk but AIBU to think the wedding party deserved it and to not feel guilty about them. It goes without saying that I no longer have a job there, but it’s a relief. I also feel smug that the sexist supervisor had to clean up after them the next day. That typically would’ve been my job at 3am after the function.

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SleepingStandingUp · 05/12/2022 00:34

What you did wasn't great but I'd say its mostly on the hotel for understaffing the venue. And if you left at 11.30 surely they'd eaten and danced for hours so they hardly spent all night chasing you. Could have just declared to the guests that there was no barman rather than screaming at a receptionist for hours. Frankly amazed they didn't serve themselves.

Testina · 05/12/2022 00:34

Well done for walking out!
They absolutely deserved it.
If you can afford it, I might send some chocolates in for the front desk person. Not an apology as such as it’s not your fault - just a camaraderie sympathy box!
Then don’t look back!

PrincessofWellies · 05/12/2022 00:34

I hate to say it, but I wouldn't have lasted that long. . .

BeagleLover1 · 05/12/2022 00:36

They were huge drinkers, I could tell that they would continue to attempt to order past 2am when our license expires and that they would be abusive when I shut the bar.

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Primroseprimula · 05/12/2022 00:37

Yanbu!

Honeyroar · 05/12/2022 00:37

That’s awful. I bet you were all on minimum wage dealing with all that too. You aren’t a manager, a glass collector or wedding coordinator. Someone else should have been there to deal with that. Of course they’re going to lose staff. Hospitality is dreadful for how it treats it’s staff. Yes it was a shame the wedding suffered and the girl on reception got the flack all night, but all that is due to dreadful managers.

Toucan123 · 05/12/2022 00:38

You were being harassed, bullied and verbally abused. I don't blame you for removing yourself from the situation at all.

Greenshake · 05/12/2022 00:39

I don’t blame you at all but I do feel a bit sorry for the bride and groom who will have paid a lot for their reception.

MrsTerryPratchett · 05/12/2022 00:41

The actual people at fault are your managers. If I was waiting for ages at an understaffed bar with no beer and no glasses I'd be cheesed off. Not rude because I've been where you are. But people are rude and your managers knew what they were doing. It certainly wasn't the bride's fault and doubtless she paid a lot for one day she wanted to be good.

Lone working when there's alcohol is a bloody stupid idea and no manager should have left at that point.

Walk out by all means but the poor bride as well as you.

Friendofdennis · 05/12/2022 00:42

You stuck it out til 11.30 at least. You were being abused and bullied. The manager should have stayed on to help. I’m sorry you had a panic attack. Just put it behind you if you can. It sounds awful

Eastie77Returns · 05/12/2022 00:42

Well done. I would have left too. Your mental health and well-being come first.

misssunshine4040 · 05/12/2022 00:42

No duty manager in the whole hotel?!

AutumnCrow · 05/12/2022 00:44

No duty manager?

You just walked away from the bar full of spirits and wines?

You walked away from a full till?

Crikey.

growgrowinggrown · 05/12/2022 00:47

Are you liable for any drinks/spirits taken by the guests? Or your till being unmanned?

ChillyFingers · 05/12/2022 00:48

The managers should not have left obviously if there was a staff shortage. They should have stayed on to help, part of being a manager surely. One bar staff for 200 people at a wedding is ludicrous and you did very well to last as long as you did. I probably would have called or texted one of the managers and said I had diarrhoea or something so someone needed to come to take over, then never gone back, but I can understand heat of the moment and all that.

BeagleLover1 · 05/12/2022 00:49

Technically there is a duty manager but he shows up and goes home as and when he likes. The whole place is an absolute shitshow.

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misssunshine4040 · 05/12/2022 00:50

Did you let anyone else know you were leaving? The staff in the other function? Reception? What time does the night manager start?
I understand how stressful it was for you but to walk out and not inform anyone is awful.
You could have 100% said you were not staying and let the other bar staff come over to the other bar.
Absolutely anything could have happened.

Genevieva · 05/12/2022 00:50

Many congratulations for leaving your horrid job in style!

Honestly, your manager left you in an unsafe position at work and it made you ill. The girl on reception was clearly either so lacking in ingenuity that she didn't think to call the manager or she was too scared to. It sounds like the hotel is going down the pan.

On the plus side, they are unlikely to have to reimburse the bride and groom entirely. Presumably there was a meal before that. It was a pay-as-you-go bar and you left at 11.30pm so they got most of the evening. But maybe it will teach the hotel a lesson about making sure they have a safe work culture and enough staff on duty.

Enjoy your new found freedom. This episode won't stop you finding something else if you want it. Just don't put it on your CV!

BeagleLover1 · 05/12/2022 00:50

@growgrowinggrown.

I have thought about that. I don’t even have a contract though, I’m a ‘casual worker’ so I’d fight it. It’s not been mentioned that anything was stolen and I did lock the bar door and pull the shutters down to protect the bar before going to change the keg (and subsequently leaving) so I didn’t leave the bar open to them.

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Testina · 05/12/2022 00:52

Shame you didn’t leave the bar open really - that would have solved the “ruining the wedding” issue. No queue if serving themselves, and though you can’t give back dirty glasses, they could refill their own.

BeagleLover1 · 05/12/2022 00:54

This place doesn’t care about rules and regulations. The bartender serving the family party was 17. Thankfully, the other bartender on that night is a huge confident bloke who can hold his own with abusive guests, and he was looking out for the 17 year old. The bars are covered in mould and there’s been problems with vermin. I know it sounds unbelievable that a place could be so mismanaged, but it’s true. I was a guest a wedding at this hotel about 10 years ago, and it had issues then. I almost want to name and shame, but I won’t.

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AutumnCrow · 05/12/2022 00:55

So after you collected the glasses, you had to wash them up and dry them too? Or did you just re-use them as was?

Btw no duty manager means the hotel wasn't fire safety compliant (or properly insured) so you can get it closed down if you want.

notangelinajolie · 05/12/2022 00:56

Well done you. You were being verbally abused and absolutely did the right thing. I'd have done the same, although I don't think I'd have stuck it out as long as you.

LaughingCat · 05/12/2022 00:56

YANBU. You should be fully staffed with support (as someone who ran bars for years).

I once did a party of 150 by myself - Irish bride and groom had their wedding reception upstairs in a Hogshead. They were all fucking lovely, understood I was by myself and even gave me help changing the barrel. A couple of them gave the teenagers twenty quid each to collect the glasses for me and bring them back to the bar. They were all very heavy drinkers so I was run off my feet. But then, I made over £600 in tips that night, twenty years ago. Management were downstairs all night doing the usual Friday night rush but made sure to come up a few times to check I was alright and ask if I needed help (which I happily declined given the tips I was making 😂).

Your situation was completely untenable. The job wasn’t worth it. I’m glad you walked out so spectacularly - well done! 👏

BeagleLover1 · 05/12/2022 00:57

@AutumnCrow I did put them in the gladswash but it takes 2 minutes to complete a cycle. That night I was taking them out after 30 seconds to deal with the influx of drinks orders.

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