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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To have ruined a wedding reception?

377 replies

BeagleLover1 · 05/12/2022 00:29

Took on a weekend part-time bar job, needs must. I’m a single mum to teen DC who are fine to be left and I have a 9-5 in the week, so it made sense.

I’ve been working there 2 months now. It’s a large hotel that has wedding functions. I actually loved it at first, the buzz, having a crack and making conversation with people etc. Some of the other bar staff were similar age to me (late 30s) which was lovely as well.

The last month though, there’s been an influx of people leaving due to terrible working conditions. We are no longer getting tips due to ‘increased bills’, there’s a sexist new supervisor that insults us all in his own language (somebody used a translater on their phone to find out what he was saying to women under his breath all of the time, and it was vile), we aren’t allowed drinks on shift anymore (we used to be allowed to have drinks on draft, now that’s not allowed, we can only have water and the bars don’t even have a bloody sink so we have to leave the bar to walk across the hotel to a water machine, on 12 hour shifts), everybody is too scared to order staff food from the chef on breaks because he is also overworked and has a go at us for ordering food. It’s been awful but I was trying to stick it out.

We are very understaffed. I went in on Saturday, and found out that there were 2 weddings on in 2 different function rooms, and then a family party on in another room. Both weddings 200 people each, the family party 70 people. There were only 3 bar staff in the entire hotel, one for each function. We also have a main bar in the lobby but that was shut due to being understaffed. I had to manage a bar of 200 people completely alone. The managers left at 8pm, just as it was kicking off. Our bars shut at 2am so I knew I was in for it. The bar was always rammed with at least 6 people at any given time. By 11pm I craved the sweet release of death. I was dealing with sexual harassment from several different blokes, and had nobody to back me up. I kept getting shouted at for slow service, constant “For fucks sake love, how long does it take to pour a pint” (whilst I had 5 other drinks orders to do before him), people spending literally 10 minutes arguing about who’s paying for what round whilst other people shouted at me to serve them, people demanding free drinks “Oh I’m the best man don’t I get one?”, being called a “tight cow” for giving £5 in change in coins instead of a note. I couldn’t stand it. People who weren’t even part of the wedding kept wandering in as well angered that the lobby bar was closed, expecting to be served by me.

I than ran out of glasses, they’d all been used and nobody bothered bringing them back to the bar when they came to order again. That meant I had to leave the bar to go and collect some glasses, by the time I got back there were about 20 people at the bar, and I could only carry 8 glasses at a time so that’s all I had. First bloke ordered a beer, I go to pour and find the beer is empty. I announce I need to change the keg and that I’ll be right back, cue them all moaning at me.

I went to the basement to change the beers and then had a panic attack because I knew what I was in for when I got back. Insults and abuse. Then I had an epiphany. “I don’t have to do this. Nobody is forcing me to be here. I’m not their slave.” So I just went to the office to clock out and fucked off home (it was about 11:30pm at this point) where I spent the rest of the evening drinking wine and watching TV. I did feel slightly guilty that my actions my have ruined a wedding reception but then I didn’t care, it’s their own fault for being cunts to me. They weren’t a nice lot at all.

Woke up this morning to an incensed text from my manager. The other 2 bar staff in were too busy to notice my function had no bartender, so nobody covered me. Apparently didn’t take long for the bride and groom to notice they had no bar and they wandered the hotel for the rest of their wedding reception looking for a staff member (they couldn’t access the other 2 functions) to talk to. Eventually the poor girl at front desk got it which I feel awful about, I didn’t consider that. She was unable to serve them as had to be at the front desk, but she dealt with them screaming at her all night. The wedding party are fuming, have all left terrible reviews (I’ve read it and it’s full of personal insults about me) and are demanding a full refund from the hotel which will likely need to be granted. They were that busy trying to sort out the lack of bar they missed most of the dancing and food at their own wedding reception. I feel awful about my colleague at front desk but AIBU to think the wedding party deserved it and to not feel guilty about them. It goes without saying that I no longer have a job there, but it’s a relief. I also feel smug that the sexist supervisor had to clean up after them the next day. That typically would’ve been my job at 3am after the function.

OP posts:
WeepingSomnambulist · 05/12/2022 12:39

AndEverWhoKnew · 05/12/2022 12:33

The wedding party didn't deserve it. It wasn't their fault you were understaffed or that for some reason the waiting staff didn't collect empty glasses (which is what usually happens at functions - if there is limited bar staff).
I agree with a PP that it's very surprising they went looking for someone rather than just helping themselves. I feel very sorry for the wedding party. All that planning and money and the reception was ruined.

What waiting staff? The OP was the only member of staff.
The OP did nothing wrong. This is entirely on management. She was right to walk out

MsRosley · 05/12/2022 12:39

Nobody should have to put up with this kind of abuse when doing their job. Nobody. I'd threaten the management with a constructive dismissal case. That should focus their minds on whose fault this is.

Maverickess · 05/12/2022 12:40

AndEverWhoKnew · 05/12/2022 12:33

The wedding party didn't deserve it. It wasn't their fault you were understaffed or that for some reason the waiting staff didn't collect empty glasses (which is what usually happens at functions - if there is limited bar staff).
I agree with a PP that it's very surprising they went looking for someone rather than just helping themselves. I feel very sorry for the wedding party. All that planning and money and the reception was ruined.

If you think they deserve continued service when being personally insulting and abusive towards someone then you're as bad as they are.
They didn't deserve the poor staffing of the event, they deserved service being withdrawn after becoming abusive.

Figgygal · 05/12/2022 12:42

Blimey op that was a ballsy move

susan12345678 · 05/12/2022 12:47

agreed, op was very courageous

Nevermind31 · 05/12/2022 12:52

To protect yourself I would put in writing, to management, why you had to leave - you felt unsafe to manage the function on your own die to the level of alcohol, verbal abuse, understaffing, and to protect yourself, had to leave. You left the bar locked up, but no fury manager in sight.

RaRaRaspoutine · 05/12/2022 12:59

Good on you OP. They sound like a delightful (!) bunch of people. I bet their neighbours hate them. Life's too short to take shit, you weren't safe and you got yourself out. Hope you are OK.

krustykittens · 05/12/2022 12:59

Good for you, OP. I don't care how much money people have spent, it doesn't give them the right to abuse staff. My daughter works at a wedding venue, the appalling behaviour from some wedding parties is unbelievable. They have even had people spit at them if they haven't been serving drinks fast enough or if they have cut someone off for being dangerously drunk. You did the right thing and perhaps now, the venue will put proper staffing in place rather than understaffing to make more profit.

londonmummy1966 · 05/12/2022 13:02

BeagleLover1 · 05/12/2022 00:58

All I will say is it’s a Best Western hotel in the Greater Manchester area.

They seem to have form - I was going to ask you if it was a BW in South Wales as that was one of the worst and most understaffed hotels I've stayed in for a long time (and it was also extremely expensive...)

MadeForThis · 05/12/2022 13:07

You did the right thing. Muy you should have text or called the manager to ask them to come in.

Lwren · 05/12/2022 13:14

OP, well done.

If any of my wedding guests where cunty to the hospitality staff I'd have asked them to leave.
I went to a wedding recently and some of my inlaws I'd never met before were disgusting to the staff, so I pulled a waitress walking over, apologised to her, explained I'd never ever met them before and was rmortified but didn't want to create any drama, she really appreciated it my apology and said she was used to twattish behaviour at weddings. Very sad.

Nobody should be treated like shit at work OP, I've walked out of jobs for less.

SkylightSkylight · 05/12/2022 13:21

HappyOnion · 05/12/2022 07:29

This. I feel for you, op, and also for the bride. You should never have been put in that position.

@HappyOnion did you miss the bit where the bride was rude as well?

mardy, mouthy cow with rude guests got what she deserved

Wiluli · 05/12/2022 13:41

Your only fail here was not informing your manager that you were on the receiving end of abuse and you felt threatened . But you are 100% right in walking away

MillyMollyManky · 05/12/2022 13:43

SkylightSkylight · 05/12/2022 13:21

@HappyOnion did you miss the bit where the bride was rude as well?

mardy, mouthy cow with rude guests got what she deserved

No, but the whole thing sounds appalling and I’d have been angry if I were the bride. As the post I agreed with said, I would not have been rude. But it’s fair enough that she was pissed off. 3 staff for 3 functions is a joke.

Obviously it’s not OP’s fault, it is the management’s fault.

Folklore9074 · 05/12/2022 13:43

I’d have walked too. This is 100% on the management team, this is what happens when you treat staff badly.

MillyMollyManky · 05/12/2022 13:43

Oops name change fail!

Mammajay · 05/12/2022 13:44

I say well done you. It might make other hospitality venues realise they can't treat staff like that. Luckily many bosses will be fairer.

FuckConvoGiveMeAForest · 05/12/2022 14:00

Good for you OP fuck the managers and fuck the wedding party, if that's the kind of company they keep they're probably all a bunch of chavs anyway. Try to forget about the whole thing x

Catspyjamas17 · 05/12/2022 14:03

Well done you. Sounds like it was wise to leave while you could as you felt unsafe.

maranella · 05/12/2022 14:04

The managers left at 8pm, just as it was kicking off. Our bars shut at 2am

That right there is the problem. The managers KNEW what the situation was, how many punters were in the building, what had been booked and paid for and they STILL left at 8pm. If they were even remotely responsible they'd have stayed and helped you and the other poor sods who were working to cope with the evening ahead. But they didn't. I don't blame you for leaving.

crosstalk · 05/12/2022 14:17

I'd say you did good OP.

However if I were to book a wedding at a hotel venue in future I'd make damn sure there was a contract for adequate staff and ask for the phone number of the managers due on that evening.

The hotel managers - and the company itself - should be taken over the coals. Two weddings of 200 each and a family party of 70 and only three bar staff? I wonder what the food was like and if they had enough waiters and cooks.

JennieMassie · 05/12/2022 14:20

Agree with the posters saying management probably rely on staff putting up with this sort of rubbish. If mroe staff walked out maybe they'd think twice about deliberately leaving the place short staffed.

Jaxhog · 05/12/2022 14:28

I feel your pain. Many years ago, I bartended a similar-sized wedding in a hotel. The guests were abusive, rude, and very handsy. There were two of us running around like demented rabbits trying to keep up with orders. Not one person tipped us. Not one. I resigned the next day.

Lcb123 · 05/12/2022 14:29

You did the right thing. It may actually be illegal as a licensed venue must have someone on the premises at all times who has done a bar licensing course. And doesn't sound like there was, unless one of the other staff have this.

User478 · 05/12/2022 14:30

Whoever has the alcohol licence has to be contactable even if they aren't in the building. They also need to approve the individual sales of alcohol by an under 18 yr old.

It's an unlimited fine or up to 6 months in prison to break your license terms.

It's also illegal to withhold tips (but the advice is to contact acas)

If the grumpy couple get their wedding reception venue refunded then I would expect they are very happy indeed so I wouldn't worry too much.