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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To have ruined a wedding reception?

377 replies

BeagleLover1 · 05/12/2022 00:29

Took on a weekend part-time bar job, needs must. I’m a single mum to teen DC who are fine to be left and I have a 9-5 in the week, so it made sense.

I’ve been working there 2 months now. It’s a large hotel that has wedding functions. I actually loved it at first, the buzz, having a crack and making conversation with people etc. Some of the other bar staff were similar age to me (late 30s) which was lovely as well.

The last month though, there’s been an influx of people leaving due to terrible working conditions. We are no longer getting tips due to ‘increased bills’, there’s a sexist new supervisor that insults us all in his own language (somebody used a translater on their phone to find out what he was saying to women under his breath all of the time, and it was vile), we aren’t allowed drinks on shift anymore (we used to be allowed to have drinks on draft, now that’s not allowed, we can only have water and the bars don’t even have a bloody sink so we have to leave the bar to walk across the hotel to a water machine, on 12 hour shifts), everybody is too scared to order staff food from the chef on breaks because he is also overworked and has a go at us for ordering food. It’s been awful but I was trying to stick it out.

We are very understaffed. I went in on Saturday, and found out that there were 2 weddings on in 2 different function rooms, and then a family party on in another room. Both weddings 200 people each, the family party 70 people. There were only 3 bar staff in the entire hotel, one for each function. We also have a main bar in the lobby but that was shut due to being understaffed. I had to manage a bar of 200 people completely alone. The managers left at 8pm, just as it was kicking off. Our bars shut at 2am so I knew I was in for it. The bar was always rammed with at least 6 people at any given time. By 11pm I craved the sweet release of death. I was dealing with sexual harassment from several different blokes, and had nobody to back me up. I kept getting shouted at for slow service, constant “For fucks sake love, how long does it take to pour a pint” (whilst I had 5 other drinks orders to do before him), people spending literally 10 minutes arguing about who’s paying for what round whilst other people shouted at me to serve them, people demanding free drinks “Oh I’m the best man don’t I get one?”, being called a “tight cow” for giving £5 in change in coins instead of a note. I couldn’t stand it. People who weren’t even part of the wedding kept wandering in as well angered that the lobby bar was closed, expecting to be served by me.

I than ran out of glasses, they’d all been used and nobody bothered bringing them back to the bar when they came to order again. That meant I had to leave the bar to go and collect some glasses, by the time I got back there were about 20 people at the bar, and I could only carry 8 glasses at a time so that’s all I had. First bloke ordered a beer, I go to pour and find the beer is empty. I announce I need to change the keg and that I’ll be right back, cue them all moaning at me.

I went to the basement to change the beers and then had a panic attack because I knew what I was in for when I got back. Insults and abuse. Then I had an epiphany. “I don’t have to do this. Nobody is forcing me to be here. I’m not their slave.” So I just went to the office to clock out and fucked off home (it was about 11:30pm at this point) where I spent the rest of the evening drinking wine and watching TV. I did feel slightly guilty that my actions my have ruined a wedding reception but then I didn’t care, it’s their own fault for being cunts to me. They weren’t a nice lot at all.

Woke up this morning to an incensed text from my manager. The other 2 bar staff in were too busy to notice my function had no bartender, so nobody covered me. Apparently didn’t take long for the bride and groom to notice they had no bar and they wandered the hotel for the rest of their wedding reception looking for a staff member (they couldn’t access the other 2 functions) to talk to. Eventually the poor girl at front desk got it which I feel awful about, I didn’t consider that. She was unable to serve them as had to be at the front desk, but she dealt with them screaming at her all night. The wedding party are fuming, have all left terrible reviews (I’ve read it and it’s full of personal insults about me) and are demanding a full refund from the hotel which will likely need to be granted. They were that busy trying to sort out the lack of bar they missed most of the dancing and food at their own wedding reception. I feel awful about my colleague at front desk but AIBU to think the wedding party deserved it and to not feel guilty about them. It goes without saying that I no longer have a job there, but it’s a relief. I also feel smug that the sexist supervisor had to clean up after them the next day. That typically would’ve been my job at 3am after the function.

OP posts:
Greenginghamdress · 05/12/2022 18:57

I'm so sorry OP.
I totally understand why you left. It's a shame for the bride and groom but they got most of their day. You shouldn't have to take that sort of abuse from anyone. Totally management's fault they were so under staffed. Hurrendous.
I'm based in Greater Manchester and when I was young I worked in an awful bar, cash in hand, most of us 17-19, no breaks unless you smoked and often working 7am til 3am , cleaning afterwards too. The functions were better than the downstairs bar where the regulars were. There was some bloke who called me an ugly cunt and told me to move my hand up and down the pump one more time 😐 I wish I had walked out.

I hope you are ok.
(Tbh I'm dying to know what hotel is it!)

surreygirl1987 · 05/12/2022 19:16

I'm really impressed by you. Good on you!
Feel bad for the bride and groom, but not your fault . Sounds like management there is terrible.

NumberTheory · 05/12/2022 19:25

The OP wasn't in a position to change anything, it wasn't up to her to speak to the bride and groom and explain anything

I totally disagree with this. She’s running a bar, and from what she describes was the sole service person at this function. Talking to the client, explaining the situation, managing their expectations and adapting (as far as reasonably possible and within whatever policies the employer has) to their needs should most definitely be part of that role.

Notthetoothfairy · 05/12/2022 19:37

Poor OP, it’s a shame you looked at those vile TripAdvisor reviews (FWIW, personal insults like that are against TripAdvisor policy so they would have removed them and are unlikely to reinstate them). Good for you and none of this is your fault Flowers

NoWordForFluffy · 05/12/2022 19:49

NumberTheory · 05/12/2022 19:25

The OP wasn't in a position to change anything, it wasn't up to her to speak to the bride and groom and explain anything

I totally disagree with this. She’s running a bar, and from what she describes was the sole service person at this function. Talking to the client, explaining the situation, managing their expectations and adapting (as far as reasonably possible and within whatever policies the employer has) to their needs should most definitely be part of that role.

You're deluded. 'Adapting to their needs'? Their needs were to be served more quickly and with clean glasses. Short of cloning herself, there were no 'adaptions' she could make. She was overrun from the get go. There was no time to attempt anything else.

I really do wonder what goes through people's heads when they suggest such nonsense. She was bar staff on NMW, on her own, serving 200 people. Not Kofi fucking Annan.

InsomniacVampire · 05/12/2022 20:03

NumberTheory · 05/12/2022 19:25

The OP wasn't in a position to change anything, it wasn't up to her to speak to the bride and groom and explain anything

I totally disagree with this. She’s running a bar, and from what she describes was the sole service person at this function. Talking to the client, explaining the situation, managing their expectations and adapting (as far as reasonably possible and within whatever policies the employer has) to their needs should most definitely be part of that role.

But what could she have said? They saw she was the only person serving 200 people and were abusive before things got difficult. Imagine having a single bouncer at a gig for 1000 people and then telling him he could have managed the crowd better as it's a part of his role. It's not part of any role to sustain constant abuse and having your superiors f off into the sunset and have a nice sleep leaving understaffed place to its own devices.

BeagleLover1 · 05/12/2022 20:07

Minimum wage, minimum effort.

OP posts:
BeagleLover1 · 05/12/2022 20:10

By paying minimum wage they are saying “We’d pay you less if we could” so why would I take on manager responsibilities and continue to stick out a situation in which I was unsafe? I had a realisation, “they can fuck off” and left. I’ve spoken to my teen DC and have told them to do the same, if in a situation like this at work, within reason. I want them to respect themselves.

OP posts:
Newestname002 · 05/12/2022 20:14

@BeagleLover1

I’ve spoken to my teen DC and have told them to do the same, if in a situation like this at work, within reason. I want them to respect themselves.

Good for you. My heart goes, in particular, to that 17yo being left in charge of an event with 70 people. 🌹

Maverickess · 05/12/2022 20:39

NumberTheory · 05/12/2022 19:25

The OP wasn't in a position to change anything, it wasn't up to her to speak to the bride and groom and explain anything

I totally disagree with this. She’s running a bar, and from what she describes was the sole service person at this function. Talking to the client, explaining the situation, managing their expectations and adapting (as far as reasonably possible and within whatever policies the employer has) to their needs should most definitely be part of that role.

Nope.
As a DM that's always my responsibility for a function of that size. And it's not up to staff to do that even when the DM fucks off. That's not their job, they don't have decision making responsibility.

One on one or small groups of customers yes, that's bar staff responsibility, a planned and organised function, no.

And I can tell you that from OPs description, I highly doubt any approach by her (or anyone) would have been even accepted, never mind change anything, because I've had to do it, and then had to call the police to have people removed for getting physical before. There's no 'managing expectations' where so, so many people are concerned, especially around alcohol.

The issue (aside from the appalling management) is the entitled attitude towards alcohol, and the fact we've degraded service jobs by telling people they're not worth anything, paying them a pittance and treating them with contempt and disrespect. And customers are the prime suspects when it comes to all of them except the pay. And then there's all this outcry about shit customer service. But that's another thread all together.

They shouldn't have needed to be spoken to and told to stop abusing another person, they shouldn't have done it in the first place.

Mummyratbag · 05/12/2022 20:44

So they took the money paid for 470 guests plus the bar takings and employed 3 staff for the evening. Tight fisted bastards. You should have followed the manager out at 8pm.

I have worked in hospitality and retail, I'm done with the general public. 95% were lovely, but the other 5 were entitled, hideous bullies who took their fustrations out on people who can't answer back ...This was whilst being paid the square root of fuck all.

BeagleLover1 · 05/12/2022 20:51

You can’t explain things to a group of angry drunk people. It never used to be hotel policy to lock up the bar whilst going to get change/change a keg (due to customers kicking off about it) but due to an incident of unsupervised children raiding bar fridges when the bar was unmanned not longer after I started, it became a rule. On Saturday, when they saw me closing the shutters I got shouted at. Attempts to explain that I was coming back, that I was just changing the keg so I could make their drinks, went unheard and they just jibed that I looked like I was off for a smoke break.

OP posts:
Maverickess · 05/12/2022 21:00

BeagleLover1 · 05/12/2022 20:51

You can’t explain things to a group of angry drunk people. It never used to be hotel policy to lock up the bar whilst going to get change/change a keg (due to customers kicking off about it) but due to an incident of unsupervised children raiding bar fridges when the bar was unmanned not longer after I started, it became a rule. On Saturday, when they saw me closing the shutters I got shouted at. Attempts to explain that I was coming back, that I was just changing the keg so I could make their drinks, went unheard and they just jibed that I looked like I was off for a smoke break.

Exactly, and if spoken to about it, at best it magically becomes 'banter' and the bar staff having no sense of humour and being boring and at worst it invites more aggression, abuse and threats.

Again, for those at the back, it is not reasonable to abuse, disrespect and dish out personal insults when you don't get an alcoholic drink in your hand in a time frame (that is always half an hour, people have always been waiting 'half an hour' haven't they!) You deem suitable.
It is an alcoholic drink, not oxygen.

Witchofthedales · 05/12/2022 21:01

I think you did very well to stick it out for as long as you did to be honest.

GrandTheftWalrus · 05/12/2022 21:09

I wouldn't have lasted that long on my own. And I used to work in a busy bar. I used to be on my own till 9pm on a Fri and Sat night which was hard enough. I wouldn't have coped with a wedding of 200.

Wrinklydinkly · 05/12/2022 21:10

It was self defence, you were being verbally abused and sexually harassed.Im amazed you stuck it out so long. The management are shits, leaving you to deal with a rowdy bunch of twats alone. Hopefully this will be a wake up call for them. You keep your chin up.

daretodenim · 05/12/2022 21:42

The more you say OP, the more I'm reminded of CF threads where you think nobody can top this. I think (hope!!) we'd be hard pressed to find a major chain behaving the way your local branch/franchise of this one is.

Report them all to everybody reports can be made to.

Matildalamp · 05/12/2022 22:43

This is the only time I’ve hoped a thread be picked up by the press! Shame the hotel management!

WhoKnows2346 · 06/12/2022 09:55

No, you didn't ruin their reception. Your manager/employer ruined it by not having enough staff.

KatherineJaneway · 06/12/2022 10:12

Matildalamp · 05/12/2022 22:43

This is the only time I’ve hoped a thread be picked up by the press! Shame the hotel management!

It already has, it's in the Daily Mail

MillyMollyManky · 06/12/2022 10:18

www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-11503211/Bartender-admits-ruined-wedding-quitting.html

Cough, "would of done the same thing". Can't get the subs these days.

Tiggee2001 · 06/12/2022 10:23

YANBU.
I have worked in the hospitality industry for years as a team member and managed, this OP experience is are not just a regular occurrence in my experience but a very real reason I got fed up of the industry.
Ok firstly you lasted longer than I would of done so well done for that. Secondly this is MOSTLY due to bad managers, at the end of the day the manager shwould NEVER of left and gone home WTF!!! or even got you a glass collecter and washed as a minimum. How the he'll can you do that and serve 200 people, unrealistic expectations. Plus the manager they get paid as an F&B manager due to things like this and providing cover. You should never of been left on your own with a party of that siz e which would also be under health and safety. You are better off out of there and finding somewhere where your appreciated for your hard work.

as for the sexist and most likely narstastic supervisor from my experiences a lot of people (NOT EVERYONE) are drawn to this type of work and sadly this personality type is as I have had the delight of having MANY sexist supervisor s and managers and unfortunately mainly got told "he's just bee n one of the lads" which I really hope would be taken more serious since the me to movement However I don't hold my breath.

I would conclude with saying you took as much as you could, you did your best, you had to consider your mental health. If those people were a bit nicer the situation of leaving during the shift and not telling them would of been handled differently I am sure as you have expressed you feel guilty the front of house team member was helped at I think you would of handled it differently if they were a nice bunch of guests I would therefore be tempted to put that Down to karma.

AutumnCrow · 06/12/2022 10:59

Many claimed they would of done the same thing and she was right to leave

In the Daily Mail! Has English changed that much? But how are we to conjugate the verb 'to of', asks one reader in the comments.

I see I'm quoted in the semi-literate article. How thrilling.

TheTartfulLodger · 06/12/2022 12:14

NumberTheory · 05/12/2022 19:25

The OP wasn't in a position to change anything, it wasn't up to her to speak to the bride and groom and explain anything

I totally disagree with this. She’s running a bar, and from what she describes was the sole service person at this function. Talking to the client, explaining the situation, managing their expectations and adapting (as far as reasonably possible and within whatever policies the employer has) to their needs should most definitely be part of that role.

How exactly does one staff member manage the expectations of 200 impatient customers all wanting service at the same time? Perhaps you'd like to get behind the bar alone at the next 200 guest wedding party and show us what we are missing?

JudgeJ · 06/12/2022 12:25

BeagleLover1 · 05/12/2022 00:58

All I will say is it’s a Best Western hotel in the Greater Manchester area.

A6????