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Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Mum's boyfriend kicking her out of their home after 24 years

383 replies

heathspeedwell · 04/12/2022 19:44

Just found out that my mum's partner has sold their house and is kicking her out. She doesn't know yet.

They aren't married but she invested £25k into their first home, which they bought for £125k. Her name has never been on the deeds.

They have moved house four times and their current home is worth maybe £800k. She's done loads of DIY and they have also had lodgers that she has done the work for. She paid £30k for the kitchen last year.

My mum's boyfriend's son (whom I have thought of as a stepbrother) has said that his dad plans to give my mum back the £25k from their first house. We are both shocked that his dad is being so mean.

Although they are not married I can't believe that he can get away with just giving her the £25k. If she can prove she bought the kitchen does that give her any rights at all?

Hoping that someone can give me advice on what my mum should do. Is it better if she stays in the house until they reach a fair settlement or is she better to get away as soon as possible?

OP posts:
CallieG · 05/12/2022 20:22

Your mum needs to go straight to a lawyer. She should Absolutely NOT move out until a fair settlement is made. Don’t let her allow herself to be bullied into giving up what is rightfully hers. Tell her to get ALL the receipts for things she paid for & bank statements showing where the money came from.

Shitfather · 05/12/2022 22:07

Twopeasinthesamepod · 05/12/2022 18:30

What an awful situation. This will be very easy for a lawyer to unravel and resolve.

Don’t be so bloody ridiculous…

Shitfather · 05/12/2022 22:08

Dixiechickonhols · 05/12/2022 18:47

It won’t be easy for a lawyer to resolve. Claiming a beneficial interest isn’t straightforward and requires detailed evidence. It will cost a lot in legal fees (Solicitor and barrister) as it’s a complex area and potentially go to mediation or court. Not dissuading her from getting proper advice, she definitely should but it’s not a quick easy solution.

Spot on.

AnotherEmma · 05/12/2022 22:20

I'm sorry OP but your mother has been very foolish indeed. She has effectively given tens of thousands of pounds to her boyfriend and his children; money that she could and should have invested and protected for her own benefit (future housing/care costs) and if not for herself then for her own children.

As everyone has said, she needs to seek legal advice ASAP and ask about beneficial interest. If she wants free advice in the first instance, she could contact Citizens Advice, but they will just give information and signpost to solicitors. As a starting point, there is a useful guide here www.advicenow.org.uk/guides/survival-guide-living-together-and-breaking

AnotherEmma · 05/12/2022 22:26

Relevant section from the link in my previous post:

If you’ve been living in a home your ex owns in just their name and there's no other agreement or understanding in place, you will have no automatic right to stay if your ex asks you to leave. However he or she should give you reasonable notice.

If you’ve been living in a home your ex owns, you don’t have an automatic right to a share in the value of it known as the ‘equity’. Nor can you ask for a share to be transferred as you would do if you were married or in a civil partnership.

You’re not entitled to any equity from the property – unless you can show that:
you both intended for you to own a share and,
because of that agreement you did something to your own detriment (such as gave up work or a job opportunity or a council tenancy) or,
you contributed to the purchase price, the mortgage payments, or major building work to the property.

Non-financial contributions, such as doing building work yourself to improve the property, can also count in some circumstances. (If you have children together then you may be able to apply for a 'settlement' of property order for the benefit of the children – see Children above.)

How the law treats any money you contributed to the home you lived in but don’t own depends on:
what you and your ex agreed or understood between you, or
how the court looks at what you said, or did, to work out how you both understood the situation.
For example, was it a loan – to be repaid at an agreed date with or without interest as agreed? Was it a gift? Or was it a contribution which gives you a legal right called a beneficial interest? Again, if you made a living together agreement, now’s the time to find it and remind yourselves what you agreed to – hopefully you will have covered this issue.

The easiest way to prove you have a beneficial interest is if you have something in writing or a formal trust deed with your partner setting out who should get what when the home is sold. Without this kind of evidence proving what your intentions were, the law looks for other evidence about what understanding (if any) existed between the two of you. This involves considering questions such as:

What did you agree about the beneficial ownership of the property?

Were you promised a share of the property?

Did that promise or understanding mean that you acted to your detriment in some way, for instance gave up your job or left your own home in order to live with your ex?

Who contributed to the purchase of the property?

Who paid the mortgage?

Who carried out improvements to the property?
If you can prove that you have a beneficial interest (and this is often very difficult to do), this may allow you to:

to get the right to live in the home,

prevent the sale of the home for a limited period of time,

pay the mortgage to stop the home from being repossessed or,

get a share from the proceeds of sale if the home is sold.

If you are not married or in a civil partnership and don’t own the home you shared with your ex either jointly or in just your name, this is the only way to establish long-term rights to the home and a share of the proceeds of sale. The law about this is complex and you will need legal advice about whether and how to take action. This type of case isn’t treated as a family case - it is dealt with by the normal civil court. The court will order you to pay your ex’s legal costs if you lose. You may hear lawyers call these cases ‘TOLATA cases’ after the law that governs them - the Trusts of Land and Appointment of Trustees Act 1996.

Seeingadistance · 05/12/2022 23:55

Dixiechickonhols · 05/12/2022 18:22

natcen.ac.uk/news-media/press-releases/2019/january/almost-half-of-us-mistakenly-believe-that-common-law-marriage-exists/

Almost half of people believe common law marriage. It’s not just a few uneducated people.
Week in week out there’s a post on mumsnet of somebody in a mess due to living as a couple without paperwork in place.

It's actually not so very surprising when you consider that the state can and does treat unmarried couples as if they were married. HMRC and the DWP, for tax and benefit reasons respectively, define a couple both as those who are married or in a civil partnership and also as "two people who are not married to, or civil partners of, each other but are living together as if they were a married couple or civil partners."

So if you, or people you know, have been treated by the government as if they were married even though they weren't, is it any wonder that people believe that unmarried couples do have certain rights?! Problem is, the state only treats unmarried couples as if they are married when it benefits the state, not the other way around.

Helen1224 · 06/12/2022 06:17

Hope you can talk your mum round to seeking advice, maybe look online for the house being advertised for sale?

In the meantime, I've come across this on a solicitors website, hope it helps

What can I do if my name isn’t on the mortgage?
In a nutshell, the rights you have to your home largely depend on whether you’re married, in a civil partnership or not.

I’m married or in a civil partnership – what are my rights over the house?
If you’re married or in a civil partnership but your husband or wife owns the house, it’s good news: You’ll probably have more rights to your home than you might think.

Even if the house deposit, mortgage, and repayments are all under your ex-partner’s name, because it’s your matrimonial home, the law assumes that you both share this asset. So, your home should be split between you and your former partner once you separate.

Some couples can agree on how to split the house themselves. But if you can’t agree, you can try mediation, negotiation with a Family Law Solicitor or as a last resort, let the courts decide for you

TheaBrandt · 06/12/2022 06:42

I hope those unformed posters earlier in the thread ranting away that the mother definitely has “zero” rights despite solicitors explaining that she might read the above few posts. This is a complex area of law it’s vital the lady takes proper legal advice about her own circumstances.

Zone2NorthLondon · 06/12/2022 09:13

Helen1224 · 06/12/2022 06:17

Hope you can talk your mum round to seeking advice, maybe look online for the house being advertised for sale?

In the meantime, I've come across this on a solicitors website, hope it helps

What can I do if my name isn’t on the mortgage?
In a nutshell, the rights you have to your home largely depend on whether you’re married, in a civil partnership or not.

I’m married or in a civil partnership – what are my rights over the house?
If you’re married or in a civil partnership but your husband or wife owns the house, it’s good news: You’ll probably have more rights to your home than you might think.

Even if the house deposit, mortgage, and repayments are all under your ex-partner’s name, because it’s your matrimonial home, the law assumes that you both share this asset. So, your home should be split between you and your former partner once you separate.

Some couples can agree on how to split the house themselves. But if you can’t agree, you can try mediation, negotiation with a Family Law Solicitor or as a last resort, let the courts decide for you

Op mum is not married and not in a civil partnership. Cohabitation but not civil partners
Your website information relates to civil partnership and marriage. Op mum had no such arrangement
Agree , The mum needs legal advice. It’s a complex area

AnotherEmma · 06/12/2022 09:24

Helen1224 · 06/12/2022 06:17

Hope you can talk your mum round to seeking advice, maybe look online for the house being advertised for sale?

In the meantime, I've come across this on a solicitors website, hope it helps

What can I do if my name isn’t on the mortgage?
In a nutshell, the rights you have to your home largely depend on whether you’re married, in a civil partnership or not.

I’m married or in a civil partnership – what are my rights over the house?
If you’re married or in a civil partnership but your husband or wife owns the house, it’s good news: You’ll probably have more rights to your home than you might think.

Even if the house deposit, mortgage, and repayments are all under your ex-partner’s name, because it’s your matrimonial home, the law assumes that you both share this asset. So, your home should be split between you and your former partner once you separate.

Some couples can agree on how to split the house themselves. But if you can’t agree, you can try mediation, negotiation with a Family Law Solicitor or as a last resort, let the courts decide for you

This is completely irrelevant because they're not married.

Zone2NorthLondon · 06/12/2022 09:28

TheaBrandt · 06/12/2022 06:42

I hope those unformed posters earlier in the thread ranting away that the mother definitely has “zero” rights despite solicitors explaining that she might read the above few posts. This is a complex area of law it’s vital the lady takes proper legal advice about her own circumstances.

Well certainly @Helen1224 above post is irrelevant as OP mum is unmarried and not in civil partnership. Posting random information that’s not applicable doesn’t add anything.

Dixiechickonhols · 06/12/2022 10:06

I suspect poster above confusing civil partnership with living together as partners. Civil partnership for opposite sex couples is pretty new and other than a bit of publicity for first couple and Allistair Campbell when he opted for it it’s not really well known or in press.
Hope all goes well today Op and your mum at least agrees to get some specialist legal advice.

heathspeedwell · 06/12/2022 14:04

I could cry with happiness. When I spoke to my mum yesterday I honestly thought that she was just going to let her ex walk all over her. But we had a great talk over lunch and now that it has sunk in a little, she's finding her anger and is going to speak to a solicitor tomorrow.

Thank you so much to each and every person who has taken the time to offer your unique perspectives, it has been incredibly helpful. I know there's still a big battle ahead but I think I will actually get some sleep tonight knowing that he wont get away with treating her so badly.

OP posts:
LadyEloise1 · 06/12/2022 15:14

That's great news @heathspeedwell.
Best of luck to you both.
4 marriages would have been a red flag for me.
Be careful of his children. They may be the main beneficiaries.

Shitfather · 06/12/2022 15:36

That’s a really positive update!!
Please do reach out if you need any advice or want to learn from my experience having been through this. Best of luck to your mother.

Please remember that costs can escalate very quickly. I suggest you have initial calls with 3-4 solicitors to assess the quality of their advice and get different opinions. I did this and I knew straight away the one I chose would do a brilliant job. Choose someone who has a sense of humanity and won’t see this as another job. It’s immensely stressful and I couldn’t have got through it without the kindness my legal team showed me. I’d also say your mum needs to be very vocal and engaged in the process with the lawyers.

EmmaAgain22 · 06/12/2022 16:06

Should your mum speak to Citizens' Advice first maybe?

heathspeedwell · 06/12/2022 16:18

@LadyEloise1 that's wise advice. It's horrible to think that they may not be acting in her best interest, but I will be cautious and ask her to be careful not to confide in them.

I've looked for their house on Rightmove and can't see it, but will do a bit more digging. Hopefully the sale prices of their old houses will be on Zoopla.

OP posts:
Shitfather · 06/12/2022 16:30

Check PurpleBricks too as those won’t appear on RM or Zoopla.

Shitfather · 06/12/2022 16:33

Also, once you’ve tracked down the agent, you must let them know that they will not get vacant possession as you are seeking beneficial interest. If you engage a solicitor, they can write to the agent and say property is the subject of a legal dispute. The agent must disclose this to any potential buyer as it could make a material difference to a purchaser’s decision. People tend not to want properties without vacant possession.

nettie434 · 06/12/2022 16:43

Really glad to read your update heathspeedwell. Your mum has already shown how resourceful and determined she is by doing up all those houses and running the AirBnB. She can do this!

Dixiechickonhols · 06/12/2022 18:17

Good she’s agreed to get advice it’s the first step. Agree don’t share info with him or his ch.

If you haven’t got a personal recommendation the law society has a find a solicitor by specialism search. You need advice from someone who specialises in TOLATA claims.

WhistPie · 06/12/2022 19:06

heathspeedwell · 06/12/2022 16:18

@LadyEloise1 that's wise advice. It's horrible to think that they may not be acting in her best interest, but I will be cautious and ask her to be careful not to confide in them.

I've looked for their house on Rightmove and can't see it, but will do a bit more digging. Hopefully the sale prices of their old houses will be on Zoopla.

Sale prices of all houses since the mid 90s are on nethouseprices.com

LeilaRose777 · 06/12/2022 21:39

OP if you're looking for information about the house being sold, it won't be on nethouseprices for a while. Best way to find it (assuming it hasn't been sold privately) is to search all the big sites like onthemarket.com, rightmove and purple bricks. Somewhere on each site will be something which you tick to show "under offer" or "recently sold". Also, from what I remember, when a house is offered for sale, you are legally obliged to let the agent and the buyer know if any other adult is living there, and they have to sign the form to say that they have no right/interest in the property.
Tbh I think that your partner's son is actually softening you up, and seeing how things lie.
I think it would be difficult/impossible for the house to be sold with viewings and so on.

WhistPie · 06/12/2022 23:01

LeilaRose777 · 06/12/2022 21:39

OP if you're looking for information about the house being sold, it won't be on nethouseprices for a while. Best way to find it (assuming it hasn't been sold privately) is to search all the big sites like onthemarket.com, rightmove and purple bricks. Somewhere on each site will be something which you tick to show "under offer" or "recently sold". Also, from what I remember, when a house is offered for sale, you are legally obliged to let the agent and the buyer know if any other adult is living there, and they have to sign the form to say that they have no right/interest in the property.
Tbh I think that your partner's son is actually softening you up, and seeing how things lie.
I think it would be difficult/impossible for the house to be sold with viewings and so on.

The prices of all their old houses will be on nethouseprices though!

heathspeedwell · 07/12/2022 17:34

Thanks everyone for the tips. I still haven't found any evidence of the sale so I don't know if he's lying about the house already being sold to try to make her move out, or if he's done a private sale. My mum comes and stays at mine once a week so he could have sneakily been doing viewings on that day. Just found out she also paid thousands for a new boiler for their current house.

I hope I haven't made her sound daft, she's a very bright woman but very trusting and she sees the good in everyone.

OP posts: