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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My mum keeps accidentally calling herself mum

182 replies

twinmum2022 · 04/12/2022 15:21

Right, I do have a weird history with my mum so don't know if I'm being over sensitive.

But... when she's talking to my babies she quite often accidentally refers to herself as "mum".

For example, "aah come and see mummy" when she picks them up or "ohh shall mummy do it" when they drop their dummy ect.

She does correct herself but it really annoys me. Throw in a bunch of comments about what she'd rather they wear and constantly taking the pram away and I'm getting a bit fed up...

Am I being sensitive, are these just normal grandparent things we all suck up?

OP posts:
RichardOsmansXraySpecs · 04/12/2022 15:24

No that’s not normal. Tell her to stop doing it. Every. Single. Time.

coconutpie · 04/12/2022 15:25

No, that is not normal. Correct her every single time, she is majorly overstepping boundaries there. She's doing it on purpose.

camdenn · 04/12/2022 15:25

You need to call her out, why haven’t you?

Proneu82 · 04/12/2022 15:26

Right, I do have a weird history with my mum

no need to have told us. Patently clear from your thread that this isn’t a necessarily healthy and positive mum daughter relationship.

Do you spend lots of time with her? If so, don’t

camdenn · 04/12/2022 15:26

How old are your kids?

I would say “silly grandma, she’s not your mum is she Charlie?”

lookersnoopy · 04/12/2022 15:28

Why have you not spoken to her about it?

PotteringAlonggotkickedoutandhadtoreregister · 04/12/2022 15:28

My mum has done this once, in 5 grandchildren. It was one of the middle ones (I confess I can’t remember which one!) and she corrected herself immediately.

it’s not normal to do it repeatedly, at all

BatshitBanshee · 04/12/2022 15:31

That is not normal behaviour whatsoever. Correct her every time, even if she "corrects" herself.

And a "I'm the parent, I make the decisions" every time she tries to say what she prefers they wear.

Topseyt123 · 04/12/2022 15:31

Not normal. My parents and my PILs always called themselves Grandma or Grandad to any of their grandchildren. Call her out on it and point out that you are their Mum, not her.

As for taking the pram off you, take it firmly back if you don't want her pushing it and tell her that you are fine to push it for now, you'll ask for help as and when/if you need to.

Original poster
twinmum2022 · 04/12/2022 15:32

Haven't spoken to her about it yet as didn't know if I was being sensitive, she usually takes things like this quite personally so wanted to make sure it was worth saying something.

My children are 4 months old and the only and first grandchildren most likely.

We didn't spend a huge amount of time together; we're quite different so never had like "mother/daughter" time really, I see her more now because I think she's keen to see the babies.

I'll say something next time it happens.

OP posts:
cptartapp · 04/12/2022 15:32

Too involved.

glasshole · 04/12/2022 15:32

To be honest when I very first became a nan I often accidentally called myself mum with a very quick correction, and my DH often referred to me as mum when talking to the DGS as it was just so brand new and we are still raising kids ourselves. It felt so alien for to call myself nan after 24 years of solid parenting. It took us 2-3 months to get into the swing of it 100% properly. Thankfully my daughter was very understanding. But if you are going to say your eldest kiddo is 3 and you have a baby and she is STILL doing it then absolutely YANBU.

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 04/12/2022 15:33

Probably just remembering back when she was a mum of a young baby.

Topseyt123 · 04/12/2022 15:33

Also, tell her bluntly that what your child will wear is YOUR decision, not hers unless she is looking after them overnight etc.

Original poster
twinmum2022 · 04/12/2022 15:34

glasshole · 04/12/2022 15:32

To be honest when I very first became a nan I often accidentally called myself mum with a very quick correction, and my DH often referred to me as mum when talking to the DGS as it was just so brand new and we are still raising kids ourselves. It felt so alien for to call myself nan after 24 years of solid parenting. It took us 2-3 months to get into the swing of it 100% properly. Thankfully my daughter was very understanding. But if you are going to say your eldest kiddo is 3 and you have a baby and she is STILL doing it then absolutely YANBU.

This is partly what I was thinking, it is all very new to her and although we personally have a bit of a strained relationship I don't think she's doing it to purposely annoy me, but it equally does annoy me so I'll gently say something when she does it and hopefully that'll do the trick.

OP posts:
Proneu82 · 04/12/2022 15:36

If you have a very strained relationship

why subject yourself to it regularly?

WoolyMammoth55 · 04/12/2022 15:36

OP I have this with my MIL... Incredibly annoying!

But I just smile and only bother correcting her if the kids have heard and are confused. x

Sprouttreesareamazing · 04/12/2022 15:37

I had a dgc 18 months after a dc!! In the same breath had to use dgm and dm at times! Never referred to myself as dm to dgc though!.. Your dm is being too familiar with your dc as a total contradiction to your actual relationship... After a long period of nc with my dm she overstepped with my dc. Never used dm though. Def would have called her out on it if she had.

Lkydfju · 04/12/2022 15:37

My mum often calls my DD by my name and does this; I think she just slips back into that role and in some ways I like what I hope is an insight into how shr was with me as a baby

arthurfonzerelli · 04/12/2022 15:40

Don't think my mum has referred to herself as mum, but she loves spending time with them, particularly when they are babies and I think when out and about she does kind of pretend to herself she's their mum. And if they accidentally call her mum she loves it.

I can kind of understand it. It's hard work being a mum. As a gran you get all the good bits without the exhaustion and stress. I think it's easier to enjoy it and really immerse yourself in it.

camdenn · 04/12/2022 15:42

I think you have 2 feasible options:

  1. distance yourself from her to protect your mental health. You’ve said there’s a history there and maybe this relationship just isn’t beneficial for you at the current visitation level. seeing her less may mean an easier life
  2. Confront her to allow everyone to keep seeing each other and to give her a chance to respect your boundaries
TimeToFlyNow · 04/12/2022 15:42

It's weird, presumably no ones called her mummy for a long time

I've stopped myself from saying mum once before but my youngest were 4 and 6 when my first dgd came along

I once referred to her as he as well after having 4 boys myself

JFDIYOLO · 04/12/2022 15:44

My great grandmother, grandparents and great aunts would often call me by my mother's name when I was a child. It mystified and exasperated me. Now I hear myself accidently calling my great niece by my niece's name. And I get it now. Time does strange things as the generations blur and memory gets overloaded.

Bewitched005 · 04/12/2022 15:46

It's not normal. Not at all. Occasionally my granddaughter absent mindedly calls me mummy but that's all. Tell her to stop. She isn't your daughter's mum.

Chuntypops · 04/12/2022 15:48

It’s weird. And I think she’s probably got a history with you of odd boundaries.

And This isn’t the same as aunts and grannies firing through a succession of names - I sometimes call my little nephew by my brother’s name, by accident of course, and he is the image of him too.

But to use the wrong title, about oneself, is off.

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