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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My mum keeps accidentally calling herself mum

182 replies

twinmum2022 · 04/12/2022 15:21

Right, I do have a weird history with my mum so don't know if I'm being over sensitive.

But... when she's talking to my babies she quite often accidentally refers to herself as "mum".

For example, "aah come and see mummy" when she picks them up or "ohh shall mummy do it" when they drop their dummy ect.

She does correct herself but it really annoys me. Throw in a bunch of comments about what she'd rather they wear and constantly taking the pram away and I'm getting a bit fed up...

Am I being sensitive, are these just normal grandparent things we all suck up?

OP posts:
IDontWantToBeAPie · 04/12/2022 15:49

My sister has a nine month old and our mother sometimes does this. It irritates us both too. I manage to never do it. I'm Auntie X, he's my little Godbaby or Nephew. I do call him my sweetheart, baby, darling etc but I never say I'm mummy!

Annoying. And rude but I dont think they mean to erase you. I'd just talk to her and say it's irritating you.

QueenBeex · 04/12/2022 15:51

Sounds like my mum! So annoying, genuinely upset me so much so that I distanced us from her for a good few months.

GarlicCrackers · 04/12/2022 15:55

Could be worse, my mum goes through all my siblings, my son AND the dogs before she gets to my name.

But yes, it's odd - declare your boundaries, request she sticks to them and if she doesn't make sure you follow up with consequences.

LemonPledge555 · 04/12/2022 15:59

My dad calls my DD (6) “my little girl” and it makes me heave

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 04/12/2022 16:02

LemonPledge555 · 04/12/2022 15:59

My dad calls my DD (6) “my little girl” and it makes me heave

Presumably there's a huge back story as that's a strong reaction to a sweet name.

WilsonMilson · 04/12/2022 16:04

My mum has never done this, so no it’s not normal imho.

She has referred to ds as my name, loads of times, and still occasionally does which is hilarious as he’s over 6 feet tall and a teenage boy!!

I’d call her out on it every single time. I wouldn’t let her off with it and if it persists or she crosses other boundaries I will limit your contact and make it clear why you are doing so.

WilsonMilson · 04/12/2022 16:06

WilsonMilson · 04/12/2022 16:04

My mum has never done this, so no it’s not normal imho.

She has referred to ds as my name, loads of times, and still occasionally does which is hilarious as he’s over 6 feet tall and a teenage boy!!

I’d call her out on it every single time. I wouldn’t let her off with it and if it persists or she crosses other boundaries I will limit your contact and make it clear why you are doing so.

I would limit your contact.
I really should proof read my ramblings!

Scotabroad24 · 04/12/2022 16:06

Definitely YANBU.
Its so disrespectful. My mum does similar, always points out that my ds (who is speech delayed) calls her mummy. He doesnt, we are a bilingual family and the word for mum is similar to how we refer to her as grandmother in English. But she seems to get a kick out of it and it winds me up no end.

Boooooot · 04/12/2022 16:07

My dad does this all the time but he has young children (younger than mine) so he’s used to calling himself daddy. If it’s just a slip of the tongue I’m not sure why it bothers people so much

7eleven · 04/12/2022 16:08

I do it very occasionally and the toddler has occasionally called me mummy. I’d be mortified I’d it happened in front of my daughter though (toddler’s mum).

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 04/12/2022 16:12

Kids do it all the time at school to their teachers and call them mum,it's just a slip of the tongue.

splatfrog · 04/12/2022 16:13

RichardOsmansXraySpecs · 04/12/2022 15:24

No that’s not normal. Tell her to stop doing it. Every. Single. Time.

This. Your dm is being fucking weird.

Dinosaurpoopy · 04/12/2022 16:14

My MIL has done this a few times, but I assume it's a total habit from the last time she was around a baby!

Peedoffo · 04/12/2022 16:16

Is this the first grandchild? First time grandparents can go a bit batshit. It passes..

IAmTi · 04/12/2022 16:17

PotteringAlonggotkickedoutandhadtoreregister · 04/12/2022 15:28

My mum has done this once, in 5 grandchildren. It was one of the middle ones (I confess I can’t remember which one!) and she corrected herself immediately.

it’s not normal to do it repeatedly, at all

This.

Soothsayer1 · 04/12/2022 16:19

she thinks you're just a clueless silly girl and she is the real mummy
you should loudly mock her every time she does it

wildseas · 04/12/2022 16:19

My parents used to do this too a bit when mine were young. I felt like it was accidental in the moment but it came from a place of control - they believed they were in charge and so mummy felt natural. We also had issues with control and decision making (and like you i limit contact a bit anyway)

It stopped completely the day that one of the children corrected them quite firmly, so possibly not as accidental as I thought!

NewNovember · 04/12/2022 16:21

LemonPledge555 · 04/12/2022 15:59

My dad calls my DD (6) “my little girl” and it makes me heave

@LemonPledge555 how nasty of you , as a grandad that's exactly what she is.

NoelNoNoel · 04/12/2022 16:22

It’s probably accidental.
It could be the start of dementia, my mum calls me mum!

Ihatethenewlook · 04/12/2022 16:24

glasshole · 04/12/2022 15:32

To be honest when I very first became a nan I often accidentally called myself mum with a very quick correction, and my DH often referred to me as mum when talking to the DGS as it was just so brand new and we are still raising kids ourselves. It felt so alien for to call myself nan after 24 years of solid parenting. It took us 2-3 months to get into the swing of it 100% properly. Thankfully my daughter was very understanding. But if you are going to say your eldest kiddo is 3 and you have a baby and she is STILL doing it then absolutely YANBU.

This is what I was thinking. She’s literally immediately correcting herself every time she slips up. There may be other issues, but this sounds like a genuine mistake. I got in trouble for repeatedly calling my brothers wife by my exes name, even after a couple years. Problem was he was with his ex before I was even born and they split up when I was in my 20’s, I didn’t mean to be rude but I’d open my mouth and the wrong name would come out. I just avoid her name altogether now 🫣

Ihatethenewlook · 04/12/2022 16:25

His exes obviously 🙄

speakout · 04/12/2022 16:30

My mother does this too.
I hear her on the phone teeling friends what her daughter has done ( it's my daughter, her grandaughter)
I have pointed out the fact that she is in fact not my daughter's mother, but she laughs- she thinks it is funny.

BCxx · 04/12/2022 16:31

My mum still refers to my dad as ‘dad’ as if I’m 5 and I’m in my 30s! It really bugs me and I correct her every time, it makes me feel sick 🙈 She’s accidentally done this with my child too and said ‘mum will do it’ 😩

TheYearOfSmallThings · 04/12/2022 16:33

My mum did this a good handful of times when DS was a toddler. She is not a weirdo at all, she was just absentmindedly fielding toddler chat.

Soothsayer1 · 04/12/2022 16:33

I have pointed out the fact that she is in fact not my daughter's mother, but she laughs- she thinks it is funny
All you need to do it start 'accidentally' calling her something that she finds offensive, and then laugh it off every time