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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My mum keeps accidentally calling herself mum

182 replies

twinmum2022 · 04/12/2022 15:21

Right, I do have a weird history with my mum so don't know if I'm being over sensitive.

But... when she's talking to my babies she quite often accidentally refers to herself as "mum".

For example, "aah come and see mummy" when she picks them up or "ohh shall mummy do it" when they drop their dummy ect.

She does correct herself but it really annoys me. Throw in a bunch of comments about what she'd rather they wear and constantly taking the pram away and I'm getting a bit fed up...

Am I being sensitive, are these just normal grandparent things we all suck up?

OP posts:
speakout · 05/12/2022 08:11

Fraaahnces you have my sympathies- I hope you have found healing.
I have never allowed my mother to babysit or be alone in the house with my children.

YNK · 05/12/2022 08:24

Why are so many mummy-egos so very fragile?

Is this a challenge to parental authority or 'ownership' of the child?
No!
The fact is that we are speculating on the motives of someone only the OP knows.

What about role modelling assertive behaviour for the children who will require those skills to navigate their own relationships in the future? Are they to learn that any challenge to their authority is to be dealt with by ending all interaction? Surely there is so much more we can offer the children in terms of relationship skills?

speakout · 05/12/2022 08:29

YNK but there is a disparity.
Absolutely no one owns children, and we should teach children boundaries, healthy esteem and assertive behaviour- but what 4 year old has the skills to stand up to a grandparent who is exerting mind games?

LovelyDaaling · 05/12/2022 08:36

It's not accidental, she knows exactly what she's saying. Correct her every time. If she's sensitive and defensive, say you are sensitive too. She doesn't have a monopoly on sensitivity!

As for her wanting to dictate the clothes baby wears, point out that she had her time when you were a baby. It's your turn now.

And pushing the pram - 'No, Mum, I am doing it'.

Asserting yourself is the only way you will change this. If she sulks for a while, so be it. Don't let her guilt trip you, she is in the wrong, not you.

YNK · 05/12/2022 09:13

antipodeancanary · 04/12/2022 17:14

Seriously have you people never dealt with elderly people before? Our ability to think on the hop declines from the age of 20. Bloody 20! Presumably your Mum is much older than this. And the thing that persists the best is the emotion in relationships, not the vocabulary. So my mother in law calls all beloved younger men John (after her only son) To all children and young people she calls herself Mum (and then on a good day changes it to whatever is appropriate)
All of us have word finding difficulties by the time we are middle aged. All of us. But go ahead, tell her off, that will make everyone feel better I'm sure. Or you could work on your own resilience and self esteem so that this perceived slight doesn't undermine you.
Also why on earth do you care about her clothing preferences? She is absolutely entitled to prefer them in purple/ a lace bonnet /a trench coat. And she is entitled to say it. And you can ignore it or comment on it, but if you actually care about it and feel criticised by it then, again ...self esteem and resilience.

THIS!

Role model resilience and self esteem for your children.

YNK · 05/12/2022 09:17

speakout · 05/12/2022 08:29

YNK but there is a disparity.
Absolutely no one owns children, and we should teach children boundaries, healthy esteem and assertive behaviour- but what 4 year old has the skills to stand up to a grandparent who is exerting mind games?

Are we to be privy to your insight into this woman?
How do you know her motives are so dastardly?

speakout · 05/12/2022 10:41

YNK · 05/12/2022 09:17

Are we to be privy to your insight into this woman?
How do you know her motives are so dastardly?

Show quote history

I don't know the OP's mother no- but I know my own mother, and not a stretch to imagine otjer grandparents may be similar.

MrsSkylerWhite · 05/12/2022 10:42

No, not normal. Is she otherwise forgetful?

pollymere · 05/12/2022 18:03

My MIL wanted to be known as Mom to our little one. Not impressed. We just kept referring to her as Grandma. The kid will end up using the term you teach them and probably correct her with a "No, that's Mummy. You are silly Grandma!" type comment. Tell your Mum this isn't ok and makes you uncomfortable.

HighlandsMum · 05/12/2022 18:09

I haven’t RTFT, but is she quite elderly? If she is it might just be due to her age she’s a bit forgetful. My Mum did this once when my eldest was born, just because she wasn’t used to being Nan. But if you’re uncomfortable and you think there are some ulterior motives to her behaviour I’d raise it.

MarthaMC · 05/12/2022 18:12

Allow me to share the next level of ick; I'm currently pregnant and my (late 60s) mum has twice now referred to herself as being pregnant, including asking my dad to bring extra snacks for his 'pregnant wife' aka her. When I challenged it she said it feels like she's pregnant too because we're talking about it 🤢 oh and my parents also still refer to each other as mummy and daddy. I haven't called them that since I was about 4yrs old. As for how I should raise/dress baby when he arrives the instructions are non-stop. I'm dreading it!

Grrrrdarling · 05/12/2022 18:16

twinmum2022 · 04/12/2022 15:21

Right, I do have a weird history with my mum so don't know if I'm being over sensitive.

But... when she's talking to my babies she quite often accidentally refers to herself as "mum".

For example, "aah come and see mummy" when she picks them up or "ohh shall mummy do it" when they drop their dummy ect.

She does correct herself but it really annoys me. Throw in a bunch of comments about what she'd rather they wear and constantly taking the pram away and I'm getting a bit fed up...

Am I being sensitive, are these just normal grandparent things we all suck up?

Tell her to pick a name & stick with it. She can choose anything other than one that refers to her as the giver of birth to that child.
Also she can choose to keep her comments to herself but chooses not to do don’t pull your munches either.
Of she gets upset about you having a go at her remind her of how she is with you & that it hurts you too.

Suffrajitsu · 05/12/2022 18:22

StrawberryWater · 04/12/2022 17:04

Your mum is way passed the stage where she would “accidentally” call herself mum/mummy. Your baby’s are 4 months old, not 4 days. Tell her to pack it in. Creepy woman. She can either be gran/Nan or the woman you never see.

Is she way past that stage, necessarily? Some grandmothers have young children themselves. What is the situation there, OP?

Wimin123 · 05/12/2022 18:25

I do this too with my granddaughter- not on purpose. I think you are right she reminds me so much of my daughter at that age 😊Sometimes my granddaughter accidentally calls me mummy and I always correct her..

GettingStuffed · 05/12/2022 18:26

I do this with my grandson and be sometimes calls me mummy before we correct ourselves. For context I call everyone by the wrong names at times it seen as my little quirk, my gran was the same.

Karenaki · 05/12/2022 18:52

Personally I think it is an accident. If it goes on for a long time then maybe mention but hopefully she’ll get used to it soon. When my twins were born, I referred to myself as ‘Auntie xxx’ when talking to them. I’d been an aunt for years and was a habit!

Lalahmama3BB · 05/12/2022 18:53

No, not normal. Tell her to stop. It’s undermining you as their mum and must be confusing for little ones.

Fallingwhere · 05/12/2022 18:55

Omg my mom does the same thing! My baby is the first born grandchild. So everytime she called herself mummy I just assume it is because she has been mum for so long calling herself grandma doesn't come naturally to her.

My mom is so extra with my baby. It annoys me so much too.. from constantly wrapping him up in blanket and telling me he needs to eat every 10 mins.. to panicking and picking up my baby while I was in middle of changing his nappy because he was hysterically crying.
I didn't have the best relationship with my mother and things she does really triggers me easily. I just limit the time I am around her and my baby as well as time she visits us.

DayswithDaisy8 · 05/12/2022 18:55

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littlemisskt · 05/12/2022 19:00

I accidentally to this with my nephew - I will say ‘come to mummy’ rather than Auntie Katie, purely because I’m used to doing that with my own children as they are only a few years old. I think I’d find it a little odd for sometime who hasn’t been mummy for a long time though.

Ticktockwoof · 05/12/2022 19:09

My dippy DM and equally dippy MIL do this all the time. But I also get called the dog’s name/my sister’s name/their sister’s name on a regular basis so I don’t think it’s sinister!

Mandyjack · 05/12/2022 19:18

Don't recall either of my daughters grandmother's doing it. To do it repeatedly is weird

saraclara · 05/12/2022 19:31

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Hmm1234 · 05/12/2022 19:34

She is not the mum so it makes no sense unless she is trying to guilt trip you about something.

saraclara · 05/12/2022 19:47

Hmm1234 · 05/12/2022 19:34

She is not the mum so it makes no sense unless she is trying to guilt trip you about something.

Maybe read the thread where quite a few people have explained exactly why this behaviour does make sense.

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