My mum keeps accidentally calling herself mum

[twinmum2022]

Right, I do have a weird history with my mum so don't know if I'm being over sensitive.

But... when she's talking to my babies she quite often accidentally refers to herself as "mum".

For example, "aah come and see mummy" when she picks them up or "ohh shall mummy do it" when they drop their dummy ect.

She does correct herself but it really annoys me. Throw in a bunch of comments about what she'd rather they wear and constantly taking the pram away and I'm getting a bit fed up...

Am I being sensitive, are these just normal grandparent things we all suck up?

My mom does this all the time and mixes up our names with the dogs a lot lol, but in your situation with everything else I would be annoyed too.

I couldn’t get too worked up about her accidentally calling herself mum tbh. My mum did it loads, we laughed about it and moved on. She calls all her grandchildren each others names, and I get called all her sisters names. I’ve very nearly called myself mum to my niece. It’s easily done!

WTAF? Of COURSE that's not normal. Weird and inappropriate. Tell her to STOP.

Throw in a bunch of comments about what she'd rather they wear and constantly taking the pram away and I'm getting a bit fed up...

She sounds very controlling. And tell her she can’t take the pram.

You are under no obligation to see her just because she wants to see the babies.

My MIL does this occasionally, it annoys me but I leave her to it. My kids know who their mum is.

She also sometimes calls my husband by his dad’s name (her exH) and once called him daddy even when the kids weren’t in earshot (that one did make me silently explode with grossness!)

Hard to see how that's an accident tbh

Presumably she's not been "mummy" to anyone for many years now.

Would be similar to you OP wandering round introducing yourself and using your maiden name even though you've not been that name for years (assuming your married and name change of course)

Nip it in the bud now. If only for your kids sake, they'll definitely be confused by this!

I know it’s not the same thing, but I call each of my children and grandchildren by a list of their various names until I settle on the correct one. They’re used to it & just laugh. I’ve always done it, so I can’t say it’s an age thing.

Your mother is probably more used to calling herself Mummy than Granny in these early days, and she sounds a bit over-excited by it all.

Handling it gently is a good way forward.

My mum does it sometimes and there’s not a malicious bone in her body. In fairness she immediately corrects herself to nanny but DS is her first grandson so she’s probably just getting used to referring to herself as Nanny instead of mum!

@Phelicity what does that even mean?

@BCxx so you want your mum say "Brian has made you a cup of tea BCxx" rather than your dad has made you a cup of tea" how strange of you.

Poefaced, what does what even mean?

I've done this with dgc but I do correct myself.
Strangely I've done it more with dd's baby but I think that's because she's my youngest and very much a mum's girl still even as an adult.
It's never deliberate though.

@Phelicity I didn’t understand the list of names comment but got it now.

What name do you want your children to use for her, have you discussed it? Perhaps a good time to bring it up? Too confusing for your baby having two 'mummys'.

My kids haven't had children yet, but I think I'd like to be called Grandma.

My mum and mil do it. It really doesn’t bother me, they were parents for a long time before they were grandparents and I see it as a slip. Both always say straight away “oh I’m not mummy 🤦🏻‍♀️“ so I know it’s just a bit of a brain blip. I think it shows how much they love my babies.

My mum undermines me like this; throwaway remarks about how my child has loads of mummies (she's four and has had two part-time childminders over the years). She's also including herself despite doing very little to no babysitting.

I told her to stop before and she reacted like I was being dramatic. The last time she actually said it directly to my daughter, I told her very forcefully she was never to do that again.

It's not an accident, it's spiteful. For years she asked after my partner's "wife' (his ex).

Your mum is way passed the stage where she would “accidentally” call herself mum/mummy. Your baby’s are 4 months old, not 4 days. Tell her to pack it in. Creepy woman. She can either be gran/Nan or the woman you never see.

It's hard to know, you'll know your DM best. My DM does it on occasion but I do think it's accidental. When my DC were babies/toddlers I was quite sensitive to it as well, territorial almost, but have relaxed a bit over the years.

Personally I think you are being over-sensitive. Your babies are only 4 months old so it's not like they are going to repeat it. The fact that she corrects herself suggests it's not deliberate.

Would you prefer it if she wasn't interested in them?

Could you find a way to improve your bond with your mother through your shared love for your babies?

Maybe the Mum comment is as people have said, a hiccup. Just gently remind her, maybe asking whether she would prefer to be called Nan, Gran, Grandma etc to reinforce the name. Also, as someone said, jokingly and gently say to baby, ‘Silly Granny TwinMum …” (have you twins).

The ‘suggestion’ of clothes and taking away the pram is more controlling. You need to set boundaries Now. Your the mum, not her. You need to call her out on this, saying you’re happy with what she’s wearing etc.

My MiL does this and refers to my sons as her babies, drives me mad. No advice, but it does seem common, especially if the grandma is a bit vain.

I do this, completely accidentally. I think I've only done it once in my DD's presence, but when I'm doing occasional childcare for my toddler DGD or having her here for a sleepover, yes, I'd say it happens once or twice each time.

It's ABSOLUTELY NOT that I consider myself her mother or that I'm trying to usurp my DD. It's simply my subconscious brain recognising that I'm talkng to and caring for this little person that I love in the same way that I did my own daughters.

So no, it's not selfishness, it's not trying to grab her for myself,it's not dementia (hopefully). It's just my head going back into caring for a small child that I love.

That’s wrong, don’t accept it, your child only has one mum and that’s you.

Sorry, but you're talking rubbish. I do this MORE often rather than less, as my DGD transtions through toddlerhood. If for no other reason that we now communicateverballly more than when she was a tiny baby.

Seriously have you people never dealt with elderly people before? Our ability to think on the hop declines from the age of 20. Bloody 20! Presumably your Mum is much older than this. And the thing that persists the best is the emotion in relationships, not the vocabulary. So my mother in law calls all beloved younger men John (after her only son) To all children and young people she calls herself Mum (and then on a good day changes it to whatever is appropriate)
All of us have word finding difficulties by the time we are middle aged. All of us. But go ahead, tell her off, that will make everyone feel better I'm sure. Or you could work on your own resilience and self esteem so that this perceived slight doesn't undermine you.
Also why on earth do you care about her clothing preferences? She is absolutely entitled to prefer them in purple/ a lace bonnet /a trench coat. And she is entitled to say it. And you can ignore it or comment on it, but if you actually care about it and feel criticised by it then, again ...self esteem and resilience.