To expect the teacher to apologise to my dd?

[buckeejit]

Dd is 9 & was delighted to come home last week & tell us she was Mary in the school play. She was getting to slap someone in the play. How exciting.

She's been diagnosed with a chronic illness this year and not remotely sporty so not used to winning things normally.

She then came home a few days later quite down & spent some time in her room. She's quite sensitive & wouldn't say what was wrong. Later she came down & said now she wasn't Mary she was an angel instead.

Apparently, someone in the other class said they had a Mary costume so the other teacher said that girl could be Mary. DD's teacher asked dd if that was ok & said she didn't have to be an angel, but dd said 'ok, that's fine' as she thinks she has to be kind & isn't one to make a fuss.

I complained to DD's teacher, (she's a NQT covering for this year & I imagine finding this year quite full on). I said dd should never have been put in that position to decide & it wasn't fair. Queried if I had missed part of the story. She replied that she agreed with everything I'd said & the other teacher overruled her & pushed on with giving Mary to the other girl in his class. I asked her to pass my comments on to him & she said she would as she was also annoyed about it. DD's teacher was supposed to in charge of the drama & other teacher was in charge of singing. Other teacher is really nice & much loved by the pupils. I'm surprised at this.

I understand people make mistakes & see this as a bad decision. I think other teacher owes my dd an apology. I'm hoping he realises this himself & speaks to her this week. If not, am I unreasonable to speak to him & request that he does so? I think it's very important to show dc that we are accountable for our mistakes & that adults should apologise when thy make an error? What would you do?

Pointless? The effort of learning lines / stage directions and performing together is important and character building.

That’s a good idea on the two performances.

Agree wholeheartedly. Cause all sorts of aggro for all involved and have done since time immemorial

I’m agreeing with the pp who said the plays are shit

Who has their own Mary costume? Oh yes, the girl who is Mary every blooming year.
well, now it’s done, I think the two Marys is a good call. But bet your bottom dolllar other Mary’s family will be coming to both in two lots just to see their Mary. (Yes I was a sheep, plum pudding and angel in the heavenly host, so not at all bitter at the same girl being Mary every year)

I have just rejoined MN to watch the wrath from mothers about the Primary School Nativity 😂

Mary… slapping someone! That’s a new one! 😳

Mary and Joseph is usually given to the more shy children. Neither are a speaking role. I have no idea why these roles are coveted by parents 🤷🏻‍♀️

Im waiting for the parental wrath about the children involved in singing/drama groups outside of school, being given the main speaking/singing parts, whilst their quiet, shy, non verbal children aren’t.

MN at its best! 😂

FWIW The Angels usually have a line each to say. Mary has nothing to say - except, in this case, whacking someone 🫣 Best go with an Angel OP

Will the op expect apologies from every future employer who offers her DD an interview but not the job? It’s life and going up the school expecting an apology from a teacher leads a child to think that if you make enough fuss you can get what was never your entitlement

And lo, the Old Testament scriptures were amended and corrected to this version as it makes a lot more sense!

Yay verily 'twas sung on high by all of the angels

Mary Oh Mary
You are the one,
the Righteous One
Only when you say it,
does yes mean yes

Mary Oh Mary
Mother to THE Son
No pain relief
for you tonight
You're about to give birth in a shed.

(or something like that)

100% thankfully my DCs primary only had KS1 in the nativity.

@Tidsleytiddy

But that's not an analogous situation. The comparison would be to an employer that hired her and then told her that, actually, they'd changed their mind because someone else had their own laptop.

Don't remember the bit in the bible where Mary slapped anyone

Don't remember the bit in the bible where Mary slapped anyone

That post was meant as a joke comment on Mary not actually get a say in the bloody thing.

All I’m saying is, we can’t always get what we want

Mamansparkles may be correct that both teachers allocated the role. In any case, I’m not one to readily complain to school but tbh I’d be contacting the appropriate person, possibly the pastoral lead because of your dd’s illness and the Head or Deputy Head. I understand schools get plenty of complaints, however, this is one to highlight, not just because of how it is unfair to your dd and having been singled out, but also because the other class teacher is running roughshod over the NQT, who may need support. Her performance could be affected by the other teacher and I have a teacher friend, who was bullied by her counterpart during placement and she’s tough as old boots. Not saying that this is happening here, just this is not right.

I do think it's spectacularly shit to give a role to a child and then take it back. These things matter at that age - particularly when the justification for it was that the other kid had a costume!

Assuming they won't reverse their decision, and assuming everyone is providing their own costumes given that the other kid's own costume got her the part, I'd be going "oh so DD is an angel now is she? Okay then...." - cue malicious compliance - and THE most fabulous angel costume to ever see the light of day!

I'm a secondary Drama teacher and I think this is awful OP. I would never give a role and then take it away again. Putting on a show is incredibly stressful, but that's not the kids' problem. Having said that, I'm not sure what the teacher can now do to make it better. Possibly ensure the Angel part is expanded a bit so she doesn't feel too downgraded?

Have 2 Marys. That's what they need to do. Have they never seen Nativity ? Teacher has been v v mean. I am a teacher and I'd be v angry at a colleague who did this.

Agree with this. More parents need to stick up for their kids!

So many teaching staff don’t seem to understand the consequences of doing something like this.

I’d be fuming and make them change it back - it would show the other child and your daughter that they were completely in the wrong!! It’s good to show kids that adults aren’t perfect. Both of those teachers need a chat with the pastoral team to hear why it wasn’t ok.

So is this child going to come up with this nonsense every year. So what - who cares what costume your pushy mum bought you in the vain attempt to make you the star of the show.
You'll never please everybody - there's always some parent who thinks their child is the best at everything (and they're usually not).
We had a parent go to the teacher's house and demand to know why her daughter wasn't singing a solo as she's "the best singer in the class".

I’m intrigued about the “Mary costume at home” 🤔I wonder if the kid made that up to nab the part!

Absolutely no way would I accept this.

You said the teacher who ousted your DD from the Mary role was responsible for singing not acting, and the role was given to the other child a few days later OP. Were you asked to supply a costume and said No? The singing teacher should have checked with with the acting teacher first before giving the role to another child as he wasn’t doing the choosing. That is outrageous and the acting teacher should have immediately said she’d given the part to DD so it was up him to tell the other girl he’d made a mistake.

You DD was only put in this position because the acting teacher didn’t assert herself so how is a 9 year old expected to assert themselves when an adult didn’t!

Go straight to the Head with a formal email complaint. Your DD should be reinstated as Mary. It is a big deal to get the ‘lead’ part in a school performance not matter what other ‘suck it up, don’t make a fuss’ posters on here say. It’s even worse that she’s a child with a chronic illness, having one myself who’s recently been diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes and knowing how it’s impacted DS’s confidence in himself and how all consuming it is, I’d be creating a massive fuss about this and wouldn’t give damn about upsetting the teachers when they are the ones in the wrong!

Go straight to the Head with a formal email complaint. Your DD should be reinstated as Mary. It is a big deal to get the ‘lead’ part in a school performance not matter what other ‘suck it up, don’t make a fuss’ posters on here say

Mary isn’t a “lead part” though

The nice thing would have been if the parents of the other girl had offered your daughter the Mary-costume, since they weren't going to need it anyway. Wondering also why they might have that costume 🤔Seems like a rather unfair way of getting a role isn't it?

No, but we usually get what we are told we are getting.

Very upsetting for DD! However it's done now. I would make sure she has the BEST angel costume. She will absolutely steal the show no doubt ☺️