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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not to feel comfortable with DH putting cameras up all over the house?

415 replies

Iwantyourmidnights · 04/12/2022 10:04

Please help settle a debate between DH and I.

We have a toddler DS who does lots of the usual adorable/funny/unexpected things, and DH keeps talking about installing cameras in every room in the house so that we can capture all of the funny candid moments. For example today he did something funny with our cat in our bedroom while I was getting dressed, I told DH about it and straight away he said 'this is why we should have cameras up!'.

I do kind of get where he's coming from, DS is his first child, he's an absolutely doting father and he loves taking and watching videos of him and watching him grow up. However, I've just started mat leave and before that worked from home full time. I said to him that I wouldn't feel comfortable knowing I was being filmed all day long when I'm at home alone. Especially in our bedroom where we sleep/get dressed/sometimes enjoy, ahem, private time!

DH thinks I'm the weird one and most people would be fine with being filmed 24/7 big brother style. I think he is terrible at empathy and seeing things from the perspective of others, and most people would feel uncomfortable as I do.

To avoid the inevitable LTB pile on, I just want to say I'm 100% certain there's no hidden abusive/nefarious reason why he wants to put cameras up.

So:

YABU - there's nothing wrong with living under 24/7 surveillance in your own home, stop being a weirdo.

YANBU - DH is the weirdo wanting to film every moment of every day on the off chance DS does something funny.

OP posts:
Saltywalruss · 05/12/2022 10:25

Passthecheeseboard · 05/12/2022 09:37

DH works more hours than me so I’m at home more than he is, the cameras are more for security reasons rather than stalky reasons, it’s actually becoming more common for people to have at home security surveillance cameras than it used to be, one of my friends has them in her house too.

They are also handy to watch pets on when away from home. I can see what my cat is up to when I’m out lol … We also faced some towards our fish tanks while we were on holiday to keep an eye on them. It was quite surreal being half way across the world and being able to see our aquariums at home 😁

As long as the cameras aren’t in any private places like the bathroom or bedroom (ours are in the hallways, stairs, living room and kitchen) and that everyone knows they are being filmed I think it’s fine and not creepy at all…

It can be kind of fun, occasionally I will treat DH to a little strip tease on the camera 😏

You might be treating more than your DH to your striptease ...

PepsiMaxAholic · 05/12/2022 10:38

LexMitior · 04/12/2022 12:25

No of course it's not okay to place them in a child's bed room.

Anyones bedroom!

I know someone who had a camera in his stepsons bedroom and would talk to him through the camera, even when he was getting changed. The child said he had to hide down the side of his bed when he got changed so no one could see him.

LexMitior · 05/12/2022 10:52

Seriously, being filmed in your house probably breaches your human rights.

I am glad someone has said it - cameras are used to control people, installed by controlling people.

Pet cams are for pets, cameras in the house to keep you safe?

You are the pet.

LexMitior · 05/12/2022 10:55

It can be and is cited as a form of psychological abuse in court. I'm sure there are a lot of damaged ideas about filming meaning safe. But it's always done at the entrances and exits, which gives the game away. Installed in house isolated and with little crime, it's an effective prison.

PepsiMaxAholic · 05/12/2022 11:03

LexMitior · 05/12/2022 10:55

It can be and is cited as a form of psychological abuse in court. I'm sure there are a lot of damaged ideas about filming meaning safe. But it's always done at the entrances and exits, which gives the game away. Installed in house isolated and with little crime, it's an effective prison.

Unfortunately in my experience, even filming a child getting undressed in their bedroom by someone who wasn't a parent was not taken seriously by the Police, Social or the Court.

LexMitior · 05/12/2022 11:08

@PepsiMaxAholic - I assume the outcome was the camera was removed?

Cameras don't protect people. There are grim cases of people being abused - and filmed for gratification.

PepsiMaxAholic · 05/12/2022 11:09

LexMitior · 05/12/2022 11:08

@PepsiMaxAholic - I assume the outcome was the camera was removed?

Cameras don't protect people. There are grim cases of people being abused - and filmed for gratification.

Completely agree with you. The camera has been removed now but it wasn't at first. Took them a good few months.

LexMitior · 05/12/2022 11:23

Are you a stay at home parent? Partner concerned for your welfare? Do they go out into the real world that is dangerous? You need protecting.

Cameras for your kitchen, entrances and exits. Protect your family, check out the cat washing its bum and violate the human right to privacy! Check your wife is doing the cleaning at all times, and let your resentment and controlling nature rise as she fails to take the post in.

knittingaddict · 05/12/2022 11:52

PepsiMaxAholic · 05/12/2022 11:03

Unfortunately in my experience, even filming a child getting undressed in their bedroom by someone who wasn't a parent was not taken seriously by the Police, Social or the Court.

Show quote history

I can't say too much, but in the case I know about it was taken seriously and was included in the court order. The police included it in their investigation too.

Crackof · 05/12/2022 12:07

I've just read about a paedophile using someone's Alexa to groom her child. He sang to the child and told her he was her new daddy. Alexas and cameras are hackable. Having them without understanding how they can ALSO be used is stupid.

pinkyredrose · 05/12/2022 12:19

Passthecheeseboard · 05/12/2022 08:31

I don’t think it’s too abnormal, DH has installed security cameras throughout the house. We work nights so this way we know the house is secure when we are not in… They automatically record whenever they sense motion, and if I’m home alone DH can see me on the cameras and check I’m ok.

Why does he need to check you're ok?

LexMitior · 05/12/2022 14:07

@pinkyredrose - because she has the same status as a hamster.

Woman cam

Yogalola · 05/12/2022 17:49

mediaNo way allow this, total control over your life. Imagine having friend over to discuss something private and your husband hearing the conversation. No doubt he’ll want a tracker on your phone next. Imagine being filmed doing your moustache etc somethings we need to do without being broadcast to all. Suppose you fell out, imagine film getting into wrong hands or posted on social

inthedeepshade · 05/12/2022 17:51

YANBU but I think his enthusiasm is sweet. It reminds me of those threads about crazy things new mums do with their babies eg taking off their gloves because they forgot their baby's gloves.

Bunchymcbunchface · 05/12/2022 17:51

YANBU! It’s weird.

lol although I wanted my dad to have a camera in his livingroom as he’s 93 and lives alone. I’m worried about him falling whilst on his own as he has no internet for panic button etc.
he point blank refuses!

changeme4this · 05/12/2022 17:54

If you are the one primarily at home, the app should be on your mobile to control what cameras are on and off. They don’t necessarily need to be turned on all at the same time…

but they are handy if you are all away from the home as far as evidence/security goes.

VioletLemon · 05/12/2022 17:55

One day your husband will need to accept that your DC is an individual in his own right. Time to encourage him to take photos but not to overstep the mark, especially with your own privacy. It's simply not acceat all. Say, no.

Angelil · 05/12/2022 17:55

Has he never seen The Truman Show?!

wentworthinmate · 05/12/2022 17:59

YANBU When would he watch all the footage to capture the funny moments? He's lying about his reasons. External cams for security and maybe one internal to capture intruder, burglar or security weak spot but that's it. He's weird.

Grrrrdarling · 05/12/2022 18:11

Iwantyourmidnights · 04/12/2022 10:04

Please help settle a debate between DH and I.

We have a toddler DS who does lots of the usual adorable/funny/unexpected things, and DH keeps talking about installing cameras in every room in the house so that we can capture all of the funny candid moments. For example today he did something funny with our cat in our bedroom while I was getting dressed, I told DH about it and straight away he said 'this is why we should have cameras up!'.

I do kind of get where he's coming from, DS is his first child, he's an absolutely doting father and he loves taking and watching videos of him and watching him grow up. However, I've just started mat leave and before that worked from home full time. I said to him that I wouldn't feel comfortable knowing I was being filmed all day long when I'm at home alone. Especially in our bedroom where we sleep/get dressed/sometimes enjoy, ahem, private time!

DH thinks I'm the weird one and most people would be fine with being filmed 24/7 big brother style. I think he is terrible at empathy and seeing things from the perspective of others, and most people would feel uncomfortable as I do.

To avoid the inevitable LTB pile on, I just want to say I'm 100% certain there's no hidden abusive/nefarious reason why he wants to put cameras up.

So:

YABU - there's nothing wrong with living under 24/7 surveillance in your own home, stop being a weirdo.

YANBU - DH is the weirdo wanting to film every moment of every day on the off chance DS does something funny.

YANBU

neighboursmustliveon · 05/12/2022 18:18

A couple of years ago we treated ourselves to a ring doorbell and a ring cam. For a short time, DH put the cam up in the kitchen. I wasn't comfortable as that is where I exercise, I come down in the morning in my pjs or nightie and I didn't want that caught on camera. It's now outside to capture the back door/garden.

I don't think even he would have considered our bedroom being suitable!

ettabea · 05/12/2022 18:21

I know someone whose husband installed it in their house. He watches her every move.
Invasion of privacy and creepy as hell.

shadypines · 05/12/2022 18:24

No no no no no, definitely no cameras, total OTT. Your DC will soon be at an age to understand the difference between being on their own and being watched. Makes me shudder to think of anyone watching me when I thought I was alone, at whatever age.

LexMitior · 05/12/2022 18:25

Pet cam, like live cam.

Some porn obsessed husbands out there.

TheGuv1982 · 05/12/2022 18:27

Would be a firm fucking no from me, and I know the wife would feel the same way.