Not to feel comfortable with DH putting cameras up all over the house?

[Iwantyourmidnights]

Please help settle a debate between DH and I.

We have a toddler DS who does lots of the usual adorable/funny/unexpected things, and DH keeps talking about installing cameras in every room in the house so that we can capture all of the funny candid moments. For example today he did something funny with our cat in our bedroom while I was getting dressed, I told DH about it and straight away he said 'this is why we should have cameras up!'.

I do kind of get where he's coming from, DS is his first child, he's an absolutely doting father and he loves taking and watching videos of him and watching him grow up. However, I've just started mat leave and before that worked from home full time. I said to him that I wouldn't feel comfortable knowing I was being filmed all day long when I'm at home alone. Especially in our bedroom where we sleep/get dressed/sometimes enjoy, ahem, private time!

DH thinks I'm the weird one and most people would be fine with being filmed 24/7 big brother style. I think he is terrible at empathy and seeing things from the perspective of others, and most people would feel uncomfortable as I do.

To avoid the inevitable LTB pile on, I just want to say I'm 100% certain there's no hidden abusive/nefarious reason why he wants to put cameras up.

So:

YABU - there's nothing wrong with living under 24/7 surveillance in your own home, stop being a weirdo.

YANBU - DH is the weirdo wanting to film every moment of every day on the off chance DS does something funny.

Okay wtf a nursery allows me to log on and watch the kids?

Really?

I am actually not in the UK now. Maybe it is completely different here. Everyone videos their kids. The daycares and nurseries all have live streams you can log into, many people have nanny cams and video monitors they can use via phone to watch their kids in their own homes and most caregivers are expected to send parents videos and pictures throughout the day if out of the house. I was out for dinner with friends recently and two of them kept an eye on their kids through their phone apps during dinner. Here it isn't creepy at all, but considered the norm.

Okay, I really want to know the people who record their homes. I know no one who does this. It is not about money.

The UK based nursery we used had cameras in the room that you could watch from home/work/wherever. I assumed it was normal but maybe not. I rarely logged on and if I did it wasn’t as much from a checking up on them point of view, but more to have a laugh at whatever they were up to (once saw a disco).

@Vitalsigning Where the hell do you live?!!

I don't know one friend/family member/neighbour etc who DOES have internal cameras!

I live in a very 'naice' area - nobody has this.

There is very little crime around here so why would we need it?!!

Camera people, where do you live???

Just search video monitor on here. Tons of results of people with cameras on their kids.

I live in quite a high end area - I don’t know anyone with cameras. Burglar alarm is as far as it goes. Or maybe a Ring doorbell.

But where? I mean, how bad does your home have to be to need cameras?

No way would I allow this. Super creepy and controlling. I don’t care what the excuse about “capturing funny kid moments” is. I call bullshit on it. If my husband suggested having cameras in every room I’d move out.

Or equally, how mistrustful would you have to be to think I need cameras?

The nursery is disturbing - truly. The ability to watch other peoples kids? I am surprised that other parents did not object. I would have assumed there was a problem there.

StaunchMomma & Outfor150, same here, I live in a little village, nobody has cameras, just an occasional burglar alarm.

I think Vitalsigning said she lives in a quaint Oxfordshire village.

Everyone has a right to privacy.

I post the odd family photo on Facebook but since my DD became a teenager I check before I post.

YANBU

this is not acceptable. You cannot live under surveillance and he is wrong to say most people would be ok with it.

most people would NOT be ok with it. We live in a world now where all of our movements at work and public are recorded or filmed and we need to live in our house without being recorded

beside I have made videos of my kids when they were young and they rarely get watches. Nobody will have time in the future to sit back and rewatch all this footage so it’s pointless.
video the special occasions etc

There was a nursery I looked at for my children 10+ years ago that had this as a feature. I didn't send my children there.

Why is it weird not to have cameras up?

why do you need to monitor your kids or have the ability to do so every second of the day?

what on Earth do you argue about this this is necessary for?

Weird, I’d take them all down.

Do you all live in Midsomer?

There are a lot of camera companies who prey on the paranoia of people. I live in a banal, safe as houses part of outer London. These companies are everywhere in a place where they prey on peoples paranoia.

I have lived in places which were more dangerous and had real issues with crime. People did not have cameras!

There are also a serious subset of creepy controlling people who place them in homes to "keep the family safe". That is not a good reason.

I'd also be unhappy with this..it's creeps me out .are you certain he's not using this as a reason to spy on you? Check for hidden cams

I really hope my DHs ex wife reads this thread as her and her DH live in a house full of cameras, at his insistence obviously, the poor stepkids are subjected to this and have been for years. It’s so so weird. Just bizarre behaviour

Well if it's getting common you HAVE to accept it, then. Blimey, do people really lack personal agency to this extent? 🙄

Yes, why just use common sense..

You aren't being unreasonable at all. Sounds like he's using it as an excuse and trying to just watch every single minute. Who would want to live like that, you definitely want to glue your foot to the floor on this x