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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not to feel comfortable with DH putting cameras up all over the house?

415 replies

Iwantyourmidnights · 04/12/2022 10:04

Please help settle a debate between DH and I.

We have a toddler DS who does lots of the usual adorable/funny/unexpected things, and DH keeps talking about installing cameras in every room in the house so that we can capture all of the funny candid moments. For example today he did something funny with our cat in our bedroom while I was getting dressed, I told DH about it and straight away he said 'this is why we should have cameras up!'.

I do kind of get where he's coming from, DS is his first child, he's an absolutely doting father and he loves taking and watching videos of him and watching him grow up. However, I've just started mat leave and before that worked from home full time. I said to him that I wouldn't feel comfortable knowing I was being filmed all day long when I'm at home alone. Especially in our bedroom where we sleep/get dressed/sometimes enjoy, ahem, private time!

DH thinks I'm the weird one and most people would be fine with being filmed 24/7 big brother style. I think he is terrible at empathy and seeing things from the perspective of others, and most people would feel uncomfortable as I do.

To avoid the inevitable LTB pile on, I just want to say I'm 100% certain there's no hidden abusive/nefarious reason why he wants to put cameras up.

So:

YABU - there's nothing wrong with living under 24/7 surveillance in your own home, stop being a weirdo.

YANBU - DH is the weirdo wanting to film every moment of every day on the off chance DS does something funny.

OP posts:
Oaktree55 · 04/12/2022 14:01

For those saying weird/intrusive it is possible to turn them off at will and they wouldn't be in bathrooms etc just main living areas as a rule although obviously people like to have cameras in young childrens rooms to check and really no different in principle to the ones you can buy as baby monitors, just integrated in the house system. I really don't think it is weird at all just what you are used to.

amonsteronthehill · 04/12/2022 14:06

YANBU

No way would this be happening in my house

Clymene · 04/12/2022 14:14

Oaktree55 · 04/12/2022 14:01

For those saying weird/intrusive it is possible to turn them off at will and they wouldn't be in bathrooms etc just main living areas as a rule although obviously people like to have cameras in young childrens rooms to check and really no different in principle to the ones you can buy as baby monitors, just integrated in the house system. I really don't think it is weird at all just what you are used to.

Of course it's weird and intrusive! Wanting to watch what your family is doing when you're not in the room/house is weird, intrusive and stalkerish.

Rachie1973 · 04/12/2022 14:18

Nicknacky · 04/12/2022 11:32

Clearly you don’t understand police communications then. That information will not be given to the police en route or at scene in less than a second. It has to go via the control room then the officers and that will obviously take longer.

Your system won’t go direct to the officers airwaves.

Show quote history

And even then it’ll still be prioritised depending on whatever else is being dealt with at the time.

LexMitior · 04/12/2022 14:20

Got to love the camera industry. Are you paranoid; then we can monitor you and yours to check nothing is happening in one of the safest countries in the world. For money!

Wiloswisp · 04/12/2022 14:23

Massive NO from me!

Notanotherone6 · 04/12/2022 14:27

Everyone thinks it's weird and abusive but I think they're the weird ones. We have cameras up. None in bedrooms, bathrooms or lounge, but hall/landing, kitchen and garden. Wouldn't bother me to have one in the lounge though. Helps keep track of the kids/settle arguments etc. Rarely do they do anything funny on them though.

Spellcheck · 04/12/2022 14:30

Nope.
People forget they they don’t ‘own’ their children. They don’t ‘own’ their spouses. If spouses don’t want to be filmed 24/7 then that’s their prerogative. Children don’t have a choice, but imagine growing up knowing you were being filmed the whole time. Or worse - not knowing.
Nope.

Outfor150 · 04/12/2022 14:36

No. Terrible thing to do. Intrusive and psychologically damaging. And who knows what could happen to and with that footage.

Phelicity · 04/12/2022 14:40

Lucky those not living in fear and paranoia in high value houses, surrounded by security cameras and distanced from each other by home automation. Give me a lower-end life any day.

Thanks for the update OP, good to hear you’ve talked it over between you and feel happier now.

FlissyPaps · 04/12/2022 14:40

I know a couple who have done this, but only in their kitchen, so they can keep an eye on their dogs when they’re out of the house. I think that’s reasonable.

To have cameras all over the house, is unreasonable. There is no privacy. For your or your child. “To capture funny moments” is just a shit excuse for him saying “I want full control to know where you are and what you’re doing at all times”.
Very unnerving.

FermisLeftFoot · 04/12/2022 14:41

Iwantyourmidnights · 04/12/2022 13:23

MN is being a nightmare for me today, it's taken me nearly an hour to post this reply!

@NoSquirrels yes, we have another baby due any day now. And to whoever asked, he started suggesting the idea around when DS started walking, so not coinciding with my maternity leave. And no I'm not planning on being a SAHM and he has no other controlling tendencies. I think the potential creepieness of it just failed to occur to him tbh.

I've shown him this thread (although neither of us have had chance to read every single response yet) and he well and truly accepts that he's in the minority and has eaten his words. We both suspect he may be slightly neurodiverse actually, and we've had a few conversations about him lacking empathy/the ability to understand other perspectives. He does also have form for having quite mad ideas sometimes.

Anyway, he said it was useful to gain so many other opinions and it's made him wonder what else he should be listening to me about, so thank you all for proving me right Grin

That’s a good outcome! Good that your DH has read responses and realised his views were very much of a minority!

Brandymakesmerandy · 04/12/2022 14:42

I couldn't live life as though I was on big brother 🤷‍♀️ he sounds a bit weird to be honest

butterfliedtwo · 04/12/2022 14:47

Good that he has reconsidered.

There is no chance I'd live like that.

Letthesunshineonin · 04/12/2022 14:52

Excellent result OP.

Lalliella · 04/12/2022 14:59

Iwantyourmidnights · 04/12/2022 13:23

MN is being a nightmare for me today, it's taken me nearly an hour to post this reply!

@NoSquirrels yes, we have another baby due any day now. And to whoever asked, he started suggesting the idea around when DS started walking, so not coinciding with my maternity leave. And no I'm not planning on being a SAHM and he has no other controlling tendencies. I think the potential creepieness of it just failed to occur to him tbh.

I've shown him this thread (although neither of us have had chance to read every single response yet) and he well and truly accepts that he's in the minority and has eaten his words. We both suspect he may be slightly neurodiverse actually, and we've had a few conversations about him lacking empathy/the ability to understand other perspectives. He does also have form for having quite mad ideas sometimes.

Anyway, he said it was useful to gain so many other opinions and it's made him wonder what else he should be listening to me about, so thank you all for proving me right Grin

Great outcome OP! Your DH sounds like a generally good guy and it’s great you can have an honest discussion with him about possible neurodiversity. He’s lucky to have you for guidance! You should definitely not LTB!

Megifer · 04/12/2022 15:00

Good result. Bless him though for thinking this was in any way a normal thing to do 🤣🤣

BobbyBobbyBobby · 04/12/2022 15:00

How awful for the child. Perhaps your husband would have been better off siring a performing seal.

magicscares · 04/12/2022 15:03

YNBUR No chance! It’s not respecting anyone’s privacy- what about guests staying?! He might need reminding of boundaries as DS grows up.

Benjispruce4 · 04/12/2022 15:06

I voting op but Yanbu. It’s weird.

Winterpetal · 04/12/2022 15:13

Fucking hell
your dh is a fucking weirdo.run

TimeForMeToF1y · 04/12/2022 15:13

Vitalsigning · 04/12/2022 10:50

I don’t know one family who doesn’t have internal security systems set up, including cameras.

That includes all friends, family, co workers etc.

A few don’t have 100% coverage but they all have at least a few rooms covered.

Might be a financial thing though.

Show quote history

That can't possibly be true unless you are part of some weird security camera commune

Do you work, do you have children at school? If so it isnt the case that they all have internal cameras, it really isnt

How would you even kniw, do you routinely ask everyone you meet?

Wafflesnsniffles · 04/12/2022 15:16

Definitely a NO from me. Respect your childs privacy and definitely dont do this. ITs nice when kids do cute things but he has a right to not have his life all over the net. Watch the Dad Challenge Podcast on youtube for lots of examples of how damaging family vlogs can be (if your dh is considering being a family vlogger)

musingsinmidlife · 04/12/2022 15:47

Daycares and nurseries often have cameras and parents can log in to watch their kids so I don't think the idea is all that creepy.

Many people have a phone up recording their kid all the time so I don't think the parent who isn't home is weird for wanting to watch videos too and to see their child growing up. You see mothers at the park videoing their kid rather than directing interacting with them too.

However you can't capture every moment. And OP and the child need a degree of privacy in their own home. Internal security cameras aren't uncommon but Op needs to have input into where they are and how dad can be engaged in his child during the day while OP is at home.

Megifer · 04/12/2022 15:53

"Daycares and nurseries often have cameras and parents can log in to watch their kids so I don't think the idea is all that creepy."

In the UK?