To wonder why many on MN

[CourtneeLuv]

Are so pedantic, literal and joyless?

Other sites aren't like this

It's asking for clarification of an ableist statement.

Please stop looking for things to get offended by, you'll be happier.

😂😂😂

I'm quite new on here and I do try to avoid stuff I don't like, like baby showers, fancy weddings and hen dos. If those do pop up in a thread unexpectedly (ie not in the title or OP), then I'm going to have to snort and scorn, I'm afraid. I don't think it's going to hurt anyone.

Posts that reflect a lot of anxiety can be tricky. People want sympathy but get snarky jibes. It's tough if you think someone is being silly, or has brought the issue on themselves and it's hard to take a moment to try and see it from their perspective. Where kids are concerned though, I think I have a bit of a trigger finger, but that's been acquired through closely parenting three of my own and teaching a helluva lot of kids from difficult families.

Must say though, the discussions on gender have been refreshingly well informed and informative. That was a pleasant surprise!

I'm not on a lot of social media, but it's depressing to read the same old 'don't have kids if you can't afford them'; 'My dog/cat is more important than other people's kids' and 'karma's a bitch' type rubbish on YouTube.

I think MN as a site would look massively different if AIBU was removed from the active boards. Then you'd see it in all its lovely glory - the friendly exchanges of advice on when to plant seeds or which cake recipe to use, how to cope with toddler meltdowns and best of all, the loving, unstinting support on the MH boards.

If you want to find nice MNers just skip the active boards and dive into the quiet corners of gardening, books, cookery, parenting - the stuff the site was started for in the first place.

It's actually a common feature in autism, to make conversations about yourself or to turn the conversation into something that's about you. It's how lots of us communicate.
You should see me and my eldest when we talk. We are both autistic and our conversations are so random as we both attempt to change the conversations to things we relate to.
It's the way we show that we understand a topic by relating it to ourselves.
For example, if an NT person mentions that they have booked a holiday to Mexico, an autistic person might not say something like "oh how lovely! When are you going" etc, they may say something like "I've been to Mexico and....."
The NT person gets offended because we aren't asking about them and says we always make the conversation about ourselves when that's just the way we communicate.

Thank you @ofwarren

If someone says they’ve booked a holiday to Mexico, I think sharing that you’ve also been to Mexico is a totally normal comment 🤷‍♀️

It doesn't help that MN attracts a lot of trolls (ease inf name changing aids this-and from what I can gather that's not a thing on other sites), also that it relies on reports for posts to be looked at rather than being fully moderated.
Could that be why 'other sites' are different?

It’s the vocal minority. The internet is run by them
snd it’s slowly seeping into real life which is very, fucking sad.

If they removed AIBU the posters who use it to be arsey would probably just be arsey in the other active topics.

Accusing someone of making ableist comments is incredibly annoying and is something I try to teach my autistic DC to be aware of (not always being on the defensive). Being autistic does not mean you are self centred. They are two separate things.

I don't know any other way to have a conversation.
I know it intellectually, from reading about how it should be done or by observing others but putting it into practice is so hard. I have to massively mask and I don't take in the conversation at all because I'm focusing on trying to get it 'right'.
Give me a conversation with another autistic any day so we can just be random

It's hard to believe though that this is the site that not too many years ago had Secret Santa (all coordinated by one MNHQ member) where posters were sending each other lovely gifts, with a thread for the thank yous.

Very true. No one is to enjoy going to weddings or events, to expect to have a nice birthday with presents, no one is to welcome or enjoy the company of wider family.

Making yourself look nice, and presentable, is vain and unnecessary.

God forbid anyone expect a nice Christmas present.

Pedantic, literal and joyless - have you met Reddit? I'd also add arcane and unwelcoming re Reddit.

Bad example maybe.
My point is that my conversation would be straight to my experience of the topic, not to ask how the other person feels or anything about them really.
Its extremely hard not to do it.

Do you have any other website recommendations OP? I have become used to MN but you are right there is a lot of nastiness.

Would you say that to someone who felt that a person was being racist or homophobic?
Why is it any different?

Then the thread gets deleted because of then few. Which was probably the aim. And the op and other genuine posters can't have a discussion. And if its something op needed some support with that's now gone.

That's anotger thing, the whattaboutery and the race to the bottom.

It's just so tiresome.

I'm glad the MN world isn't my world

But MN isn't one single world. It may appear as if it's made up of people who never answer their door/phone, wash their bedding twice a day or whatever the competitive topic of the day is but most people's RL isn't like that at all.

Everyone is just living a normal life, but on an anonymous internet forum they can say what they like and be who they like. Nobody would ever know.

But she didn't say being pedantic and literal make one joyless.

I doubt reporting for "a difference of opinion" goes on and if it did it wouldn't be taken seriously.

Oh I don't know, my local Facebook page has the most unpleasant, bossy know it alls on so I don't think it's confined to Mumsnet.

The comment was not ableist though !? The offended poster was looking to be offended, so boring. As is constantly using your diagnosis to force others to change the way they speak and act. I'm off to enter the real world for a walk now, have a lovely day.