If you are a mum/dad family, do you actively talk to your children about different ‘types’ of families?

[Family87]

Do you spend time talking to your children about families that are different to your own- same sex families, adopted children, single parent families etc etc?
do you think your children have the idea that their family is the ‘right’ or ‘normal’ family?

Not in an artificial contrived way. We just have friends who model different family set ups. My daughter was a bridesmaid for a gay couple we know. They have stayed with us and we with them, so our kids knew they were a couple from before they were old enough to think about it. We also have friends who are practicing catholics with a very large family. The kids have friends with divorced and remarried parents, friends who only have one parent at home or whose parents are much older or younger than us. My kids have always accepted all of these different family arrangements as normal.

I'd probably add that some people think some colours and hobbies are only for girls and only for boys, but we know that colours and activities are for everyone.

A lot less explanation required if you don't subscribe to stereotypes in theory I guess. If you instill them with pink are only for girls mentality yes, then bound to cause confusion.

I assume children come across and accept appalling fashion sense and ill fitting clothes regularly enough for that to be unremarkable. It's the let's pretend element that is unusual as we don't tend to encourage lying and gaslighting of children in many other contexts.

No. However I’m a single parent, they have a stepmom and step siblings. We have friends who are gay and have kids and friends who are in relationships without kids so it’s all pretty normal without me having to specifically make a thing out of it.

Is it not more about teaching tolerance and not being judgemental then it won't matter what the make up of the family is? I don't think children think about what is "normal" (whatever that means) as whatever they live in is normal for them - which is why batshit parents get away with a lot as a child just rationalises it as being the norm. I guess that you mean societal norms rather than the childs normal though. We , in talking about friends and work colleagues, by default talk about different types of families so 2 dads, adopted, shit parents, single parents etc.

I don't think it's possible to actively teach tolerance, any more than it's possible to teach love or anger. You model behaviours, then support your child in understanding and considering emotions and choices around actions. You can teach that it's bad to hurt others, because you don't want others to feel bad, and that sometimes people make mistakes that hurt others, but not that anyone is a monochrome "bad person". If you are judgemental about anyone's life choices, then your children will pick that up. They won't necessarily be judgemental about the same things as you, they will just learn that being judgemental is ok.

Yes, and we also have the usborne 'families' book.

Yes, from a very young age but it is made easier for us with my siblings having a wide range eg;

2 mums
2 dads
Adoption
Single parent families
2.4 children
Surrogacy
Stepfamilies/2nd children

We come from quite a blended family anyway and we know same sex couples but I havent had the conversation about it she just knows there married and never questioned it.

I told my girl when she was 5 how nanan used to be married to grandad and we all lived together when we was little. It was quite funny actually as I dont think she would have linked the two together.

Yeah we have. DD's friend at school has two mums and a couple are single mums.

Within my own DC social circle, I would say that DC living with both parents are in the minority. The conversation was had quiet early on when they started school that some families only have one parent, some have two, some have step parents, some have two mums and some have two dads. Some don't live with their parents and some live with other relatives etc.

No, both are secondary age and know that all children the world over are born as a result of relations between a male and a female and therefore heterosexuality is unquestionably the norm in terms of having children and creating a family.

They also know from their lived experience that some people are gay and some relationships break down and others come together after having children because real life isn’t straightforward. I don’t personally champion surrogacy for example but would never presume to sit them down and “educate” them on how I think they should see the world, I let them see for themselves and discuss as they want to.

Of course, I also find it shocking so many on here are not because their child hasn’t asked.

How insular

But it's not wrong, same sex marriages are legal. Some of the children in her class/school might be from same-sex families, might be related to same-sex families, or might themselves be gay.

Learning materials, reading books, wall displays, etc should represent as wide a range of people/backgrounds as possible because representation matters.

In KS1 there is usually discussion of families in PSHE, comparing different family set ups, family traditions, family histories, personal timelines, comparing their childhood here and now to childhood in another country or childhood in the past, looking at what is common to both and what is common to one or the other.

Single parent here although I co-parent. The kids seem to take every situation as it comes. They don't think we're the odd ones out as see other families made up in different ways. They also know about adoption and fostering etc. Sometimes my youngest will ask questions to clarify.

I've not talked about those things. I think they probably are taught/discussed at school. (I did joke once about one of DD friends being greedy for having two dads, I said they would cause a dad shortage. The dads were a separated father and the mothers new boyfriend.)

It's probably a good thing to talk to children about things they won't learn about at school, but I'm not sure why you think these things fall into that category.

I guess minority family types are more likely to come up at home if you are in one. Other families have no reason to care.

Yes I do. My kids are living with me as a lone print family but I’m drumming it into them that the best way for them is to get married and have a career then have a family. I don’t want them to have hardships in life and I want better for them.

I guess minority family types are more likely to come up at home if you are in one. Other families have no reason to care.

How to bring your kids up to be ignorant and insular.

Around 3.5% of people in the UK identify as gay or bisexual.

15% of families in the UK are single parent families.

Around 11% of families in the UK are blended families.

Around 2800 children a year are adopted.

Even if your own family and every family you know is 2.4 children living with their mum and dad, there is a good chance that that your children will grow up to be part of a different sort of family. They should know from childhood that different types of family exist and that they're all normal.