If you are a mum/dad family, do you actively talk to your children about different ‘types’ of families?

[Family87]

Do you spend time talking to your children about families that are different to your own- same sex families, adopted children, single parent families etc etc?
do you think your children have the idea that their family is the ‘right’ or ‘normal’ family?

No, we never considered the need to have a conversation. The kids inevitably came across different families to ours and never questioned it. Why would they. For the same reason we have never felt the need to point out family members’ sexuality. If you feel the need to point out differences, surely that defeats the point that everyone is the same.

@MrsTerryPratchett I'd you don't believe in stereotypes, how can you explain how a man lives as a woman?
Genuinely the only difference I can think of that are universal are sex based, so how can you explain how one lives as the opposite sex when sex changes are plastic surgery and superficial and all other 'markers' are stereotype bullshit?

I think telling a child some girls live as boys and vice versa is misleading that oversimplification can be harmful in the long-term.

Yes of course, my Son’s both know about all sorts of family dynamics and different sorts of relationships. We never sat down and talked about it, it just pops up in everyday conversations.

I was agreeing with you @AngelicPickles

Poorly it seems

To be honest, it came up naturally.

The ‘best’ friend eldest dc made at toddler group had 2 mums, a friend of dh adopted with his husband, and my single best friend had a baby via ivf around the time dc was born (little girl frequently talks about her ‘donor daddy’). Both my and dh’s parents are divorced, so he’s aware of single parents families (he asked questions very young about why our parents didn’t live together and who my, largely absent, dad is. Dh also has a wonderful step-mum). We have military personnel in our friendship group, so he naturally became aware of families separated for work, and dh and I both work in prisons, and he has asked what happens if a parent goes to jail.
Neighbours have custody of their grandchildren (and now he’s in year 1, so is one of his classmates). My sil’s mum is a foster carer (they’ve never met, but he loves the stories of all the children sil had to ‘play’ with throughout her childhood) And we also sadly know a family who lost their father.

I’ve never really considered it an important thing to discuss, because I just followed his lead. Children are naturally inquisitive and accepting. I answered any questions he had, but he’s never ever queried same-sex parents (for example), because he’s always ‘seen’ them and (rightly) just accepts it. I suppose if dc hadn’t naturally become aware of other families, I probably would have taken the lead to bring it up, but I don’t know.

If it comes up, I discuss it, but haven’t brought it up. Haven’t really given it any headspace.

Absolutely yes! I talk to my sons about all sorts. Once a fortnight roughly. We talk about different families, social media, things they may have seen in the news etc.

I learned sex education in the playground as I didn't have parents who were open about things, I don't want that for my sons. Last week we talked about consent, not just regarding intimacy, but on a wider scale as well.

I've done it since they were old enough to have a conversation, always in an age appropriate way.

I probably didn't need to talk about different families, we are a mixed race family, my youngest's son's best friend is adopted, there are three same sex couples on my road alone, not to mention our wider circle.

It's still good to talk about though, children can come to some interesting conclusions if left to their own devices, it's best that they feel they can ask me questions.

We don’t actively talk about it but have friends with different family set ups to ours so it’s just normal already in my DCs life.

@MrsTerryPratchett probably not poorly, no sleep makes me foggy headed.

No not yet. She’s just 3.
I imagine I will when there’s something to trigger it, probably at school. We have gay friends and family so it’s not “hidden” from her anyway.
I don’t think there’s any rush though.

We were a regular mum/dad 2 kids family when they were growing up but I don’t think I actively spoke to them about it because not every family we hung out with looked like ours so they knew families could be any constellation. We had/have friends who are same-sex couples, adopted children, families with lots of kids, families with one parent/one child, mixed-race families.

I don’t think it’s a big deal for most kids these days, unless you live in an ultra conservative area perhaps.

No. I will when they start asking questions.

Not actively brought it up but then within my children's friendship group there are adopted children, children with lone parents and children with same sex parents.

So far they've not asked any questions about any of these family set ups.

If they did I'd answer them as best I could.

Not actively as in having a big conversation, but it has just happened naturally as part of life - a friend with divorced parents, another with two dads, that kind of thing. There are a few CBeebies bedtimes stories with different family set-ups, and some TV programmeds as well, so it has just been presented as a normal part of life.

The trickiest part (for me!) was earlier this year after DD (who is 7) had been told about the facts of life, meaning that when she next watched a tv show with a character who has two mums, she wanted to know how they’d had a baby with no dad. I was a bit unprepared and just said they had been helped by doctors , which wasn’t the best explanation, but she hasn’t mentioned it again!

I had this conversation with my 5 year old recently, out of the blue. He often complains about the ‘naughty’ kid at school so I explained that this child’s brain might just work a little differently, or that maybe his home life is a bit stressful. DS told me that this child lived with his Grandma so we talked about it all and ended up discussing all the different family situations that people could be in (including not having enough money or having not very nice parents), as well as how important it is to show compassion for children who act up or behave differently in class.

Glad we had the conversation, but I wouldn’t have thought to bring it up myself tbh.

DS2's first "wedding" was a same sex civil partnership. There are a couple of extended family members that have same sex relationships. Things occasionally come up on the news and I've explained that most people love people from the opposite sex and some people love people of the same sex. DS2 has classmates from same sex-parents.

They also know that some children live with one parent or between both.

It's no big deal to them, it's just people being individuals. We're a traditional 2 child, married, opposite sex parent family, but my family background was more complex and my DCs accept that easily.

The only issue I've really had with an unusual family set up was as a teenager in the 90s when some knobby classmates thought they'd take issue with it. As a younger child it wasn't an issue, and as an adult, people tend to cope with it.

Never had a sit down pre planned converstaion about it but as situations arise weve discussed things. So we met a little girl at the park the other day who had two daddies and my 5yr old asked how that could be as you need a mummy to grow a baby so we discussed in an age appropriate way how two men who love each other can become daddies.

Yep. Our son came to us via adoption so we became a family via a less common route.

We bought The Family Book by Todd Parr and was read to him regularly when he was little. It’s a lovely book and talks about how families are all unique in their own ways.

Only if they ask me. Otherwise no

It's tricky. I'm an adoptive mother of twins and we are in a conservative village. Everyone naturally knows the twins are adopted but it not make a deal does make my skin crawl thinking we are likely the one non normative case study locally. I'd also not want people treating the twins 'kindly' because of it. Feels somewhat patronising though well meant. Surely we just all rub along and not make a big deal of how love forms a family?

It’s come up in conversation (eg a child with two mums at DD’s nursery) or in a book. I don’t actively bring it up. I don’t think it’s that important.

But if you are from a non-traditional family then you do have to do a lot of explaining anyway because the norm very much is heterosexual married families. It makes sense that non-traditional families have more conversations about the subject because it comes up more. (I am from a non-traditional family and now live in a 2.4 kids married one fyi).

My dc have friends from all kinds of families. Divorced week-to-week ones, two mummies, adopted, step parents families, multicultural ones.. No need to have an actual conversation. It just is.

I think it crops up in everyday life. One of my son's is adopted. This year there was a same sex marriage in the family which the children came to. Some of their friends at school are from single parent families. We talk about it as it pops up.

We have same sex couples and adopted members of family and family with severe.mh issues so ds is exposed to different types of families, however we don't make a huge thing of it as it is totally normal.