If you are a mum/dad family, do you actively talk to your children about different ‘types’ of families?

[Family87]

Do you spend time talking to your children about families that are different to your own- same sex families, adopted children, single parent families etc etc?
do you think your children have the idea that their family is the ‘right’ or ‘normal’ family?

Not explicitly for no reason. But if circumstances arise where a family set up that's different to ours crops up we might. So my kids have grown up knowing about step families, same sex parent families etc because they are family units we've come across

We do and we bought a book on it too. We have a diverse group of friends with adopted babies, a few same sex marriages, some unique family combinations etc . My kids are 2 and 3. I have no clue what they understand.

No, I don't actively talk about it, but we just have normal conversations as things come up.

Yes. DD is 6 and it has come up in conversation several times. I think one of the times she asked if she could marry her best friend (girl) and I said yes, if she still wanted to when she was an adult and her friend wanted to as well. Though in general I try to tell her that marriage is something she should only do when she's much, much older and has known someone for ages but that's another thread 😁

We also have a book that she used to love that talks about all kinds of different families. It mentions same sex parents, single parents, kids living with their grandparents or adoptive parents, etc. It's quite nice actually. Whz do you ask..

We don’t actively but DD (year 1) announced to me a few weeks ago that her friend at school has 2 dads and no moms and that another one had a step-dad, so she’s aware everyone’s family isn’t the same just from being at school really. She did seem quite surprised but within our family and friends there’s only straight married couples with 2/3 kids so I suppose she saw that as ‘normal’. It’s only reading this that it’s really occurred to me that she’s never known a different type of family set up. There’s no divorced couples in the family either so I suppose she doesn’t really know any different and it’s never really come up in conversation to discuss it.

Not actively no. They just live around a variety of different people in their day to day life. We have friends and family that are Muslim, Sikh, Christian etc. We're a mixed race family. They attended the wedding of two close female friends of ours and didn't ask any questions, it was just a normal wedding to them as it should be. They have friends with blended or single parent families. If they have any questions they get honest answers but generally they just live in diversity and accept it as it is 🤷‍♀️

I actually don't think I have spoken to my daughters about it. They see different family structures around them and just accept whatever they are.

But thinking back I was in primary and a friend lived with her grandad - I remember I never questioned it, that was just who she lived with.

How on earth is it not appropriate for any age? Some children have a mummy and a daddy, some have just one parent, some have two mummies, others have two daddies, some children are fostered or adopted...nothing remotely unsavoury or salacious here!

I haven’t explicitly, no. I think unless you live under a rock surely there’s no need to sit down and do ‘a talk’ about it? DCs will have friends with other family set ups, read books/watch tv shows with various family set ups etc.

I haven't explicitly sat down and given them a "talk", but the books we've read, our own families and friends, the television they've watched, their nursery pals, their school pals - diversity in what makes a family and relationships in general has always been around them.

I guess the "where babies come from chat" probably prompted questions along the way which will have been answered as they arose.

So yes, both my children comfortable with the concept of family which can take lots of forms.

Yes I do - children 5 and 7yo. Tbh it comes up quite naturally as we have friends who are lesbians who are married and have children. Single parents, step parents, step grandparents, widows, single people married couple who don't have children.

That extends to other lifestyles people poorer than us, richer than us, people who have disabilities or come from different cultures/ have different religions.

Then that leads onto how things were different in the past - women's rights, segregation etc.

Their questions keep coming so the age appropriate answers do too. They might come up at the dinner table from topics at school or out and about.

It's one of the most interesting parts of parenting as your child gets older I think- learning about the world.

Those who don't talk about these things - do their kid's not ask the questions or do they avoid answering? I'm curious.

No, it’s never come up, but they have a uncle who is married to a man (to whom they were escorts at the ceremony), a sister who is living as a man, a friend at school who has two daddies, and several blended families in our family. They’ve never asked me about any of it.

Yes we have had this conversation. It cropped up naturally as my ds had a friend in nursery who had two mums and also our neighbour is a single dad. There are lots of good books which talk about different types of families which we have also used to explain that all families are different.

Absolutely and of course we do. As do their school.
In the same way we talk about other cultures, religions, traditions.
It would be weird not to

Errr would never describe a family set up as right or wrong. Baiting?

What's the back story?

Explained as it comes up in conversation,they know as well that two men or two women can't have a child together,but there always needs to be a member of the opposite sex involved. So no confusion now about two daddies or two mummies

Yes, definitely!
It comes up a lot because of the diverse family units of the kids in school or class.
Its always a lovely conversation actually. Brings up lots of questions and discussions.

It’s important to me that my kids have a good awareness of diversity in the world. I think it makes it natural and everyday iyswim.

We are a heterosexual married couple with 2 kids btw.

I have a 4.5 year old and it's come up a few times, we also have uncles who are divorced now and he asks if he can have a 'second mummy' as well! (Step mum)

Surely they know lots of different family types so know anyway, mine did

Never really needed to they have aunties in a gay relationship with adopted children, close friends in a heterosexual relationship with one bio child one adopted child. They have friends who have step parents or single parents or are raised by grandparents. There are children with disabilities in our family so they don’t need to be told that there are other families than a nuclear one 🤷‍♀️

It's more of an everyday thing at the moment, but DS only just started reception so not really much to talk about yet. A has two mummies, so we confirmed that some families have two mums and some have two dads, but they are just parents the same as us. B and C have separated parents, which has caused lots of questions about why B's daddy only comes to see him every now and then, or why C's got two homes now. D has two mummies AND two daddies because he was adopted, and I'm not sure the full details were taken in when D talked it over in school because he thought there were two Ds as well, it took some unpicking. I don't think it makes sense to cover other structures he hasn't come across yet, because it would be too confusing without some sort of reference.

Is this for a school / college essay or are you trying to write a magazine article ?

Not trying to bait at all hence the ‘right’ and ‘normal’ being wrote that way.
im actually a gay single mum by choice so in no way do I think there is such thing as a ‘normal’ family.
I just wonder if children equate something being most common and most typical as being the ‘right’ way. And I wonder for those children in the typical nuclear family if their parents try to combat this thinking by explicitly talking about it to their children which would hopefully in turn make the world more inclusive

No, I never had a reason to.

No