If you are a mum/dad family, do you actively talk to your children about different ‘types’ of families?

[Family87]

Do you spend time talking to your children about families that are different to your own- same sex families, adopted children, single parent families etc etc?
do you think your children have the idea that their family is the ‘right’ or ‘normal’ family?

I have never sat mine down to talk about it, but they have come across lots of different types of families through friends and we have talked about them then.

Yep absolutely! Very important as we're a straight 2 children, 2 adults, married family we are the same demographic.
My kids are grown up now but I ever had to give them a ‘talk’. They could see of themselves. I live in a multi cultural area so the kids had/ have friends from different backgrounds whose families welcome them into their home and they came to ours. Ds2 son’ godfather is a married gay man. The woman I go skiing with is a married lesbian with three children. My closest friend is single parent. These friends have been in our live before the children were born so it normal for them.

From a financial point of view, we weren’t the wealthiest in the group but we weren’t the poorest so the children knew I couldn’t afford everything some if their friends had but also they were better off than others.

The good think is 10 plus years after they’ve left school the friends are all still in touch.

No. Me and their dad share care, we have same sex parents as both friends and family, 2.4 hetro family and friends, and lone parent friends and family. They see it naturally. It would puzzle me if I needed to explain it. Explaining societal issues and dislike of these different family variations was the bit I bothered with and found tricky...

I also use the word ‘probable’ rather than normal when discussing gay marriage - so my 7 year old said that he’d marry a girl as that was more normal, but I corrected him and said most people are attracted to the opposite sex so that’s what would probably happen but all options were normal.

Yes because our social circle/family has blended families with step children, same sex parents, divorced, adopted, large families with 6 children, only children etc it is not something we have ever waited for an opportune moment to discuss we pointed it out otherwise you could be waiting forever.

My own children suddenly wondered why we have Auntie X and Auntie Y and surely Auntie Y should be Uncle Y. Nothing to do with sex, just that they thought siblings (me and Dh only have sisters, no brothers) had the title of Auntie and the partners are all Uncles, except the same sex couple. We explained Auntie is female and Uncle is male.

Even down to living with Grandparents like Neville Longbottom in Harry Potter. There are also posters in primary school in upper KS2 that say Mum + Dad = love, Mum plus step Dad = love, Dad + boyfriend = love and names all of them that way. Books are a great way to introduce different family dynamics to normalise any family set up.

Yes. We also read “The Great Big Book of Families” by Mary Hoffman, which goes through all sorts of different families.

At the end it asks, “What’s your family like?”

…”Annoying” according to DD.

Only mentioned it off hand. Hasn’t really been discussed. They know everyone is different and families are different. Only time he’s mentioned it bri by different is when he was told that “everyone has to write a Mother’s Day card”. Was thrown back in DH face as his mum is dead and he has friends with two dads and no mum. Kids don’t think any set up out of the ordinary is good or bad unless it’s presented to them in that way.

We did, usually if child brought it up or something sparked their interest. We talked about everything, still do.

Yeah, we’ve not had a “big talk” as that would feel weird, but we’ve chatted bits here and there- we had a book called “Love Makes a Family” which featured lots of different types of family, two mums, kids living with grandparents etc.

Mine are adults now but when they were younger we didn't have a discussion as such, but I come from a family with lots of divorces, step parents, step grandparents etc so they picked it up.

No, but she’s surrounded by different types of family and accepts that families are all different.

Yes! I even invested in a few child friendly books all about families and different ways babies can be conceived etc they are lovely and my dc love them.

Only if it comes up, but DC’s teacher (lady) has a wife, one of my best friend is a woman with a wife and kids, several kids in the school have blended families. I feel like it’s covered enough.

We've sort of had it: more like, 'when you're grown up and if you meet a woman or a man you love ...

I'm a single parent and I've had those conversations in relation to other children's living situations (two mums, divorced and remarried parents, step-siblings and half siblings who are sometimes there and sometimes not).

I think it is important, when most books and TV shows families with a mother, father and two children. My DS has had a friend insist to him that he can't live in a house with just his mother, because every house has a father too.

Yes my children are very aware of different types of families. We are very age appropriate open and honest with them.
I am glad my children are growing up in more open-minded times.
My children know families come in all different forms, so no they don’t think ours is the only way to be.

It seems to come up semi regularly. Some of my 6 year olds class mates have 1 parent, I think 1 seems to live in foster care, although I'm not sure. My son seems to be aware that men can marry men, so perhaps that's come up at school at some point?

We discuss it as and when he brings it up. I don't deliver scheduled seminars on it all though. I think it's best to keep it low key and not make a big deal about it, because it's not a big deal.

Yes we do quite often. Anout how family make up is different wnd also about how people are all different (skin colour, age, weight, disability)

We never make a big deal of it, it's important that they respect people whoever they are.

Yup, my eldest is loudly observant at inopportune moments so we have had many conversations about how some families have two mummies or two daddies, some families only have one of either.

We've had to have a chat about how James and Ava live with their Nanny because their Mummy and Daddy can't look after them at the moment. I told them that I did the samevwhen I was very little too.

The only one I struggled with was trans, because there's so much controversy and I've not fully formulated my own opinions and beliefs yet. I was a bit on the spot and just said that some boys choose to live as girls and some girls choose to live as boys when they're grown up. Hopefully that covered it with enough depth for a 5 year old!

Yes, alternative family set up so we have kids' books about different families. When I was a child I remember we read stories about different kinds of families as well.

‘Actively’? Maybe not.
When it comes up - friends, tv etc- we discuss it.
They both have friends from families that are less traditional than ours. Do they consider us the norm?? No idea! Probably, humans usually see their ‘normal’ as the one!!

Yes, lo is 7. Knows about gay couples, straight couples, adoption, divorce, single parents etc... we've got examples of pretty much all of those in my family anyway so they can see for themselves the different family set ups people have.

Yes as it comes up. We make passing reference to all sorts of families being different and normal. Our next door neighbours are a married (male) couple with a toddler. A girl in my daughter's ballet class has two mums. Quite a few friends are divorced and the kids friends have two homes and one or two step parents, step siblings, half siblings. All those families are normal and that's what we gently instil. My kids' dad was married before me, though no kids, and we've always made sure the kids were aware but not discussed it in detail. I just didn't want them to find out later and wonder why we'd hidden the "secret". Likewise that we had a stillborn baby in between our two. We don't dwell on it in a miserable way but more a matter of fact, this happened and its the history of our family. Sad things happen sometimes and that's normal.

Absolutely not. It's far from age appropriate and completely unnecessary.

As a child i had friends who were from single families and others brought up by grandparents and some just had working mums that I never met.

It wasn't a thing then and it's just being made into a big thing now.

I’m a married with two kids family. I’ve never sat them down for a lecture but different sorts of families come up. They have friends who are from single parent families, separated and blended families, have same sex parents. I come from a single parent family and they have cousins whose parents are divorced and an uncle in a polyamorous relationship. Also, one of my best friends is adopted and they know about her and her recent adventures (as she phrases it) reuniting with her birth mother.

So they are well aware of many different sorts of families. When I talk about the future I try to make sure I don’t default to assuming they’ll be attracted to someone of the opposite sex or end up married with children because I don’t want to hedge in their world view like that. But I don’t, for instance, correct them if they ask what someone’s mum and dad do before they know if that person has a mum and dad.