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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DP won't help with nursery bills

409 replies

Sarahlll · 03/12/2022 12:51

I'm due to go back to work in the new year after maternity leave and my DP of 4 years has just told me that he doesn't see why he should help pay the nursery fees as it's my decision to return to work. AIBU in thinking that this is incredibly unfair?

OP posts:
Original poster
Sarahlll · 03/12/2022 12:57

The plan has always been for our child to go to nursery once my maternity leave ended, it's only now that we're a month away he's decided that he doesn't see why he should contribute towards the nursery fees as if I didn't return to work then there wouldn't be a bill to pay!

OP posts:
luxxlisbon · 03/12/2022 12:57

he doesn't see why he should help pay the nursery fees as it's my decision to return to work. AIBU in thinking that this is incredibly unfair?

Well obviously you aren’t being unreasonable.
How does he expect half the bills to be paid if you don’t work?

Why isn’t it his responsibility to pay nursery since it’s his decision to go back to work too?

honeylulu · 03/12/2022 12:58

Reduce your contribution to the bills and mortgage by the cost of nursery (and make sure the proportion is in line with your respective earnings).The effect will still be the same - proportionately shared joint expenses. He can gripe about it but tough. If he's going to be an arse about the expenses associated with your JOINT child, then he deserves a taste of his own medicine.

Kitcaterpillar · 03/12/2022 12:58

He can look after him half the week then, I guess, if he doesn't want to pay for nursery those days 🤷🏼‍♀️

Triffid1 · 03/12/2022 12:59

Sarahlll · 03/12/2022 12:57

The plan has always been for our child to go to nursery once my maternity leave ended, it's only now that we're a month away he's decided that he doesn't see why he should contribute towards the nursery fees as if I didn't return to work then there wouldn't be a bill to pay!

Have you pointed out that if you don't return to work he will be paying all the household bills?! I mean, surely he's not this dumb?

OurChristmasMiracle · 03/12/2022 12:59

But if you don’t return to work ALL bills would fall to him to pay because you will have no income? Has he considered that? Has he considered your career or mental well being?

crussont · 03/12/2022 12:59

Sarahlll · 03/12/2022 12:57

The plan has always been for our child to go to nursery once my maternity leave ended, it's only now that we're a month away he's decided that he doesn't see why he should contribute towards the nursery fees as if I didn't return to work then there wouldn't be a bill to pay!

Maybe he should quit his job?

What an abusive idiot he is.

Justthisonce12 · 03/12/2022 12:59

Sarahlll · 03/12/2022 12:57

The plan has always been for our child to go to nursery once my maternity leave ended, it's only now that we're a month away he's decided that he doesn't see why he should contribute towards the nursery fees as if I didn't return to work then there wouldn't be a bill to pay!

Bug how does he propose youll cover your share of the other bills or is he offering to pay those ?

crussont · 03/12/2022 13:00

Is he planning on leaving you?

Itsabitnotcold · 03/12/2022 13:00

Why should you contribute? It was his decision to return to work.

Goes both ways. You both have a child. You both want to work. You both have to contribute to nursery fees.

ImAvingOops · 03/12/2022 13:00

This is LTB territory I'm afraid.

AnneTwackie · 03/12/2022 13:00

Is he not very bright?!

Original poster
Sarahlll · 03/12/2022 13:00

He has suggested that I will be entitled to benefits which would help contribute towards the household bills, and that on top of his wage would be enough to cover everything.

OP posts:
softpilllow · 03/12/2022 13:01

Sarahlll · 03/12/2022 13:00

He has suggested that I will be entitled to benefits which would help contribute towards the household bills, and that on top of his wage would be enough to cover everything.

Hahahahaha

Best thing you can do is leave and claim the benefits for you are your DC.

purplemunkey · 03/12/2022 13:01

Does he realise that if you stop working then he’ll be 100% liable for ALL the bills and family costs? He sounds pretty stupid.

Surely he can see two incomes and splitting the costs makes more sense?

SchrodingersKettle · 03/12/2022 13:01

Incredibly selfish and shortsighted of him. If you stay in work you will be getting pension and be much better placed when your child is at school to earn a good income.

I would be super firm and say you want a complete re-work of finances - you create a joint account and both your incomes go in there first and ALL bills come out of that pot. Then at the end, you get a split of what's left each month. You review income and outgoings together once a month.

If he says no, kick him out. He doesn't deserve the opportunity to be your DP if he won't contribute.

luxxlisbon · 03/12/2022 13:02

Sarahlll · 03/12/2022 13:00

He has suggested that I will be entitled to benefits which would help contribute towards the household bills, and that on top of his wage would be enough to cover everything.

Obviously it’s too late now but you’ve decided to have a child with a total moron.

Do you not life as a family?

If he works full time you likely will not be entitled to benefits because you chose to not work.

Justthisonce12 · 03/12/2022 13:02

I mean basically he doesnt see this child as his financial responsibility so if you leave him he’ll pay the bare minimum as it was then your decision to have a child, put-it in nursery then leave. To be blunt youre a-bit fucked. Dont havd another child with him

YetAnotherSpartacus · 03/12/2022 13:02

Tell him you are going back to work and that it's up to him to care for the child.

Ragruggers · 03/12/2022 13:03

Another useless father.Why are you with himand then put up with this awful man?

crussont · 03/12/2022 13:03

Sarahlll · 03/12/2022 13:00

He has suggested that I will be entitled to benefits which would help contribute towards the household bills, and that on top of his wage would be enough to cover everything.

Right

But you want to work

Original poster
Sarahlll · 03/12/2022 13:03

I've suggested a joint bank account for bills in the past and he refused.

I've been at my job for over 10 years, love it and have a very good pension. He knows all of this.

He's never been this selfish, and was great during my pregnancy. This appears to have come out of the blue!

OP posts:
Justthisonce12 · 03/12/2022 13:03

So its the tax payers and your job to provide for this child. Anyone’s but his. Wow.

BlueDiamondGlow · 03/12/2022 13:03

Sarahlll · 03/12/2022 13:00

He has suggested that I will be entitled to benefits which would help contribute towards the household bills, and that on top of his wage would be enough to cover everything.

If he earns a decent wage you won't - you might if he moves out though?

He's either selfish or stupid or both.

Is he thinking of leaving? How is he with his child? How is the relationship?

GrasstrackGirl · 03/12/2022 13:03

Sarahlll · 03/12/2022 13:00

He has suggested that I will be entitled to benefits which would help contribute towards the household bills, and that on top of his wage would be enough to cover everything.

He's wrong, why are these men so stupid?!

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