Family member wants presents for all the children

[Diorama1]

I have a family member that has 6 children. Every year she expects that she will buy for my 3 and I will buy for her 6. We have tried in the last few years to stop this but she is refuses.
We have suggested that we take the kids out for a special day near Christmas and make it a tradition to do this, or else but one larger family present.

The budget is about €10/15 per child. As they are getting older it is much more difficult to buy anything decent for this amount so I end up spending more. Every year we end up receiving and buying plastic tat for the children. Its a waste of money and so bad for the planet.
She is very much into Christmas and birthdays and thinks its very important to buy each child a present. I honestly cant think of a single present for them as they are just into computer games. They dont read, play board games, sports, etc.
I am at a loss, does anyone have any suggestions please?

I dont want to offend her, she is already pi**ed as us for forgetting one of her kids birthdays earlier this year so dont want to rock the boat anymore.

Giving unwanted gifts is tat - it doesn't matter if you think they are worthy, they cost energy and resources to produce and dispose of. They are a waste of the earth's resources if the recipient does not want them.

This reminds me of when my eldest sister decreed we would only be buying for the children - my siblings all have three or four children. I have none 😂 Needless to say I told her to fuck off and in her defence she backtracked pretty quickly.

Get kids £10 voucher each for cinema, argos etc

I think she should hand over a £10 and the kids can buy whatever would give them joy. Personally, I would stop the whole thing - gift giving is silly nonsense - but I get that not everyone agrees with me on that.

Did you miss all of my posts suggesting OP stops the present exchange?

I agree, stop the presents.

The single most crucial thing here that your relative is forgetting is how gifts work. The giver chooses to buy the gift, and the cost of it, and the item. The receiver does not get to demand. If you can’t afford it, then you get to decide what you can afford. You also get to decide if you don’t want to keep buying gifts indefinitely. It is outrageous that being kind enough to buy presents is causing you stress because the recipient is being demanding.

Another vote for money in a card or wrapped around some chocolate. Or the hamper idea for the 6 kids to share. Or a family day out.

I always liked getting money I could stash for something I really wanted.

You just need to tell her you're stopping this year.

Why can't you just do that?!

I was responding to the comment you made in reply to my comment - I'm not sufficiently invested in your comments to trail through this thread to find out what you really think on this subject. Nothing personal - but I don't care enough. I doubt you do either.

@Diorama1 your sister will only be spending £30 on your dc (as you have 3 and the budget is £10 each dc). Instead of spending £60-100 on gifts for her 6 dc, get them a sweet hamper. You can get them for £20 and they come in a wicker hamper too. I would probably spend a similar amount to what my sister was spending so if she’s spending £30 then so should you.

Let the kids do a secret santa.

£10 love to shop voucher each

No, it's quite fairly pointing out that OP is not flush for money and she is being expected to spend more than she really has - double what sister has to. It's a fair point and doesn't mean she doesn't love her nieces and nephews. Christmas is a really expensive time and not everyone is in the position to be able to show their love in monetary value, which is effectively what the sister is demanding each year.

Just say no. She might stamp her little foot but I’m sure it’ll pass.

Since it’s 3 against 6 I think the more fair thing to do is pick an amount that can be split equally. Why should you pay double? At £10/£15 each you’re looking at £60-£90 and she’s looking at £30-£45. No no no. I’d say £60 budget. Your kids get £20 gifts, her kids get £10 gifts. Maybe then she’ll realise she’s better off without gifts. Alternative start Amazon wish lists. She puts 6 times worth £10 each on there for each kid. You do the same for yours.

Could you turn it into a game with the kids where you do a secret santa type thing with all nine kids, half the budget with your relative and give each child an amount to buy a present for their cousin/sibling?

My brother has 4 children, I have 2. I spend £15 each on his (or give cash now they are older), he spends £30 each on mine. This wasn’t discussed or anything just what my brother decided to do so that we spend the same.

Get a games shop voucher or Amazon voucher for them

I wouldn't dream of not giving a gift to each child but it's up to me noone else to set my budget and the same is true for you

just tell her it’s not happening any more. You won’t be buying for hers, it’s too expensive and if she buys for yours then tough. She can’t just expect and demand, that’s not how the world works. She sounds like a self entitled brat, end it now.

Do we have the same sil lol.

Mine has 6 kids and she expects £10 each for them plus £20 each for adults (so she expects me to spend £100 on her family each year).

We have 1 ds and they give me and oh £10 each so at most they spend £25-30 on us.

Now they get a £50 voucher. I’ve been doing that for a while, this year we’ve got them a cinema voucher. Last year it was money for some Santa visit.

Have you heard yourself? Get down off that high horse of yours and into the real world.

I’m interested in what ages her kids are and yours

Once again I dont get this... you dont need 'permission' to spend your money how YOU want, her opinion on gifts doesnt matter.

If you want to buy a joint gift do it, thats for YOU to decide not her.