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Original poster

Cocaine - is this weird?

283 replies

Creamofthecrop12 · 02/12/2022 19:55

I'll start this with I'm a drugs virgin, don't take them and never have done.
But I do know people who have in their 20s typically and then stopped as they hit 30ish, children or not. They weren't prolific users: weekends only.
I've become friendly with a group of long-term friends (early 40s/late 40s) who seemingly have it all.
They're friendly, good, well-paid jobs, lovely children, nice homes etc. The kids seem well-cared for.
But - f* me - they LOVE drugs. And in a way I'm really uncomfortable with but if I raise will almost certainly see me ousted from the group (I know this happened to a person before me).
There's been multiple occasions on a weekly basis where the children (toddlers and newborns) are kept in the care of both parents at 'family-style' events in the early evening and mum and dad are both doing lines.
Or they are kept up very late while both parents are high.
They also take other class A drugs (not heroin) regularly and the dads will do coke 2/3 times a week - even in the days/weeks after the baby was born.
I think this is odd but I value their friendship.
I guess I'm looking for an objective point of view that this behaviour isn't the norm.
Thanks.

OP posts:
DandelionPockets · 02/12/2022 19:58

I don't understand how you could possibly want to be friends with people like that, why on earth did they have children.

HDready · 02/12/2022 19:59

I’m not a drugs virgin by any stretch, but I find it hard to equate children being well cared (as you say) for with your comment that they are kept up late whilst their parents are high. It is appalling behaviour around children. I wouldn’t tolerate this and would look elsewhere for friendship.

If this behaviour appeared on a tv show about working class families they would be vilified. The fact your friends have “well paid” jobs doesn’t make their poor parenting any more palatable.

bluejelly · 02/12/2022 20:00

I used to take plenty of class As in my 20s. Totally stopped when I became a parent and can't imagine doing it now, especially with children around. I think it's grim and very uncool.

Original poster
Creamofthecrop12 · 02/12/2022 20:02

Thank you. You're saying what I know.

OP posts:
MaggieFS · 02/12/2022 20:02

How do you know them and what do you value about their friendship?

I don't think it reflects well on you.

I think it's terrible. I know a few people who've dabbled in a variety of drugs but none who have engaged in it once they've had children.

georgarina · 02/12/2022 20:02

That sounds excessive and not normal. And I live in London and work in media.

Ladyintangerine · 02/12/2022 20:02

Please find yourself some new friends OP.

These people are risking their health and demonstrating some pretty poor parenting.

Severe medical complications can occur with cocaine use. Some of the most frequent are cardiovascular effects, including disturbances in heart rhythm and heart attacks; neurological effects, including headaches, seizures, strokes, and coma.

The combination of cocaine and heroin is also very dangerous. Users combine these drugs because the stimulating effects of cocaine are offset by the sedating effects of heroin; however, this can lead to taking a high dose of heroin without initially realizing it. Because cocaine's effects wear off sooner, this can lead to a heroin overdose, in which the user's respiration dangerously slows down or stops, possibly fatally.

Drug-taking is for idiots.

Merryoldgoat · 02/12/2022 20:02

You value their friendship but disagree with their core values. How on earth does that work?

Coralpop · 02/12/2022 20:02

bluejelly · 02/12/2022 20:00

I used to take plenty of class As in my 20s. Totally stopped when I became a parent and can't imagine doing it now, especially with children around. I think it's grim and very uncool.

This. I have got loads of different friends with whom I took drugs at school, uni and in my 20s. In our 40s now and nobody does - it would be pretty tragic.

TellMeWhere · 02/12/2022 20:04

I'd actively want to drop this bunch of friends.

If they had low paid/no jobs and lived in council flats would you be so keen to cling on? I think not.

They're a disgrace and if you keep endorsing it then you aren't much better yourself.

Well dressed kids from "naice" backgrounds can still be neglected.

tedgran · 02/12/2022 20:04

Do these people ever stop to think how their drugs got here, and the misery of the folk involved in this despicable trade?

theonlygirl · 02/12/2022 20:05

Yeah these people are dicks Just cos they have a nice house and professional type jobs doesn't excuse it. Find new friends. Poor kids.

Thepeopleversuswork · 02/12/2022 20:05

It’s not the norm but it’s more common than you might think.

I used to take loads of class A drugs, Haven’t done since my DD was born. I personally don’t think the lifestyles are compatible, the risks are too high and it’s a poor example to set children so it was a no brainer really.

There are people who think they make it work. I don’t think they do.

It’s your choice ultimately. They are not going to stop because you want them to and if you are new to the group they probably won’t thank you for airing your views.

You either tacitly tolerate it or you decide you can’t live with it.

Original poster
Creamofthecrop12 · 02/12/2022 20:05

It's fine. I agree with everything everyone is saying. Everyone is right. It's a weird place to be in when you're instincts are screaming NO but everyone else is saying "NAH, IT IS GREAT."

OP posts:
DontSpeakLatinInFrontOfTheBooks · 02/12/2022 20:06

Seeing as drugs are so important to them and you don’t partake, what is it about their friendship that you value? Not meaning to sound arsey, genuine question. Isn’t it boring for you, watching these people carry on like this? Not to mention the ethical side of things: using cocaine and what it entails for the people who are the part of the chain to supply them with it and what sounds like neglecting their young children.

I’d be giving that lot a swerve personally.

Justgorgeous · 02/12/2022 20:06

In my 50s and know of many people that do it but they are not my friends and I wouldn’t want them as friends either. I’m very anti drugs and alcohol too now. It changes people and not for the better.

beastlyslumber · 02/12/2022 20:06

I used to be friends with a group like this. They were good people in many ways, but they were totally into coke and other class A drugs. When kids came along, the partying didn't really stop. I don't think they made a lot of effort to keep their kids away from it and I wonder how it was for the little ones to deal with parents hungover and coming down from drugs after the weekend. I drifted apart from those friends when kids came along and life got more serious, but I stayed in touch with one woman, until I realised that she was still taking coke every weekend and cheating on her husband and having meltdowns because things were going wrong for her. I think all the partying caught up with her.

I think these people are addicts. Functional, for now, most of them. But I don't think it's a good way to raise kids.

middleofthelittle · 02/12/2022 20:07

I ended a friendship for this, she has two boys and every single time we went out she did coke. Tried to pressure me into it. She was fine after the first few lines and then would turn aggressive and vile at other people. I just stopped talking to her

Luredbyapomegranate · 02/12/2022 20:07

georgarina · 02/12/2022 20:02

That sounds excessive and not normal. And I live in London and work in media.

Yes same here.

Most people have long stopped at that age, and if they still do it occasionally it’s well away from the kids.

Original poster
Creamofthecrop12 · 02/12/2022 20:07

TellMeWhere · 02/12/2022 20:04

I'd actively want to drop this bunch of friends.

If they had low paid/no jobs and lived in council flats would you be so keen to cling on? I think not.

They're a disgrace and if you keep endorsing it then you aren't much better yourself.

Well dressed kids from "naice" backgrounds can still be neglected.

This and the ethical issues are all points I've wrestled with.

OP posts:
PipinwasAuntieMabelsdog · 02/12/2022 20:09

If they didn't have 'good, well-paid jobs, lovely children, nice homes etc' SS would be called in by someone....

middleofthelittle · 02/12/2022 20:09

Oh and to say we did it together as teens early 20's. I grew out of it, she didn't. So I'm not some massive anti drug person. I just think as adults you weigh up risks differently, and those risks don't matter to her like they do me.

PipinwasAuntieMabelsdog · 02/12/2022 20:09

I would call SS over this actually.

takealettermsjones · 02/12/2022 20:09

I was the kid up late while the adults were drunk/high. It sucks. I wish someone had called the police.

InSummertime · 02/12/2022 20:10

It’s not typical. These sorts of friends encourage each other and it ends it tears usually.

I don’t do drugs, never have and wouldn’t have them in my house never mind expose my children to them