Cocaine - is this weird?

[Creamofthecrop12]

I'll start this with I'm a drugs virgin, don't take them and never have done.
But I do know people who have in their 20s typically and then stopped as they hit 30ish, children or not. They weren't prolific users: weekends only.
I've become friendly with a group of long-term friends (early 40s/late 40s) who seemingly have it all.
They're friendly, good, well-paid jobs, lovely children, nice homes etc. The kids seem well-cared for.
But - f* me - they LOVE drugs. And in a way I'm really uncomfortable with but if I raise will almost certainly see me ousted from the group (I know this happened to a person before me).
There's been multiple occasions on a weekly basis where the children (toddlers and newborns) are kept in the care of both parents at 'family-style' events in the early evening and mum and dad are both doing lines.
Or they are kept up very late while both parents are high.
They also take other class A drugs (not heroin) regularly and the dads will do coke 2/3 times a week - even in the days/weeks after the baby was born.
I think this is odd but I value their friendship.
I guess I'm looking for an objective point of view that this behaviour isn't the norm.
Thanks.

Couldn’t have put it better myself

That doesn’t feel right. Honestly I’ve never done drugs but confess I hung out with some druggies in my younger years and on the surface they were very nice people which was why I tolerated them but I always had some really bad feelings around them and despite them being so nice drama always seemed to show up on their front door step. They were so good at explaining it all away and making the other person just seem like they were being so unreasonable and it was all just a huge misunderstanding!

I slowly got to know them more and it turned out they really weren’t that nice. They regularly cheated on their girlfriends and talked about their bodies in really terrible ways that I’m ashamed I tolerated longer than I should have. And they took videos without their consent and passed them around with each other while they were high. They were constantly trying to get me high too even though I really was not interested. Never understood why they couldn’t handle me being sober.

After I realized how awful they were I stopped being friends with them. They just seemed nice because of the drugs. They were numb to how they hurt the people around them. The drugs killed their empathy and humanity. Don’t fall for it.

As I said upthread, I have no knowledge of drug use at all. A couple of points of interest...

1. In Canada, pot was legalised about 3 years ago. The price was set absurdly high, $30 per gram, which works out to about £200 per ounce. There are a lot of pot shops around, but the illegal trade is flourishing too, I think. The legalising of growing/owning/using pot has completely normalised it, a mixed blessing, in my old-fashioned opinion.
2. In Vancouver (about 3000 miles from me, so I have no personal knowledge) there is much talk of "safe supply" of cocaine/heroin, which would at least (mostly) cut the dealers out of the supply chain, and improve the quality of the product.

oops, edit, the price of pot was $10 per gram, which has fluctuated a bit since legalisation. Medical patients currently pay $8.18 per gram.

I'm not anti-drug use generally (and pro certain things, to be honest) but doing it while caring for children is awful. These aren't good people.

Why do you want to stay in their group?

I have friends who are older, parents and in respectable jobs (teachers etc) who do coke. But it's occasionally rather than several times a week which seems very OTT! I used to enjoy drugs from time to time but can't be bothered with it all now, but so I don't judge them for it. It doesn't impact their children.

I think it is a very naive take to think it hasn’t and won’t impact them past present and future.

What a lot of people forget is ecstasy was a prescribed drug under another name for depression in earlier times.

Apart from the one line of speed I took at at party age 19 I never touched drugs and my DB and his mates were into them and so were my mates. I never smoked, touched weed etc but did drink. Up until age 24 I was as anti drugs as you could be. When I did take drugs yes it was to fit in but loads of respectable friends took Ecstasy. I didn’t like taking cocaine as it seemed a bit scummy but when you’re in your 20s having a laugh you think for a moment but then it passes out of your mind how it’s traded from third world countries.

But as I said before I did have fun for a few years going out clubbing and doing E.

I will say that there needs to be for more control/legalisation over drugs as my DB was “addicted” to weed, his dealer used to call round to my DM’s house and then to my DB’s flat for/with his order. Yet weed is seen as “acceptable”. I know a few men in their 20s and older, mostly working class who’ve ended up on heroin or worse, kids that in school were naughty but normal families. Now dead. And several people who got addicted to cocaine and needed help to get off it.

One memory of mine was when I was 18 back in late 80s, visiting a friend who’d had a baby and was housed on temp council accommodation. Her neighbour and friend were a couple, two nice people who were both heroine addicts and on methadone. Probably in their mid to late 20s. The woman had had a very strict policeman dad. They’d been trying for a baby but failed. She was lovely. I lost touch with them but I hope there was a happy ending for them both. Nothing worse than seeing 2 ex heroin addicts now on methadone but broken people.

But suppose they develop heart issues from coke?

Coke is seen by certain professions as “a treat” or “acceptable” when really it should be seen as nothing of the sort.

I had similar experiences when I went clubbing and took E. At first everyone’s your friend but you soon get users who tag onto eg someone who gets you into clubs for free or pays for you in clubs etc.

I noticed it most when my best friend developed bipolar or schizophrenia probably as a result of one too many LSD trips. My and her best friend and her boyfriend and the best friend’s boyfriend supported her as best as they could in mental hospitals but the boyfriend she lived with must’ve noticed signs of her mental illness. She took her own life at 33 which is way too young. You notice that lots of people distance themselves when shit gets real.

Please, think again. You aren't lonely, you have yourself, who you can rely on. Don't get involved with low life, believe me, drug users are unreliable, they'll lie and let you down.

Don't compromise just because you're lonely. Find different friend/s, raise your game, you don't need to mix with scum just because they're the only people you think are there.

This is similar to the group of friends I knew in my 20s. Only I don’t think the boys use sex workers…

They all seem to have successful businesses, inherited wealth in a lot of cases and it’s all a big laugh to them, their lives in their 20s taking drugs. I could reel off a list of professions and companies they’ve worked for and if you saw them now you’d have no idea! I don’t know if they’ve suffered health issues including mental health issues because I was so disgusted after my friend died (went to her funeral and we all had a meet up afterwards at a house/bar). A lot of them do lack morals, ethics etc though.

Really brought it back to me about 2-3 years ago when I was temping for a government department. One of my ex “friends” was standing in a queue next to me, I didn’t recognise him and rather than him say hello or introduce himself to me he looked at me sideways and laughed… making out that I hadn’t recognised him which was true. His manner was so nasty that I decided on recognising him not to acknowledge him. His wife, who runs a prestigious SW London nappy valley cake decorating business, was the sister of my best friend’s boyfriend and I know they both hated each other and the sister was equally despicable, only out for herself, lots of examples. To see her now,, butter wouldn’t melt. Just shows how much I don’t care that that’s potentially outing!

Lots of celebs including a certain morning tv presenter take coke fairly regularly but it’s normalised for them.

They are not good people and their children are not their priority.

I'd be finding a different group of friends (i know that's easier said than done) and I certainly wouldn't be socialising with them while children were present.

One day the shit will hit the fan and I wouldn't want to be anywhere near it.

Maybe it doesn't impact their children (or maybe it does) but what about all the other children impacted in the world because your druggie friends buy Cocaine.

This is very weird. I know quite a few people that do/have done drugs. None of them would ever, ever touch any unless their children were being looked after at another location (so either the kids or parents were staying somewhere else).

I also think of all the drugs, cocaine is the one that makes people an absolute bore. I can't think of anything worse than hanging out with a bunch of irresponsible idiots high on coke when you're not. That's before we even get started on the ethics of the drug trade...

I'm not coming from a puritanical anti-drugs stance. I tried most drugs in my 20s, and had a lot of fun in clubs and at house parties. I think all drugs should be legalised. But your friends sound like they never grew up and are just a bit sad. Not to mention terrible parents.

diffandproud · Yesterday 21:33
I wonder if all of you here are disgusted by the amount of alcohol that people
Take in front of kids. Having alcohol in the home, attending functions and parties with children where alcohol is flowing. Alcohol
Is one of the main reasons for domestic abuse, why people refer to someone as a druggy who takes a line or two it yet wouldn't call yourself an alcho when u have A few drinks at the weekend.

I'm, also not a drug virgin but havnt taken them since my twenties but I would view alcohol worse. I know plenty of people in their 40s/50s who take coke recreational and they are def not people who I would refer to as druggies...they are lovely people, well functioning, holding down jobs, have always provided for the kids..not everyone who takes a line or two becomes dependent to the point they can't function...not everyone becomes an addict,some people can actually go out and use their drug of choice and leave it there and continue on in life..
Like alcohol, if u choose to consume it, you must have adequate childcare provided but people don't seem to do that when drinking alcohol around kids, it seems more acceptable...you are all very judgemental and naive if u think that it's worse to take cocaine over alcohol..
And thinking about it..any time I have ever witnessed inappropriate behaviour or violence..has always being alcohol related, don't think i have ever seen an aggressive person on coke where I have seen plenty of alcohol related aggression..people, like those on this thread, love to bash others for their choices as it makes them feel better about their own poor choices but at end of the day, taking coke while around children is no worse than drinking alcohol around them

I personally stopped drinking when I had kids, but this isn’t acceptable either. If parents/caters want to drink then it should only ever be one of them at a time and never if they’re in sole care of their child. I know way too many parents who puts their kids to bed then have bottles of wine, putting their reaction times slower or rendering them unable to drive should an emergency arise.

At least One person must always be sober and alert and in care of the children.

garlictwist · Today 04:48
I have friends who are older, parents and in respectable jobs (teachers etc) who do coke. But it's occasionally rather than several times a week which seems very OTT! I used to enjoy drugs from time to time but can't be bothered with it all now, but so I don't judge them for it. It doesn't impact their children.

@garlictwist Have you read the thread where people who were those children have said how affected they were? One person said she wished someone had called the police, another said her aunt died in front of her. How do you know it doesn’t impact the children? Will it impact the children of one of their parents has a heart attack? Or an accident? Or goes to jail?

This sort of attempt at normalising this shitty behaviour is part of the problem. Their children ARE impacted and the parents ARE selfish wankers, no matter what jobs they hold.

I feel so sorry for children in this scenario and it is worrying there are so many people who write that this does nothing to children.

I think cocaine is worse then alcohol, but not that much. Christmas topic is full of parents who talk about starting drinking at 7 am on christmas morning and explaining how their children are happy with them being drunk all day (not in those exact words but there is a lot of talk about fun drunk parents).

From my personal experience their children are not happy and they would do everything if they could persuade their parents to stay sober that day. Or any other day for that matter.

You are arguing that coke is fine because it should be legal. In the society we live in using coke is supporting illegal activity. If you use illegal drugs, you are contributing to prostitution, human trafficking, gang wars and the criminal world. You are kidding yourself to think otherwise. Tell yourself its fine because it should be legal. You are in either denial or drug induced brain fog

I don’t take drugs. But well done for trying to win a debate by throwing that in. Clever

@Jewel7 alcohol induced cardiomyopathy is one of the most common problems with drinking. It’s dreadful for your heart

Amongst Dp's social circle it's prevalent, I know his two closest friends are now taking coke during the day just to function. The wider group will buy coke in addition to socializing. They both own businesses. Dp laments their fall into using drugs as a way of life, he's distanced himself from the group as much as possible.
Even a trip to the pub to watch football includes the guys sniffing keys.🤔

Does any single person taking an illegal drug say to themselves.. ' this is not legal'.. I won't do it ? No they don't . The only thing it does is to create an illegal market to exploit.

I think there are probably a lot of people who don't ever take them because they are illegal. There will always be some people who won't take them, legal or not, just as there are those who don't drink alcohol. And we know prohibition doesn't remove the market, either. But I suspect it does limit it. My mother got off heroin in the '60s, and while she had many years without alcohol, she always ended up back on it in the end, and I suspect a lot if that was in part because she could get a bottle in Tesco when she went to pick up a leaf of bread, and eventually, it killed her, even though she was dry at that point. Alcohol being legal doesn't stop its problematic effects, and nor would legalisation of other drugs ,but I think less easy access does limit the numbers.

Whether it being legal would remove all the other ethical issues around its supply, I don't know. We can grow opium here (there are a limited number.ber of licensed growers in the UK for medical opium,) but I don't know about coca, and I am sure existing growers would still find ways to undercut the market, because I can't imagine them turning round and saying, yeah, no, that's fine, it's all legal now, so we're just going to comply with all the employment and tax legislation and so and go legit. In any case, I can't see any government going for it, as they'd lose reelection because of it, because it's such an emotive subject.

Anyway, none of that is really going to help the OP, but I think she's already knows what is her best course here.

@EBearhug this is exactly how I feel about legalised drugs.

If I do my weekly shop I see so many people putting several bottles of wine into their trolleys. It's as easy as buying bread or cake so why nor? Many people are mildly addicted if not alcoholic so it baffles me why we still continue to have aisles of alcohol.

If drugs were more accessible we'd no doubt see an increase in addiction.

I went to a rough comp and many of the people there started on poppers and pot and when this failed to give them what they wanted they moved to coke and heroin.

It was nothing to do with them being rebellious and getting a thrill from it. They were addicted, a totally separate thing. Experimentation and peer pressure led to a life time of addiction and poverty for a lot.

@DuckWalkedUpToALemonadeStand I suggest watching the channel 4 documentary Britain’s Child Drug Runners. Might no longer be available on C4 but from a quick Google I found it online on True Vision. I’ve never forgotten it. There’s also the 2019 film called County Lines.

As for those saying it doesn’t affect their kids as they’re always being looked after or whatever, maybe read again the personal reflections from those who grew up with user parents. And in any case, my observation has got to be that if you know about the disgusting trade you’re being part of, and yes county lines, and carry on regardless whether or not regularly or occasionally, you must not care as these are Other Children. Not Your Children. And the whataboutery regarding other trade ethics, is always brought up to try to defend it. Two wrongs don’t make a right on that one.