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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Cocaine - is this weird?

283 replies

Creamofthecrop12 · 02/12/2022 19:55

I'll start this with I'm a drugs virgin, don't take them and never have done.
But I do know people who have in their 20s typically and then stopped as they hit 30ish, children or not. They weren't prolific users: weekends only.
I've become friendly with a group of long-term friends (early 40s/late 40s) who seemingly have it all.
They're friendly, good, well-paid jobs, lovely children, nice homes etc. The kids seem well-cared for.
But - f* me - they LOVE drugs. And in a way I'm really uncomfortable with but if I raise will almost certainly see me ousted from the group (I know this happened to a person before me).
There's been multiple occasions on a weekly basis where the children (toddlers and newborns) are kept in the care of both parents at 'family-style' events in the early evening and mum and dad are both doing lines.
Or they are kept up very late while both parents are high.
They also take other class A drugs (not heroin) regularly and the dads will do coke 2/3 times a week - even in the days/weeks after the baby was born.
I think this is odd but I value their friendship.
I guess I'm looking for an objective point of view that this behaviour isn't the norm.
Thanks.

OP posts:
DarkKarmaIlama · 02/12/2022 20:52

I guess they can always put their kids into boarding school. The higher classes’ version of social care!

femfemlicious · 02/12/2022 20:52

It seems you take drugs as well but less than them?. Otherwise why are they so comfortable letting you know about their drug use?

PollyAmour · 02/12/2022 20:52

Find new friends. Substance users are not generally decent people, even if they live in nice houses and hold down good jobs (for now). Get shot of them.

elm26 · 02/12/2022 20:53

I watched my aunt die on the floor aged 9 with blood running out of her nose due to a cocaine induced heart attack.

I don't understand why people do it and never will. My Mum was an addict and I've never touched them.

I'm 15 weeks pregnant and the thought of leaving my baby motherless breaks me. Luckily my partner has never touched them either.

Courgettecity · 02/12/2022 20:54

I work in a boarding school. So many of the parents take class A. Had one lad upset just yesterday as he'd forgotten to ring his mum early because, 'she'll be drunk now, so I can't ring her'. She's not drunk as alcohol has calories, but she will be high as a fucking kite come 8pm. They are such absent parents, and us staff stand there watching it all, parents think they're amazing as think kids don't know, kids may not realise it's coke ATM but they definitely know they're not the priority. Even had one parent at a school event tell me she'd get me coke as so much better than alcohol, I don't need the calories, (I'm fat). It's a way of life for a certain section of society.

Terven · 02/12/2022 20:55

Turn them in, vile people. The children shouldn’t live like that. Why do you want them as friends??

neurosensitive · 02/12/2022 20:57

I have never taken illegal drugs. These people would have their kids taken away from them if they weren't middle class and I wouldn't be friends with people like this.

Original poster
Creamofthecrop12 · 02/12/2022 20:57

femfemlicious · 02/12/2022 20:52

It seems you take drugs as well but less than them?. Otherwise why are they so comfortable letting you know about their drug use?

No, like I said, I've never taken any. I think they don't think it's a big deal.

OP posts:
Mezmer · 02/12/2022 20:57

I have friends like that too. It’s annoying as they are partying harder in their 50s than their 20s and it’s NOT sociable it’s fake.

oakleaffy · 02/12/2022 20:58

OCDmama · 02/12/2022 20:43

These aren't good people. At all.

Aside from what is actual child abuse, and you should be calling SS over (taking coke while looking after children what the actual fuck), there will be many deaths associated with every single minute bit of drug they take. They're happy to live with the blood of people poorer than themselves on their hands.

THIS.
The Coke {And presumably heroin} world is unpleasant and extremely violent at source.

Wheatandchaffinch · 02/12/2022 20:58

Are you going to report them OP?

Whityedain · 02/12/2022 20:58

Not just their children but many more children are hurt when you buy and use cocaine.
I live rurally in a very beautiful village and we now have county lines issues. Main customers being middle class white folk.
I've used it myself and on two occasions on my nights off from my children in 7 years (I didn't have to look after them the following day either) I agree that it's a shitty thing to do and the guilt afterwards far outweighed the fun at the time.

I consider myself a pretty crap parent at times but I draw the line completely at doing drugs whilst looking after them. Saying that, I don't even drink when I'm with them in case I have to drive somewhere in an emergency.

I also think being hammered is also totally irresponsible.

Whichwhatnow · 02/12/2022 20:59

Could be worse OP. Where I used to live, the ketamine scene is really big (and very much out in the open in pubs/gigs/in parks etc). And now that all the younger k-heads are reaching their 30s and 40s a lot have kids. I'm not sure what's more gross, seeing women stumbling around with their babies/toddlers and a very obvious polo around their nostril, or seeing slightly older people passing the lines to their mid-teen kids trying to be the 'cool' parent. Both a very regular occurrence around there unfortunately.

If you're not comfortable with it then leave the group. I actually moved house to get away from the whole ketamine scene.

Ludo19 · 02/12/2022 21:00

In my experience coke heads are arseholes.

Find new friends

DarkKarmaIlama · 02/12/2022 21:00

@Courgettecity

I am pretty sure they know they’re not a priority being shipped off to boarding school. Definitely the posh version of a local authority children’s home. Even worse to some degree as the parents think they’re great.

NewtoHolland · 02/12/2022 21:01

The trouble is coke long term often makes people really really aggy, and paranoid ....and in some cases psychotic.
Not great for parenting. I'd distance yourself.

TomTraubertsBlues · 02/12/2022 21:01

I'm not a drugs virgin by any measure, but what you describe isn't normal among the people I know.

Most people I hang around with haven't had more than the odd spliff once they hit middle age.

Original poster
Creamofthecrop12 · 02/12/2022 21:01

Honestly, I don't know.

OP posts:
SirGawain · 02/12/2022 21:01

I can't imagine why you would be worried about being thrown out of the group. I wouldn't want to have anything to do with such people.

WhirlyTwirly · 02/12/2022 21:01

Courgettecity · 02/12/2022 20:54

I work in a boarding school. So many of the parents take class A. Had one lad upset just yesterday as he'd forgotten to ring his mum early because, 'she'll be drunk now, so I can't ring her'. She's not drunk as alcohol has calories, but she will be high as a fucking kite come 8pm. They are such absent parents, and us staff stand there watching it all, parents think they're amazing as think kids don't know, kids may not realise it's coke ATM but they definitely know they're not the priority. Even had one parent at a school event tell me she'd get me coke as so much better than alcohol, I don't need the calories, (I'm fat). It's a way of life for a certain section of society.

This is so sad 😞

OP you should definitely report this to SS. I’d also speak to the safeguarding lead at the children’s schools/nurseries, that way they can watch out for any problems.

Loics · 02/12/2022 21:02

I've never taken drugs, neither have 99.9% of people I know. I think it's sad that people take them to have a good time.
Only known one person to take cocaine (friend of an ex) and I don't think he knew how much of an irritating twat he was when he took it.

yentirb · 02/12/2022 21:02

Vile behaviour as a parent (and imo, vile without being a parent to)

TooManyPlatesInMotion · 02/12/2022 21:03

It is not acceptable. Of course not. And i am definitely no drugs virgin. You just cannot and should not take drugs with kids in the house. Imagine if one of the kids found their stash? It doesn't bear thinking about.

Lifeomars · 02/12/2022 21:03

I have always been partial to drink and drugs and have taken most things apart from heroin. Never, ever would I use drugs while having care and responsibility for young children.

Original poster
Creamofthecrop12 · 02/12/2022 21:04

Re being thrown out. I know our sounds embarrassing and I know I'm going to have to bite the bullet (everyone is right) but drug-use aside I do like them (I know that sounds strang but I think the two can co-exist) and I've been pretty lonely of late so was pleased to have friends.

OP posts: