Cancelling our attendance to party because money is tight

[TheQueenOfHearts]

I feel a bit bad as I convinced my husband we should cancel our plans to attend a friend's dinner party tomorrow night.
We found out yesterday it was in an expensive restaurant with a set menu of £70 pp (no booze included), and would also have to pay a babysitter so about £60 on top.
DH was made redundant a few weeks ago and in spite of us having some money to get us going for a few months, I don't think it's reasonable to spend so much for a dinner right now...
AIBU? Should we have gone anyway?

I understand you not being able to afford to go to this dinner party. Times are tough for many atm and your husband being made redundant makes it more difficult.

You could make an excuse, eg child ill or something (I'm not advocating telling a lie, it is just a suggestion), or be honest with friend.

There will be occasions in the future which you will be able to afford.

The deposit is way less than it would cost to attend!

Cut your cloth

Because generally if it's a big group in a decent restaurant, the host would have had to pay a deposit. So any drop outs would cost the host.
Op says she will reimburse this though so that's a positive.

I wouldn't go either.. money can only stretch so far.

Of course, it wouldn't occur to me not to compensate.
I feel sorry and shitty not being able to attend, but these past weeks we have had to do a reality check and make sure we wouldn't live above our means, and would try and reduce spendings until DH has the security of a new job.
I am super careful with grocery shopping, the house is cold most days and I am now buying clothes second hand, so it seems crazy to sacrifice all these efforts for a dinner?

I agree.

But with your update I would get in there quick before other people start cancelling too.

If it was my birthday do then

1. I would completely understand friends cancelling due to a redundancy
2. I would never choose an expensive restaurant and expect my guests to pay.

My husband has just cancelled attending his friend's birthday dinner for the same reason. Restaurant details issued late for an expensive set menu.
In the current climate we all need to be mindful of costs to others.

YANB.

Wonder if this is the same friend?

Oh yeah, I'd totally cancel. They were not particularly transparent about the costs and you are not going to enjoy it anyway if you are worrying about the costs.....

OP. Lol I did think this too! I started reading your post thinking "Shit, if any of the friends are reading this they will think this is me". Oh well, lol.

I'd also never chose an expensive restaurant unless I was footing the bill....

I think that’s sensible. It’ll be a £250+ night out - you can’t afford it.

If it was a very special occasion and a very special friend, my DH and I would just send the one of us who was closest to the friend along - a £100 night is much more doable.

Sorry if I missed it upthread, OP. How many people are going to the dinner?

NBU.
We did it once, were meeting with friends who organised a larger get together in a mall with loads of places to eat, we thought it would be nandos or something, ended up being a super pricey steak house costing us 160 quid for the meal for both of us plus drinks. The food was not even that great.
And definitely noy with oyur DP having lost his job!

If they're good friends they'll understand. Tbh, we rarely go to this kind of thing nowadays because it seems crazy to spend that kind of money on one meal for one evening.

Sad though, coz it's always lovely to catch up with pals, get dressed up, get tipsy.

Maybe get one of those dine in for £20 meals and have a posh at home dinner date to make you feel better?

I'd be furious if someone sprung that kind of cost on me !

Of course YANBU.
I wouldn't be surprised if others cancel too.
Even without the redundancy, a meal at that cost is quite a commitment for most. I wouldn't be surprised if it has taken others by surprise either.

If you are gathering people to go out together, then you should ALWAYS let people know what they are committing to in advance.

I'm not sure why so many posters are saying it is poor of the OP to cancel with short notice, when the people arranging it only gave them the information about costs yesterday. That is on the organisers.

I wouldn't be offering to pay any deposit either.
This is totally down to the people organising it.

As an aside, are your in-laws really charging you £60 to babysit their dgc ?

It's the inviting couple who are using their in laws as babysitters not OP!

Do people actually compensate the babysitter if they cancel before the night? Surely these things just happen? 🤷‍♀️

If I were your friend, I’d understand, given the circumstances. YANBU.

I don't know exactly but I would say 10-15

I would understand, it's sad to have to cancel but money is tight at the moment.