Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I being unreasonable to ask her to sell theatre tickets?

167 replies

Strawberryjam45 · 02/12/2022 07:06

My neice stayed with my for 3 months while she found her feet in a new (and very expensive city). The deal was that she would help out with my two LOs around work. My birthday is on Xmas eve and I asked her whether it was ok to babysit then as I wanted to go to the theatre. She said ok and I booked. Just for context we never do anything on Xmas eve/we are not culturally Christian so it didn't strike me as this was in anyway unreasonable.

Fast-forward 3 months and my neice has now moved out and found her own place. I went to lunch with her and asked if she was still good for babysitting on that day. She looked at me blankly before saying in a very casual manner that she had forgotten and was actually going to spend that day at home in her home city as she had a few days off. First I heard of it and her tone wasn't apologetic.

I mentioned this to her mum (my sister) and said that while I understand my niece's plans have changed would it be possible for her to try and sell the non-refundable/exchangeable tickets as I'd only bought them as she'd agreed to babysit and there wasn't any other feasible childcare options which weren't a faff. The tickets were £200 by the way and I just don't want the hassle of trying to shift them.

Her mum said that she thought I was being unreasonable as her daughter had felt "pressurized" to say yes as she was living with me (news to me as she made herself at home while living with us (borrowing personal items without asking etc, not feeling the need to buy groceries etc, which was fine but hardly the behavior of someone who feels obliged by their circumstances) and is very good at saying "no" in general. She also said she thought it was unreasonable for me to ask her to babysit on Xmas eve (even though we never celebrate Xmas eve as a family and it was my bday). She said she would buy the tickets from me as otherwise I would "go on about it forever".

Am I right to feel annoyed at my sister? Although she's offered to pay for the tickets, her tone was very off and like I had been v unreasonable. My neice is not a child by the way, she is well into her mid-20s.

OP posts:
ladydimitrescu · 02/12/2022 07:12

You've posted this thread twice - and yes YABU. Plans change. It's not down to her to sell the tickets, you chose to spend £200 on them

SavingKitten · 02/12/2022 07:16

YABU yes, especially being annoyed at your sister. You moaned to your sister about your adult niece so your sister has agreed to waste £200 right before Christmas buying these tickets off you to shut you up, and you are still moaning. I totally see your sisters point.

TidyDancer · 02/12/2022 07:20

Why didn't you try selling the tickets yourself? That's the bit that confused me.

I think it's a bit crap that your niece has let you down, but it's certainly feasible she felt under pressure to agree. And since your sister has said you would go on about this forever if she didn't buy the tickets, it sounds like there might be an underlying dynamic in your family where you do perhaps peck at people to get your own way. Whether that's fair or not, it seems that's how you're perceived so sounds like your niece possibly was pressured in a way.

thelobsterquadrille · 02/12/2022 07:22

YABU. Either find alternative childcare or sell them on yourself.

It's not her fault chose to spend £200 on tickets 🤷🏻‍♀️

HarvestThyme · 02/12/2022 07:23

So, in sum, your babysitter fell through.

Get another babysitter, or don't go. Leave your sister out of it - it's nothing to do with her.

Whataretheodds · 02/12/2022 07:25

As per other thread, yabu

ElmoNeedsThePotty · 02/12/2022 07:25

YABVU it's got bog all to do with your Sister.

Sell them yourself!

You sound a PITA tbh.

DrMarciaFieldstone · 02/12/2022 07:25

Yabu, if a babysitter falls through, they are not responsible for shifting the tickets or cancelling whatever you had planned.

It’s also weeks away, why can’t you organise a sitter?

Teadrinkingmumofone · 02/12/2022 07:25

Your niece forgot something she said yes to 3 months ago, shit happens. Either get a new babysitter or sell the tickets yourself.

sorrynotathome · 02/12/2022 07:26

I would take the money from your sister and let that be the end of it.

Sparklingbrook · 02/12/2022 07:28

Not sure what it’s got to do with your sister and why she’s offering to pay.
Sell the tickets yourself or try to arrange alternative babysitter.

fruitstick · 02/12/2022 07:31

I don't even understand why this is a problem.

You are being ridiculous.

I let my niece stay with me for a while because she's my niece and I love her. Yes she has babysat for me too but that doesn't make her at my beck and call forever more

People forget plans all the time
It's Christmas Eve
You have weeks to find an alternative sitter.
They're your children
They're your tickets

Don't take your sister's money. Either sell the tickets yourself or find another sitter.

Zampa · 02/12/2022 07:31

YANBU for being annoyed about being let down. I find it really upsetting when my childcare falls through at the last minute, especially when I've paid money for tickets..

somuchshoppingsolittletime · 02/12/2022 07:32

Can you definitely not swap the tickets for another date? Most venues would allow you to do this - what are the terms? The easiest solution would be to still go, just on a different day.

Failing that, get yourself a babysitter.

I think it's unreasonable to make your sister pick up the tab for a disagreement between you and her adult child.

I also think you (or your niece or your sister) may struggle to sell the tickets. Just use them. You want to see the show in the first place.

PS Just because you don't think your niece felt pressurised by you doesn't mean she didn't. I mean, she did move out at the first opportunity, rather than trying to stay with you for longer to save up more money. You may have a different relationship with her than you think.

Choice4567 · 02/12/2022 07:32

Why is your first thought to sell the tickets? Surely you look for alternative childcare first. If you can’t find it then you sell the tickets. Nothing to do with anyone else

fruitstick · 02/12/2022 07:32

Zampa · 02/12/2022 07:31

YANBU for being annoyed about being let down. I find it really upsetting when my childcare falls through at the last minute, especially when I've paid money for tickets..

It's not at the last minute. It's three weeks away!

MaryMollyPolly · 02/12/2022 07:32

This hasn’t got much to do with your sister, but it has a lot to do with your niece. Your niece is being unreasonable and you are quite within your rights to feel annoyed. But take it up with your niece. Or try and find another sitter.

Claudia84 · 02/12/2022 07:33

Your niece was helping out for three months whilst she was living there. She has let you down but doesn't exactly owe you now that she isn't even there.
You may not culturally celebrate Christmas but most work places close around this times so yes normal she wouldn't want to be there on Christmas Eve and had made plans.
It's not up to her to sell the tickets - you should sell them.

AuntieMarys · 02/12/2022 07:34

So you can't be arsed to sell the tickets or get another babysitter?

Zanatdy · 02/12/2022 07:34

it is annoying as the tickets are expensive. I think it’s unreasonable to ask her to sell your tickets though. It’s like you’re just doing that to make a point, which is unreasonable.

GreenWheat · 02/12/2022 07:35

Good grief, childcare falls through sometimes and no, it's not on the babysitter to sort out the fallout. You need to have a few options up your sleeve - create them, babysitters don't just fall into your lap. There is still time to arrange one - yes, it is "faff" as you call it. Sounds like you can't be bothered tbh.

Deliaskis · 02/12/2022 07:38

YABVU.

Runningintolife · 02/12/2022 07:39

YABU to rely on an arrangement like this. You've been let down. Your problem to solve.

bloodyplanes · 02/12/2022 07:39

I think YABU to expect your niece to sell the tickets for you, however your niece sounds like a selfish, spoilt brat and I wouldn't be doing her anymore favours ever again. She agreed to babysit and she should honour that!

WeAreTheHeroes · 02/12/2022 07:40

Get another babysitter - do you have a friend who could help you out this once? Your niece is presumably an adult so it's nowt to do with her mother.

There are so many things you could do rather than this.