Am I being unreasonable to ask her to sell theatre tickets?

[Strawberryjam45]

My neice stayed with my for 3 months while she found her feet in a new (and very expensive city). The deal was that she would help out with my two LOs around work. My birthday is on Xmas eve and I asked her whether it was ok to babysit then as I wanted to go to the theatre. She said ok and I booked. Just for context we never do anything on Xmas eve/we are not culturally Christian so it didn't strike me as this was in anyway unreasonable.

Fast-forward 3 months and my neice has now moved out and found her own place. I went to lunch with her and asked if she was still good for babysitting on that day. She looked at me blankly before saying in a very casual manner that she had forgotten and was actually going to spend that day at home in her home city as she had a few days off. First I heard of it and her tone wasn't apologetic.

I mentioned this to her mum (my sister) and said that while I understand my niece's plans have changed would it be possible for her to try and sell the non-refundable/exchangeable tickets as I'd only bought them as she'd agreed to babysit and there wasn't any other feasible childcare options which weren't a faff. The tickets were £200 by the way and I just don't want the hassle of trying to shift them.

Her mum said that she thought I was being unreasonable as her daughter had felt "pressurized" to say yes as she was living with me (news to me as she made herself at home while living with us (borrowing personal items without asking etc, not feeling the need to buy groceries etc, which was fine but hardly the behavior of someone who feels obliged by their circumstances) and is very good at saying "no" in general. She also said she thought it was unreasonable for me to ask her to babysit on Xmas eve (even though we never celebrate Xmas eve as a family and it was my bday). She said she would buy the tickets from me as otherwise I would "go on about it forever".

Am I right to feel annoyed at my sister? Although she's offered to pay for the tickets, her tone was very off and like I had been v unreasonable. My neice is not a child by the way, she is well into her mid-20s.

Why don’t you go with a friend and DH stay at home? I get that it’s not your ideal situation but seems a shame to not go when you were looking forward to it. Or sell one ticket and go alone and have some me-time!!

Just looked at your history you had a nanny for you 17 month old, it's clear you've had your niece replacing your nanny for your toddler child!

Why wouldn't you go?! You're either cutting off your nose to spite your face here, or you're deliberately martyring yourself to make your sister and/or niece feel bad.

What did you expect your niece plans would be on Xmas eve?

Did you not expect she would most likely be back home with her own family that night? Were you expecting she would babysit then traveling home very late at night on Christmas eve, or Christmas morning?

This reminds of when I was staying with some friends whilst waiting for my flat to come good and they asked me to dogsit for them for 2 weeks the following year. It meant having to house-sit etc for them. I had to take 2 weeks off work and miss study evening for my part-time degree. It was a complete PITA and honestly whilst I really appreciated them putting me up (I paid them handsomely for the privilege BTW) I really resented them asking me. I was in their debt and a captive audience. Although frankly OP I think the lengths you’ve gone too are a bit extreme, why on earth should your sister refund you? And you’re still moaning…

Out of interest did you intent on paying her for Christmas eve if so how much?

I think you’re overreacting a bit but I think your niece is the one the the wrong.
She’s an adult, she agreed to babysitting on Christmas Eve. I don’t understand the comments “well what did you expect? It’s Christmas Eve” but she agreed to it? She could of said no. You know your niece better than us and like you said 1) she’s old enough to say no! 2) she hasn’t got any issues saying no. It’s annoying she didn’t even apologise. She most likely forgot but I’d still say sorry if I agreed to plans I said I’d do then forgot and made other plans. I don’t think you’re unreasonable for being annoyed.

I think you’re being unreasonable speaking to your sister about it, or asking her to sell your tickets for you.

You’ve got 3 weeks to find another babysitter, or 3 weeks to make other arrangements with your tickets.

Find another baby sitter and use the tickets.

No.

Because she wanted to enjoy the evening with her husband.

Can you imagine treating a nanny or an au pair like this? She’s left but yet you’re demanding she returns on Christmas eve! Move on and stop trying to exploit your niece. She’s given you loads of notice.

Am I right to feel annoyed at my sister?

I'm struggling to understand what your sister has done wrong here. She has offered to pay for your tickets.

What more do you want her to do? Thrash your niece in a public square?

YABU.

Actually yes I was on team OP, but I’m rereading the OP.
How much childcare did your Dniece do when she was staying with you ?

Use the tickets , with a friend if you cannot or will not find an alternative babysitter. You have three weeks to sort it out no need to be a martyr or drag the whole family into it.

YANBU, she has backed out of her commitment to babysit. I would be annoyed too if someone broke a promise like that, especially when I had housed and provided for them for three months.

She sounds like one of life's takers. Remember this in future if she asks for another favour (or better yet, agree to it then "forget" later on).

Missing the point of the thread but as a parent, I'd quite like to be with my children myself on Christmas Eve, not palmed them off with a babysitter.

That is assuming you celebrate Christmas - I know you said your don't do much/aren't Christian but neither am I, however I think Christmas Eve is one of the best days to be with your kids.

Just return the tickets to the theatre and get your refund. Job done!

No need to involve your sister, and now you know your niece is completely unreliable so don't count on her for anything in future

I know you know this by this stage but YABU.
It's annoying that your niece has cancelled, but she's an adult. It's unfair to bring your sister into it.
You have three weeks to find another babysitter so is this not an avenue before jumping to selling them?

"Just return the tickets to the theatre and get your refund. Job done!"

And here's me all these years buying non refundable theatre tickets as they are the only type that theatres sell and missing out on the odd occasion that I've been unwell. If only I'd known there were magic refundable ones for whatever reason you fancy.

I don’t think it’s fair to mum guilt someone and make OP feel bad

Your niece is an adul,t and many of the things that you have written on here you could easily have said to her. Involving your sister seems a bit like telling on her. Obviously , once involved , your sister felt compelled to say or do something . Offering to pay for the tickets was her olive branch.

If you are still feeling put upon, the person with whom you should speak is your niece. Unfortunately, this has grown into one of those things that can cause friction and side taking within extended families. Is the money really worth creating acrimony within your family circle?

As to selling the tickets, that is an unreasonable thing to ask of your niece. A more reasonable solution would be for you to try and sell the tickets and to be less accommodating to your niece in the future.

If my lovely nieces stayed with me for 3 months I would be delighted.
How much childcare did she end up doing for you?

she dishonoured a big commitment?! she forgot she agreed to babysit, it's hardly the fall of rome.
Just find another babysitter? Why sell the tickets at all? You want to go, you've got the tickets, just book a different babysitter?!

Fair enough, I suppose that wasn't her question after all.