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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Am I being unreasonable to ask her to sell theatre tickets?

167 replies

Strawberryjam45 · 02/12/2022 07:06

My neice stayed with my for 3 months while she found her feet in a new (and very expensive city). The deal was that she would help out with my two LOs around work. My birthday is on Xmas eve and I asked her whether it was ok to babysit then as I wanted to go to the theatre. She said ok and I booked. Just for context we never do anything on Xmas eve/we are not culturally Christian so it didn't strike me as this was in anyway unreasonable.

Fast-forward 3 months and my neice has now moved out and found her own place. I went to lunch with her and asked if she was still good for babysitting on that day. She looked at me blankly before saying in a very casual manner that she had forgotten and was actually going to spend that day at home in her home city as she had a few days off. First I heard of it and her tone wasn't apologetic.

I mentioned this to her mum (my sister) and said that while I understand my niece's plans have changed would it be possible for her to try and sell the non-refundable/exchangeable tickets as I'd only bought them as she'd agreed to babysit and there wasn't any other feasible childcare options which weren't a faff. The tickets were £200 by the way and I just don't want the hassle of trying to shift them.

Her mum said that she thought I was being unreasonable as her daughter had felt "pressurized" to say yes as she was living with me (news to me as she made herself at home while living with us (borrowing personal items without asking etc, not feeling the need to buy groceries etc, which was fine but hardly the behavior of someone who feels obliged by their circumstances) and is very good at saying "no" in general. She also said she thought it was unreasonable for me to ask her to babysit on Xmas eve (even though we never celebrate Xmas eve as a family and it was my bday). She said she would buy the tickets from me as otherwise I would "go on about it forever".

Am I right to feel annoyed at my sister? Although she's offered to pay for the tickets, her tone was very off and like I had been v unreasonable. My neice is not a child by the way, she is well into her mid-20s.

OP posts:

devildeepbluesea · 02/12/2022 08:36

I think asking your niece to babysit on Christmas Eve, whatever your culture, whilst she’s essentially a

MGMidget · 02/12/2022 08:38

It is probably going to be easier for you to get a refund than for your niece ir sister to find a buyer for the tickets. I think your niece and sister could have shown a bit more gratitude for 3 months accommodation and hosting in an expensive city as it doesnt sound like she did a lot/created extra work for you so I can see why you feel she should have honoured the commitment to babysit as a return favour. However, she isnt that type of person and neither is her mother. I would probably distance myself a little from them and not put yourself out in future.

Weirdwonders · 02/12/2022 08:38

It might have been a reasonable request if she was still living with you but it’s three months ago and she’s since moved out. Of course she’ll have said yes at the time, she probably didn’t feel like she could say otherwise.

devildeepbluesea · 02/12/2022 08:39

Sorry posted too soon.

asking her to babysit on Christmas Eve whilst she’s staying with you (and providing free childcare) is cheeky in itself. Presumably she’s a young girl who may well have friends to see and parties to go on on Christmas Eve.

I don’t blame her at all for saying no now that she doesn’t live with you.

And as for getting her to sell the tickets / getting the money off your sister - that’s quite the level of entitlement.

Just get another sitter or sell the things yourself.

rookiemere · 02/12/2022 08:39

If you can't or won't get another babysitter, you're probably better placed to sell the tickets. You're in an older age group so people more likely to have the spare cash and inclination to go, and you presumably live locally so should know people in the area.

If you were to put them on Facebook marketplace right now you should get at least half face value for them, but as others have said check with the theatre as you may well be able to change the date you go.

luxxlisbon · 02/12/2022 08:43

Your niece likely did feel pressured. How is she supposed to go to her family for Christmas if she’s babysitting for you in a different city on Christmas Eve?

Its annoying when childcare falls through but ultimately you just need to make other arrangements or don’t go. I’m not sure why you think it’s your niece’s responsibility to sell the tickets.

poefaced · 02/12/2022 08:45

borrowing personal items without asking etc, not feeling the need to buy groceries etc

At 25, she should know better. Don’t have her to stay again.

Tulipomania · 02/12/2022 08:47

OP, you have 2 choices here:

Find another babysitter
sell the tickets yourself

You've still got 3 weeks to sort it out.

PingPongMerrilyWithPie · 02/12/2022 08:47

They're on your card, sort them out yourself.

Your sister has been kind to offer, however much you don't appreciate it, and personally I think it would be churlish to take her up on the offer.

You're this girl's aunty. We're all human, she is only young and not in a world where everything is pre-planned around childcare. Put it down to an innocent mistake and move on from it. You just look vindictive and unkind trying to make the tickets her problem.

MyAutocorrectWishesMeDeaj · 02/12/2022 08:50

YABVU. Get another babysitter. You literally have weeks.

MGMidget · 02/12/2022 08:50

PS, the niece probably did feel a bit pressurised too but said yes with no intention of following through to placate you whilst she was living with you. Obviously Christmas Eve is a big occasion for many so it is quitte a big ask but if she didnt do much else then expecting a big favour in return for your big favour was not unreasonable in the circumstances.

Feef83 · 02/12/2022 08:51

So you say Xmas isn’t important in your family

and yet…

you niece has booked a few days off over Xmas and is going back to her family

and

your sister thinks She also said she thought it was unreasonable for me to ask her to babysit on Xmas eve

HelpMeCope85 · 02/12/2022 08:51

You’re being VU here OP. Very entitled. Your sister shouldn’t have to pay. Get a babysitter or sell the tickets yourself.

Weirdwonders · 02/12/2022 08:53

Also how are you expecting her to get where she needs to go on Christmas Day? Is she spending it with you or will she have to travel somewhere after you get home? Have you offered to pay her to be there across Christmas Eve and Christmas Day? It’s all very well saying it’s not celebrated in your family but I suspect that’s not the case.

Feef83 · 02/12/2022 08:53

I would never ask someone in their 20s just moved to a big city to commit to babysitting on Xmas eve * 3 months* before the event itself!

Feef83 · 02/12/2022 08:55

The niece is no doubt back to her hometown because her flat mates are all going back to their respective families.

op - the more i think about this, the most i think you sound quite profoundly unpleasant

InsomniacVampire · 02/12/2022 08:57

I think people are beign a bit harsh on you OP- you helped the niece out massively and she checked out as soon as she found her own feet. Which she would not be have been able to do without your help.

Id be annoyed too and would not be reaching out to help her ever again.

Survey99 · 02/12/2022 08:57

Your sister is having to buy £200 worth of theatre tickets because you are a pain in the arse.

Your nieces plans have changed around Christmas time and while that is not ideal they are your tickets, your plans, your children, and it's your problem to resolve.

Can you book a sitter, perhaps you or your dh stay at home and the other go with a friend instead?

HappyintheHills · 02/12/2022 08:57

YABU - find a babysitter or return the tickets to the theatre who will make them available for re sale

poefaced · 02/12/2022 08:58

I think OP is getting a hard time. OP probably got sick of her 25yo borrowing things from her bedroom without permission.

I think OP should get a babysitter but the niece sounds like an adult brat.

FelizNavicrab · 02/12/2022 08:59

*The tickets were £200 by the way and I just don't want the hassle of trying to shift them.

I'm with her. It was unreasonable to ask, unreasonable to get upset when her plans change and unreasoanble to expect her to fix your problem when you just 'don't want the hassle' of doing so yourself. Despite all that she has offered to fix the issue by paying you for the tickets - and even that is not good enough or you.

This is so glaringly reasonable on her part that I sniff a reverse.

poefaced · 02/12/2022 08:59

25yo niece

familyissues12345 · 02/12/2022 08:59

bloodyplanes · 02/12/2022 07:39

I think YABU to expect your niece to sell the tickets for you, however your niece sounds like a selfish, spoilt brat and I wouldn't be doing her anymore favours ever again. She agreed to babysit and she should honour that!

Absolutely this! You stuck to your side of the deal - putting her up for free - yet she then conveniently doesn't stick to hers?

Feef83 · 02/12/2022 08:59

Id be annoyed too and would not be reaching out to help her ever again.

good grief!

SpicyFoodRocks · 02/12/2022 09:00

Change the date of the tickets!

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