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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Am I being unreasonable to ask her to sell theatre tickets?

167 replies

Strawberryjam45 · 02/12/2022 07:06

My neice stayed with my for 3 months while she found her feet in a new (and very expensive city). The deal was that she would help out with my two LOs around work. My birthday is on Xmas eve and I asked her whether it was ok to babysit then as I wanted to go to the theatre. She said ok and I booked. Just for context we never do anything on Xmas eve/we are not culturally Christian so it didn't strike me as this was in anyway unreasonable.

Fast-forward 3 months and my neice has now moved out and found her own place. I went to lunch with her and asked if she was still good for babysitting on that day. She looked at me blankly before saying in a very casual manner that she had forgotten and was actually going to spend that day at home in her home city as she had a few days off. First I heard of it and her tone wasn't apologetic.

I mentioned this to her mum (my sister) and said that while I understand my niece's plans have changed would it be possible for her to try and sell the non-refundable/exchangeable tickets as I'd only bought them as she'd agreed to babysit and there wasn't any other feasible childcare options which weren't a faff. The tickets were £200 by the way and I just don't want the hassle of trying to shift them.

Her mum said that she thought I was being unreasonable as her daughter had felt "pressurized" to say yes as she was living with me (news to me as she made herself at home while living with us (borrowing personal items without asking etc, not feeling the need to buy groceries etc, which was fine but hardly the behavior of someone who feels obliged by their circumstances) and is very good at saying "no" in general. She also said she thought it was unreasonable for me to ask her to babysit on Xmas eve (even though we never celebrate Xmas eve as a family and it was my bday). She said she would buy the tickets from me as otherwise I would "go on about it forever".

Am I right to feel annoyed at my sister? Although she's offered to pay for the tickets, her tone was very off and like I had been v unreasonable. My neice is not a child by the way, she is well into her mid-20s.

OP posts:

sorrynotathome · 02/12/2022 07:43

If someone sponged off me for 3 months then cba to keep a babysitting commitment, I would be massively pissed off. YANBU at all.

honeylulu · 02/12/2022 07:45

Find another babysitter, then you can still go. You'll have a pay but that's better than wasting £200.wasting

Niece does sound a bit rude and selfish but it sounds like neither of you enjoyed her staying with you so best to draw a line under it. You sound insistent on getting your "pound of flesh" to make a point. You need to let that go o r you'll end up ruining your birthday and falling out with your sister.

londonrach · 02/12/2022 07:49

Yabu. Sell the tickets yourself or get another baby sitter.

Stripedbag101 · 02/12/2022 07:51

It will be tough to find a babysitter on Christmas Eve. You niece should have been more apologetic- I can see why she wants to head home as she has time off, but she should have been embarrassed at letting you down.

you sell the tickets though, not her. And you don’t rely on her again to babysit.

however, and to be clear, she didn’t live with you rent free (which my beige would have done) you bartered and in exchange she helped with the children.

j wouldn’t have expected my niece to work for me in exchange for staying with me. Sound like she was an aupair. So you going in about her owing you isn’t very generous or honest.

Flowerytray · 02/12/2022 07:51

I think that your niece is being mean and should honour her promise but I don't think that she or your sister should be responsible for the ticket's. Just don't do her anymore favours.

Gazelda · 02/12/2022 07:55

YABU.

It's nothing to do with your sister.

Your niece has behaved poorly. It's she who you should be most miffed at.

If it were a neighbour who agreed to babysit 3 months ago and now has other plans, would you expect them to pay for your tickets? Or is it just because it's family?

Find another babysitter. Don't do any more favours for your niece unless she realises how ungrateful she's been and apologises properly.

StarManDan · 02/12/2022 08:02

It was nothing to do with your sister, it wasn't up to her to try and sell them. The fact that she said "or you'll go on about it forever" makes me wonder what type of person you are.

You neice agreeing to babysit and then forgetting is not good. However, I wouldn't have asked someone to babysit Christmas eve, unless I was willing to pay them and pay them well for the inconvenience.

PinkPrettyAndPointed · 02/12/2022 08:05

Why doesn't your sis pay for a babysitter if she'd fork out 200 for the tickets? That would probably be cheaper.

mum11970 · 02/12/2022 08:06

Of course yabu. Did it not occur to you 3 months ago, when your niece moved out, that the arrangement was unlikely to go ahead as she was no longer living in the house or that she may have plans and felt obliged to agree in the first place? Not only is your niece not living with you any more, but she is planning to visit her parents, who must be far enough away that she couldn’t commute from there whilst she was flat hunting. When do think she should travel home? The middle of the night; Christmas morning or should she scrap her plans altogether and spend Christmas alone in her flat. Would you be happy. I’d be highly pissed off if my sister wanted my daughter to babysit for her rather than see me over Christmas.
We had a friend of our son’s stay with us for a month or so, whilst his mum sorted out accommodation. We neither charged him or attached any strings to his stay.

NewIdeasToday · 02/12/2022 08:08

Why don’t you go with a friend and your partner can look after the kids?

its not ideal but at least that way you get the night at the theatre you’re looking forward to on Christmas Eve.

poefaced · 02/12/2022 08:09

Well, I wouldn’t be doing mother and daughter any more favours, they both sound like users.

Try and find a babysitter or sell the tickets, but note sister and niece’s behaviour and remember it.

Newgirls · 02/12/2022 08:10

Go with a friend?

get a new babysitter?

it was always a risky plan surely

Brefugee · 02/12/2022 08:13

If someone sponged off me for 3 months then cba to keep a babysitting commitment, I would be massively pissed off. YANBU at all.

same, and I'd have mentioned that to both of them.

But at this stage, OP, apart from not getting a night out, you're not down on this at all, since your sister has bought the tickets.

And now you know who you never need to do favours for (although I am petty and vindictive so I'd vaguely commit to something then "forget")

WimpoleHat · 02/12/2022 08:14

Your niece was a bit unreasonable- certainly thoughtless. But this sort of thing happens with babysitters, so it’s one of those things. If be a bit less inclined to put myself out for niece in future, but that would be that. I don’t think she’s obliged to sell your tickets.

What are they tickets for? Most places are a little more flexible now post Covid and, generally, will at least allow an exchange of dates.

erinaceus · 02/12/2022 08:14

I don't really understand why you have dragged your sister into this when your niece is an adult. That is quite weird.

Your niece should have been more apologetic and perhaps offered to try to help you to find a solution to the problem, but she didn't. The best you can do now is be the adult in all of this. Rather than getting in a huff and trying to offload the problem onto your sister's mother(?!), either sell the tickets yourself or find another childcare solution.

Life sucks sometimes, but in this situation I don't think there is someone else to shoulder the hassle for you. Rant on here if you like about childcare plans falling through, which sucks and I am sympathetic, but don't try to drag your sister into it.

MaryMollyPolly · 02/12/2022 08:15

Obviously, the fault is entirely the niece’s. She agreed to babysit. Bar unforeseen emergency, she should stick to it. It was all arranged. Really awful behaviour from her, especially as the OP had been kindly hosting her.

Rainydays2 · 02/12/2022 08:18

It’s annoying when child care falls through, but people forget things, and plans change

rookiemere · 02/12/2022 08:18

With tickets that expensive, I'd have checked with her a few times along the way to make sure she had remembered and was still on board.

We have young adult nephew who used to come up for the occasional weekend to look after teen DS so we could go away. Although I'd ask him months in advance, I'd need to double check with him much nearer the date as he'd have forgotten.

Shame that you can't just get another babysitter.

LAMPS1 · 02/12/2022 08:21

Passing your problem on to an innocent third party is very unreasonable.
Why involve her at all ? Sounds as if you wanted to punish her by making it her problem as the mother of the niece who you feel let you down.
It’s sad your theatre plans are scuppered but really, you must have realised at the time of asking, that young people usually have their own special plans for the Christmas holidays whether they are of the Christian faith or not ( just as you did).
Try to sell the tickets yourself or pay a baby sitter if you can find one at this stage. Don’t accept your sister’s plan to buy the tickets. Sort this unfortunate mix-up between you and your niece yourself and apologise to your sister for bringing her into it all.

MaryMollyPolly · 02/12/2022 08:22

you must have realised at the time of asking, that young people usually have their own special plans for the Christmas holidays

The niece did have plans -to babysit.

CatSpeakForDummies · 02/12/2022 08:26

I can see that she felt babysitting while she lived there was part of her "contract," and once she'd moved out it wouldn't occur to her to keep doing it.

You have weeks, to either find someone to babysit or to leave DH at home and take a friend. I can't believe you object to this "faff" more than taking £200 off your sister.

caringcarer · 02/12/2022 08:26

You have plenty of time to arrange another babysitter or to sell tickets on. You are being mean to drag your sister into it. Just accept your niece forgot she agreed 3 months ago. People change their plans.

Sunshineandflipflops · 02/12/2022 08:31

I can understand you being annoyed at being let down but this isn't anything to do with your sister as your neice is an adult.

In your situation, I would either try and get another babysitter (made more difficult by it being Xmas eve) or, assuming you have a partner and you were going to go with them, they stay home and you take a friend instead.

Feef83 · 02/12/2022 08:34

I mentioned this to her mum (my sister)

why did you not chat with your niece?

Feef83 · 02/12/2022 08:34

I’m most baffled about going to the theatre on Xmas eve and leaving your children with a babysitter!

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