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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I being unreasonable to ask her to sell theatre tickets?

167 replies

Strawberryjam45 · 02/12/2022 07:06

My neice stayed with my for 3 months while she found her feet in a new (and very expensive city). The deal was that she would help out with my two LOs around work. My birthday is on Xmas eve and I asked her whether it was ok to babysit then as I wanted to go to the theatre. She said ok and I booked. Just for context we never do anything on Xmas eve/we are not culturally Christian so it didn't strike me as this was in anyway unreasonable.

Fast-forward 3 months and my neice has now moved out and found her own place. I went to lunch with her and asked if she was still good for babysitting on that day. She looked at me blankly before saying in a very casual manner that she had forgotten and was actually going to spend that day at home in her home city as she had a few days off. First I heard of it and her tone wasn't apologetic.

I mentioned this to her mum (my sister) and said that while I understand my niece's plans have changed would it be possible for her to try and sell the non-refundable/exchangeable tickets as I'd only bought them as she'd agreed to babysit and there wasn't any other feasible childcare options which weren't a faff. The tickets were £200 by the way and I just don't want the hassle of trying to shift them.

Her mum said that she thought I was being unreasonable as her daughter had felt "pressurized" to say yes as she was living with me (news to me as she made herself at home while living with us (borrowing personal items without asking etc, not feeling the need to buy groceries etc, which was fine but hardly the behavior of someone who feels obliged by their circumstances) and is very good at saying "no" in general. She also said she thought it was unreasonable for me to ask her to babysit on Xmas eve (even though we never celebrate Xmas eve as a family and it was my bday). She said she would buy the tickets from me as otherwise I would "go on about it forever".

Am I right to feel annoyed at my sister? Although she's offered to pay for the tickets, her tone was very off and like I had been v unreasonable. My neice is not a child by the way, she is well into her mid-20s.

OP posts:
joliefolle · 02/12/2022 09:41

"My neice is not a child by the way, she is well into her mid-20s"
So why are you asking her mother to get her to make her do something for you?

Fair enough to be annoyed that your niece has let you down but when you phoned her mother and were offered the money for the ticket, you are still griping because you feel your niece should be punished and resent being made to feel unreasonable for that. You want her to either have the 'faff' of selling the tickets or to have to babysit. All that attitude has achieved is further grievance for you. You were offered the money so you have not lost out. Let it go.

SleepingStandingUp · 02/12/2022 09:41

and if not I can go with a friend so you CAN go?

Feef83 · 02/12/2022 09:41

She’s in her twenties
Just moved to a big city
no doubt in a flat share and all flat mates going home for Christmas and big social plans In the run up

I’d be disappointed but let it go

Feef83 · 02/12/2022 09:42

And to drag her mother in to it was plain unfair

Original poster
Strawberryjam45 · 02/12/2022 09:42

@SleepingStandingUp, yes I can technically but to be honest I probably won't. I'll try and sell them.

OP posts:
Pebbledashery · 02/12/2022 09:43

You are being SO ridiculous.

Original poster
Strawberryjam45 · 02/12/2022 09:44

@Feef83, we speak all the time about everything but tbf I was aggrieved which is why I raised it. Time to let it go.

OP posts:
fruitbrewhaha · 02/12/2022 09:44

Just get someone else to babysit.

Original poster
Strawberryjam45 · 02/12/2022 09:45

@Pebbledashery, what a remarkably insightful comment.

OP posts:
InsomniacVampire · 02/12/2022 09:45

Rainbowshit · 02/12/2022 09:15

YABU. You have plenty of options.

Find another babysitter
Go with a friend leaving DH to babysit
Swap tickets to another date
Sell them

It was always going to be a massive gamble asking someone to babysit so far in advance as things change.

FInding another sitter would cost money. Niece was meant to babysit in exchange of living rent free and eating OPs food for months. Will she be paying OPback for her kindness?

babyjellyfish · 02/12/2022 09:49

Strawberryjam45 · 02/12/2022 09:42

@SleepingStandingUp, yes I can technically but to be honest I probably won't. I'll try and sell them.

I don't understand.

If you can go, why don't you?

America12 · 02/12/2022 09:52

Strawberryjam45 · 02/12/2022 09:42

@SleepingStandingUp, yes I can technically but to be honest I probably won't. I'll try and sell them.

Why wouldn't you just go ? She has let you down though.

rookiemere · 02/12/2022 09:59

I get it OP now from your update.

It's not so much about the tickets as the fact you did a really nice thing for DNiece by letting her stay and putting up with her young adult foibles, and in return you were looking for a lovely night out with your DH with DNiece providing a favour that would go some way to make up for your hospitality.

The fact she has apparently forgotten and both her and your Dsis are being so scathing about it is denigrating your earlier kindness.

Cheeseandcrackers86 · 02/12/2022 10:04

OP you aren't going to convince your niece to babysit or to sell your tickets so just let it go before you give yourself an aneurysm. Sell the tickets yourself or you have almost a month to find a babysitter. If you feel your niece has taken advantage of your good nature then just tell her clearly that you're disappointed, don't offer her the same hospitality again and move on. It doesn't require such drama.

ChilomenaPunk · 02/12/2022 10:06

I think it was unreasonable to ask someone to do this on Christmas Eve, especially a young person who is likely to want to go out, and she would have felt pressurised to say yes while she was staying there.

poefaced · 02/12/2022 10:07

Strawberryjam45 · 02/12/2022 09:39

Thanks everyone for your responses. I think that's it's less about the tickets (yes I can try and resell them and if not I can go with a friend), it's more that I feel hurt as I felt I do and have historically gone out of my way for my neice in all sorts of ways and it's not that I expect to be paid back but I just thought it was a mutual relationship and if the opportunity ever arose, she would want to help me out too. I shouldn't have had that expectation and I should have asked what her plans were for Xmas (I assumed she would be working and therefore would be in the city but I should have checked).

I guess what annoyed me was her quite cavalier attitude to not being able to honour the commitment. Almost as if we don't have a relationship and if I was in a hole, well then that was tough for me. My sister did offer to pay £200 but it was done in a very brusque manner as in "if you're dying for the money..." not as in "I'll pay you for them and then try and re-sell them"-I agree I don't think she should pay for them and nor do I intend to take her money.

Seriously, stop helping her. She’s a 25yo selfish adult.

Newmum0322 · 02/12/2022 10:09

HarvestThyme · 02/12/2022 07:23

So, in sum, your babysitter fell through.

Get another babysitter, or don't go. Leave your sister out of it - it's nothing to do with her.

This!

Happens all the time. It’s a risk you take.

It was unreasonable to ask her to babysit on Xmas eve. It’s your birthday but that only matters to you. I’m not Christian but it’s Xmas eve!?! It’s a holiday, you tend to travel, make plans, be with family! The fact you’re trying to say ‘she’s not Christian’ as a justification for asking her to babysit Xmas eve just goes to show how ridiculous you are.

Sell the tickets yourself or get a new babysitter. Not rocket science! But congrats by the way on pissing of your family and making yourself look like a massive dick

SeasonFinale · 02/12/2022 10:17

Even if you don't celebrate Christjas for religious reasons you must be aware that people have time off work for that period so it would be quite normal for a 20s something to go home then. She forgot as not part of your household.

Get another babysitter or resell the tickets yourself. Expecting your sister to buy the tickets is bonkers and likely to irreparably damage any relationship with her.

Feef83 · 02/12/2022 10:22

This has taken a peculiar turn OP

You can go but “I probably won’t”

Why? So you can martyr it up with your sister and niece?

billy1966 · 02/12/2022 10:26

I certainly wouldn't have involved your sister but I think it is very poor behaviour on behalf of your neice.

If it was my child I would not be impressed at all.

She should honour what she agreed.

In your place you are 100% off the hook and I would be very slow to be so obliging again.

I think having anyone, even family stay with you for 3 months is a huge imposition and I wouldn't be rushing to do it again.

At 25 she most certainly should know to honour a commitment.

Bananarama21 · 02/12/2022 10:28

I think you've taken advantage of her. She doesn't live with you anymore and why can't she go back home on Christmas eve? Where do you expect her to stay for Christmas? If you can afford 200 on tickets you can afford to pay a baby sitter. Yabu.

PhillySub · 02/12/2022 10:35

Maybe consider taking out insurance next time you spend a lot of money on tickets for a night out.

NippyWoowoo · 02/12/2022 10:35

Not you getting someone to work on Christmas Eve 😂

I wouldn't do it for money let alone FREE!

You're one of those people, do a favour and expect a lifetime of debt.

Velvian · 02/12/2022 10:43

I don't think aunt and niece is a reciprocal relationship, I think it is similar to parent and child. Aunt looks after niece, but niece does not look after aunt.

I think your niece and sister's reactions demonstrate that. They don't see it as an obligation that your neice should babysit and it is not a big deal to them. They evidently think that you are being unreasonable and blowing this out of all proportion.

Bananarama21 · 02/12/2022 10:43

Imagine the reverse.

I have a close family relationship with my auntie and I've been looking to move into the city where she lives. Auntie offered me a place to stay whilst I do some house hunting if I could help now and again for childcare with her dc for not paying towards staying great I thought After moving in auntie has had me dough the school runs constantly and babysitting on the evening so she can go out. I feel its all abit too much but because I'm staying here but I can't say no im really starting to feel like a nanny. Auntie has now asked if babysit so she can go out with her dh on Christmas eve I really feel I can't say no. I finally got a place to move into which I'm so happy about and have my own time to myself. My flat mates are all going back home for Christmas and I can't wait to see my mam and dad but now auntie is holding me to babysitting Christmas eve when the arrangement was to help with childcare when I was living there. If I did that I wouldn't be able to travel back and see my family and be at Christmas on my own.

You treated her like an au pair but she didn't even get an money for it. Shocking and the fact you want childcare to continue after she moved out. I'd be furious if I was your sister.

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