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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Am I being unreasonable to ask her to sell theatre tickets?

167 replies

Strawberryjam45 · 02/12/2022 07:06

My neice stayed with my for 3 months while she found her feet in a new (and very expensive city). The deal was that she would help out with my two LOs around work. My birthday is on Xmas eve and I asked her whether it was ok to babysit then as I wanted to go to the theatre. She said ok and I booked. Just for context we never do anything on Xmas eve/we are not culturally Christian so it didn't strike me as this was in anyway unreasonable.

Fast-forward 3 months and my neice has now moved out and found her own place. I went to lunch with her and asked if she was still good for babysitting on that day. She looked at me blankly before saying in a very casual manner that she had forgotten and was actually going to spend that day at home in her home city as she had a few days off. First I heard of it and her tone wasn't apologetic.

I mentioned this to her mum (my sister) and said that while I understand my niece's plans have changed would it be possible for her to try and sell the non-refundable/exchangeable tickets as I'd only bought them as she'd agreed to babysit and there wasn't any other feasible childcare options which weren't a faff. The tickets were £200 by the way and I just don't want the hassle of trying to shift them.

Her mum said that she thought I was being unreasonable as her daughter had felt "pressurized" to say yes as she was living with me (news to me as she made herself at home while living with us (borrowing personal items without asking etc, not feeling the need to buy groceries etc, which was fine but hardly the behavior of someone who feels obliged by their circumstances) and is very good at saying "no" in general. She also said she thought it was unreasonable for me to ask her to babysit on Xmas eve (even though we never celebrate Xmas eve as a family and it was my bday). She said she would buy the tickets from me as otherwise I would "go on about it forever".

Am I right to feel annoyed at my sister? Although she's offered to pay for the tickets, her tone was very off and like I had been v unreasonable. My neice is not a child by the way, she is well into her mid-20s.

OP posts:

ReneBumsWombats · 02/12/2022 12:04

Strawberryjam45 · 02/12/2022 09:39

Thanks everyone for your responses. I think that's it's less about the tickets (yes I can try and resell them and if not I can go with a friend), it's more that I feel hurt as I felt I do and have historically gone out of my way for my neice in all sorts of ways and it's not that I expect to be paid back but I just thought it was a mutual relationship and if the opportunity ever arose, she would want to help me out too. I shouldn't have had that expectation and I should have asked what her plans were for Xmas (I assumed she would be working and therefore would be in the city but I should have checked).

I guess what annoyed me was her quite cavalier attitude to not being able to honour the commitment. Almost as if we don't have a relationship and if I was in a hole, well then that was tough for me. My sister did offer to pay £200 but it was done in a very brusque manner as in "if you're dying for the money..." not as in "I'll pay you for them and then try and re-sell them"-I agree I don't think she should pay for them and nor do I intend to take her money.

it's not that I expect to be paid back but I just thought it was a mutual relationship and if the opportunity ever arose, she would want to help me out too.

In other words, you expect to be paid back.

I think it's a mistake ever to expect an "equal" relationship of sorts with the next generation, even if it's a niece or nephew rather than a son or daughter. We always do more for them than they do for us; that's just how it is.

Your babysitter cancelled so you have to either find another or change your plans, but there's no reason to involve your sister and no, I don't think your niece is responsible for finding you a ticket buyer. Speak to your niece directly or not at all.

Funkyslippers · 02/12/2022 12:21

Blanketpolicy then the niece should have said she had other plans at the time!!!

Funkyslippers · 02/12/2022 12:22

ContemplatingPollocks then why didn't you say no? You didn't owe them anything

InsomniacVampire · 02/12/2022 12:25

Bananarama21 · 02/12/2022 10:59

Out of interest did you intent on paying her for Christmas eve if so how much?

And interestingly, is the Niece going to pay OP back for electricity and gas she used, rent and food she had for free while doing a bit of childcare?

somuchshoppingsolittletime · 02/12/2022 12:34

I'm also curious as to how much childcare the niece actually did whilst staying with the OP. Did she do enough to earn her keep, or was it the odd bit of babysitting?

If she was earning her keep through childcare, now she no longer lives with the OP, it makes even more sense she no longer does any childcare.

Did she enjoy it? Did your LOs enjoy spending time with her?

BellyDancer124 · 02/12/2022 12:40

YABVU

Especially the bit where you spoke to her mum about it. You say she's well into her mid 20s but you told her mum on her...

LIZS · 02/12/2022 12:44

Were you planning to pay your dn for babysitting or expecting her to do give up her evening for free or as a birthday favour?

OverExcitedPanda76 · 02/12/2022 13:12

No, you're not being unreasonable. You had an agreement with your niece, plain and simple. You did a (very big and generous) thing for her, and in return, she agreed to do a (let's face it, very small) thing for you.

Sorry to say it, but it sounds to me like she's an ungrateful parasite.

(I do think that dragging her mother into it was perhaps a bit unreasonable though.)

2bazookas · 02/12/2022 13:22

Hire a sitter (some local teen known to you will be thrilled to earn double or treble rate) and go to the theatre.

Cancel Nieces Xmas present and tell her (and her mother) why. You spent the money on a babysitter.

PickyEaters · 02/12/2022 14:55

rookiemere · 02/12/2022 11:42

"Just return the tickets to the theatre and get your refund. Job done!"

And here's me all these years buying non refundable theatre tickets as they are the only type that theatres sell and missing out on the odd occasion that I've been unwell. If only I'd known there were magic refundable ones for whatever reason you fancy.

Pardon my ignorance. Every theatre I have been to advertises that "returns" will be for sale on the day of the performance so naturally I thought this was standard practice.

NippyWoowoo · 02/12/2022 15:06

Lostoldusername · 02/12/2022 11:31

Missing the point of the thread but as a parent, I'd quite like to be with my children myself on Christmas Eve, not palmed them off with a babysitter.

That is assuming you celebrate Christmas - I know you said your don't do much/aren't Christian but neither am I, however I think Christmas Eve is one of the best days to be with your kids.

I also think niece's mother would like to spend it with her daughter as well. I always spend it with immediate family

Outfor150 · 02/12/2022 15:32

NippyWoowoo · 02/12/2022 15:06

I also think niece's mother would like to spend it with her daughter as well. I always spend it with immediate family

Show quote history

But the niece, an adult, agreed to babysit!

InsomniacVampire · 02/12/2022 15:48

LIZS · 02/12/2022 12:44

Were you planning to pay your dn for babysitting or expecting her to do give up her evening for free or as a birthday favour?

Was the niece happy to live with her aunt for free instead of paying super expensive rent while looking for a place or...

SleepingStandingUp · 02/12/2022 16:17

Strawberryjam45 · 02/12/2022 09:42

@SleepingStandingUp, yes I can technically but to be honest I probably won't. I'll try and sell them.

So your selling tickets for a show you can go to because what?? I'm so lost.

"niece won't babysit, and I can still go, but in principle shall I cancel to teach her a lesson??"

SleepingStandingUp · 02/12/2022 16:17

Strawberryjam45 · 02/12/2022 09:42

@SleepingStandingUp, yes I can technically but to be honest I probably won't. I'll try and sell them.

So your selling tickets for a show you can go to because what?? I'm so lost.

"niece won't babysit, and I can still go, but in principle shall I cancel to teach her a lesson??"

America12 · 03/12/2022 17:38

PickyEaters · 02/12/2022 11:31

Just return the tickets to the theatre and get your refund. Job done!

No need to involve your sister, and now you know your niece is completely unreliable so don't count on her for anything in future

They are non refundable.

SleepingStandingUp · 03/12/2022 18:46

America12 · 03/12/2022 17:38

They are non refundable.

Show quote history

Op can go anyway, so it's immaterial. She's just refusing to go because her niece isn't showing enough gratitude.

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