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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I can hear my neighbour sobbing...

263 replies

FooFighter99 · 01/12/2022 16:30

And I feel terrible, but I can't do anything - can I?

She's a young (23ish?) new mum who lives with her partner. Baby was born in October. Her family are all in a different town about 1hr away (I think)

And I'm pretty sure I've heard them arguing a few times since they moved in

I'm WFH today and sat in the living room and I can hear her sobbing through the wall Sad Sad Sad

It would be totally inappropriate to knock and ask if she's ok, because then she'll know we can hear them (only when the tv is off though). But I do worry about her and have told DH and DSD(22) that if I hear them arguing and it gets heated I'll be going round and dragging him out by his ear!

It could be PND, or something else (I do hope baby is ok)

WWYD???

OP posts:
Mummydrama · 03/12/2022 11:34

Im a newish mummy and my neighbours are brilliant. Always stop for a chat and see how me and baby are doing. I went through an episode of pulling my hair out (lack of sleep!) Crying, would up and take baby for a walk in middle of night! A neighbour brought round a care package of treats. Had a good chat as she has 2, swapped stories. Another with no kids offered her house as a tea and cake zone. They didnt prey but now i can ofload if need be and we help each other. So yes dont prey but let her know you have a friendly ear with NO judgements. These times are hard and when it gets to boiling point we could make silly decisions with no one to turn too. You could still take something else round for the baby. I still get lil gifts even now.

Fremdschämen · 03/12/2022 11:46

Sandra1984 wrote:

"pearl clutching attitude"

I don't see why legitimate concern for potential invasion of an individual's privacy should be framed and dismissed as "pearl clutching".

This reminds me of a thread a few months ago where a poster started a thread about a Ukrainian woman and her child who were living with her and a perceived issue around the meaning of a child's painting, where the OP was actively inviting MN readers to analyse the painting for signs of PTDS. There was no indication that the woman staying with the OP had given consent for a copy of the painting to be reproduced on a public forum, was aware that it was being discussed or was happy for readers to pile in with public opinion on the content of the painting and her child's wellbeing.

Fremdschämen · 03/12/2022 12:28

*PTSD

Fremdschämen · 03/12/2022 12:40

"As long as no identifying details are posted I don’t understand the “invasion of privacy” pearl clutching attitude from some who seem to enjoy reading about others and then complaining about it. If we could not write about others MN wouldn’t exist. Again, there’s no identifying details about this crying woman and she could be in any country."

OP has given an indication of the mum's age; the distance away she thinks her family live; the month in which the baby was born; that they share a party wall (so live in a semi or a terraced house); that she could hear the mum sobbing on a particular day, at a particular time; that the OP has a DP and a step daughter and the age of the step daughter. Also an indication of what she thinks the mum's partner might do for a living. That they appeared to have all gone out on a particular evening. That the two of them are already on speaking terms; that they both have dogs that have played together.

Enough there, I'd suggest, for the neighbour to potentially recognise herself, if she is a reader of MN, now, or in the future.

MadameMackenzie · 03/12/2022 12:52

Fremdschämen · 03/12/2022 12:40

"As long as no identifying details are posted I don’t understand the “invasion of privacy” pearl clutching attitude from some who seem to enjoy reading about others and then complaining about it. If we could not write about others MN wouldn’t exist. Again, there’s no identifying details about this crying woman and she could be in any country."

OP has given an indication of the mum's age; the distance away she thinks her family live; the month in which the baby was born; that they share a party wall (so live in a semi or a terraced house); that she could hear the mum sobbing on a particular day, at a particular time; that the OP has a DP and a step daughter and the age of the step daughter. Also an indication of what she thinks the mum's partner might do for a living. That they appeared to have all gone out on a particular evening. That the two of them are already on speaking terms; that they both have dogs that have played together.

Enough there, I'd suggest, for the neighbour to potentially recognise herself, if she is a reader of MN, now, or in the future.

But not really enough for anyone else to definitively identify her which is the most important factor imho

Joyfuljolly · 03/12/2022 12:57

Hmmm, I think you need to be crying very loudly for your neighbours to hear you through the wall to be honest. Crying isn’t normally a loud activity unless proper wailing, so I’m wondering if she wanted you to hear,

Ibizamumof4 · 03/12/2022 13:10

Omg don’t do anything just leave her !I would be mortified I cried lots when baby new and argued it would of made me super paranoid a lot worse if I knew
y neighbour had been listening. Do not knock around unless you hear something incredibly concerning

SpinningFloppa · 03/12/2022 13:20

Joyfuljolly · 03/12/2022 12:57

Hmmm, I think you need to be crying very loudly for your neighbours to hear you through the wall to be honest. Crying isn’t normally a loud activity unless proper wailing, so I’m wondering if she wanted you to hear,

so you think she’s crying for attention 🙄

MrsThimbles · 03/12/2022 13:34

SpinningFloppa · 03/12/2022 13:20

so you think she’s crying for attention 🙄

Show quote history

Yes. But not in the way your thinking.

NannaKaren · 03/12/2022 14:55

Go round.
if it was my Dd I’d want someone to go round…
might be nothing, might be baby blues, post natal depression, or just tiredness - go round - she can always say no thank you but you would feel awful if anything bad happened to the baby or her or indeed the partner - just knock xxx

Madamum18 · 04/12/2022 15:32

Personally in that scenario I would knock on the door, make up a vague excuse about was a parcel of mine by any chance left with them as it hasnt arrived but also no card or something similar, and then looking at her say "oh are you ok? Can I do anything? Would you like a cuppa?" or whatever.....if she is sobbing then the fact that she has been crying would be obvious on her face.

Brackensmomma · 04/12/2022 20:24

@Joyfuljolly not really I can hear my neighbours sneeze I can hear them crying. And they can hear me.
Depends on how old the houses are. Are old houses have very little if anything in the way of sound proofing.

The walls in my last flat were so thin I could hear my upstairs neighbours fart in the bath.. it was that bad.
So I don't think this young mum would have to be crying very loud at all.

If she was screaming then yes but just crying no.

SnozPoz · 05/12/2022 20:23

pretty certain if you can hear them they can hear you, so it won't be earth shattering for her to realise you have heard her crying. I would find the right moment to have a conversation with her, asking if she's alright and letting her know you're there if ever she wants to come round for a tea and a chat

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