To be sad that DH wants to go part time too?

228 replies

Bobcatbobby · 01/12/2022 14:47

My DH is very hands on with our DD and is a great Dad. We are very equal in terms of responsibilities both with her and around the house, which is exactly what I thought I always wanted when it came to parenting. I was adamant before I got pregnant that I wouldn't be one of those women that did all the donkey work while her husband did the fun stuff. Which is pretty much what I've got and I know I'm very lucky.

I really want to go PT 3 days a week. We can afford this. However my DH has said it would be good if we can each go down to 4 days so we both get a day of during the week with DD and I've said yes because it seems fair. But honestly I'm kind of gutted - 1 day a week doesn't seem enough. I know if I get 2 and he gets 0 that's shit for him which is why I've agreed. But I'm sad about it. We earn similar so it's not an issue financially, just emotionally.

I know we should have discussed this prior to getting pregnant but honestly DD was a bit of a surprise so we have worked things out as we go along. I shared some of my maternity leave with him (I did 9 and he did 3 months) so im not adverse to working while he does the childcare but im just surprised at myself for WANTING to be the one doing it all.

I think I'm probably being massively U as it's 2022 and equality and all that, but would love to hear thoughts on how others would feel about this.

OP posts:

somethinglikethat · 03/12/2022 19:10

CombatBarbie - Says who? You? Most SAHMs I know have cleaners.

Ivyonafence · 03/12/2022 21:51

FelicityFlops · 02/12/2022 21:52

I do not really understand this PT thing.
When my parents had us, my mother went back to work when I was 4 months old (granny came and lived with us).
We then did a huge move when I was 3, at that time my brother was born and my mother stayed at home until my sister was of school age. In those days there was little impact on what is now called "quality of life" or even career as Mother then returned to work and made it to the top of her profession.
I think my father would have loved to have had more time with his small children, he always did any night wakings (including the breast-fed, so bringing the baby and settling afterwards) and adored having the 3 of us to himself.
I should add that my parents, sadly now both dead, married in 1957.
I get the impression that people these days don't actually want to work to earn their living and are happy to cut down hours and claim benefits, but I could be wrong.

Your parents had free live in childcare, and a third adult helping with the household.

It's really not an example many people can follow.

Mardyface · 04/12/2022 08:29

CombatBarbie · 03/12/2022 18:47

It's not that at all, how many posts do we see that are "I'm sahm but expected to do parent and be a housewife" "I'm a sahm, hubby thinks he doesn't have to do anything" "I'm a sahm but he does not interact with the baby"

Or "Im sahm/work part time, I'm expected to do all house and life admin" etc etc etc

If you want to be Sahm, fantastic! If you can afford it, but you should also be picking up more than 50% of the household chores.

I'm fairly certain that no women willingly enters a relationship knowing that as soon as a baby is born she is a 50s stepford wife.

Show quote history

Why do you get to decide what other people 'should' do? Absolutely none of your affair how people choose to organise their lives.

Flip

1 2 ··· 5 6 7 8 9 10

Swipe left for the next trending thread