Come and share your "No, where are you REALLY from?" experiences...

[CupOfCake]

I'm writing this as I feel some people just don't get it. Happy to accept that it's difficult to understand why this question might be so offensive as, well, surely it's just a question...

I am British, I am English. I was born here. I have never lived anywhere else. My mother is English and she brought me up. My childhood was full of cold beach holidays and chattering aunties on the South Coast. Her family are British, going back many, many generations. All of my cultural references are British. My accent couldn't really be more British.

My father's family were originally from a Hispanic country.
SO, whilst being British, I also happen to be slightly brown, kind of very light brown olive/bit of a tan colour with brown eyes and brown hair.

I could not possibly say the number of times I have aggressively been asked, "NO! Where are you REALLY from?"

I have been told "Well, you're definitely not British" many, many times. Or told: "Well you would think that, because you're not from here." in response to any kind of disagreement regarding anything political.

I usually say originally, London (I don't live in London, so it's a logical answer). This reply is rarely enough for the majority of people.
"No, but where are you..?"
I explain which part of London. I then talk about what is basically my cultural heritage - South of England.

Anyone who has experienced this knows what the conversation is REALLY about.

"I'm English." I say.

People then often start to get annoyed. "Where are your parents from?"

Now, because I am sadly a bit of a people pleaser, I will inevitably at some point say, "Oh, well my grandmother was from..." this particular country (prefer not to say on here).

They then relax, smile and say "Ah, you're from [x country]."
"No," I explain, "I am English."
"So," they ask, "how often do you go back home?"

Yes the words GO BACK HOME. These are not obviously swivel-eyed racists. These are people of all ages and many different backgrounds, often the sort of veggie lefties who all think they're so very super right on.

UNFORTUNATELY, MANY BRITISH PEOPLE WILL REFUSE TO ACCEPT ME AS BRITISH/ENGLISH.

Occasionally they'll ask how long I've lived in England, or how I find the rain/ cold weather.

So, why don't I just answer the long version from the start? Well, then forever more I will be CupOfCake from [x country]. In fact, this happened throughout my 20s.

Just to be clear. I don't mind discussing my heritage, in fact I love it.

I just don't want anyone to ask me how often I "GO BACK" to anywhere other than London. Why? because I am English.

I don't want to have to (yet again) defend my right to be simultaneously English and light brown.

I don't want to be told that I don't belong in MY country, that I was BORN in and have LIVED in for over 50 years.

Anyone else care to share?

@BacklogBritain what a really odd thing to say. Why are you amazed people want to live in their home country even if it’s less than perfect? Where else would you live?
British people living in Britain should be pointing out what is wrong with the country surely?

The typical racist response

Ice breaker? My goodness

You really think the exchange between SH and NF was an "ice breaker"??. If you do then...

Well exactly. The idea that people are born and live their whole life within a very small area, just like their parents, grandparents, great grandparents and a dozen generations before that has not been true for a very long time. Most people's home is the place they are currently living in. It's another pointless question because most people won't want to go into the ramifications of the many different places they've lived in with a stranger.

People need to think of better small talk.

Are you a woman? Have you ever experienced any sort of misogyny, prejudice, or sexual abuse because you are one? Assuming yes (which would be true of most women living in the UK) why are you still living in this nasty sexist country?

What do you mean "want to live" we was born in England just like you. It's sheer luck, as to where YOU were born.

The choice was not ours. I'm not sure why you joined the thread because you seem uncomfortable hearing that people are racists and one may think...... that applies to you too also from your post!

Neither do I despite not being white.

Not entitled to any other citizenship

There were some suggestions in an earlier thread that she had attended in some sort of cultural dress, so should have been prepared for questions about her heritage. It wasn’t cultural dress, she had on a brown jumper and an animal print skirt with jewellery.

I am glad somebody else brought this up! I imagined she was in a kanga or something, but she was just in a bit of leopard print! It is NOT “traditional Igbo costume” as somebody described it upthread.

Are we meant to assume that if you wear leopard print you must come from the jungle?? I bet Bet Lynch didn’t get asked “where her people were really from” when she wore leopard print.

I was wondering (not to excuse Lady Hussey at all!) if Lady Hussey is suffering from dementia, as like you say, she must’ve been in those situations lots of times where tact should be used.

Thiswas my first thought too. It smacks of dysinhibtion.

@BacklogBritain so who was you speaking upon not my WHITE blue eyed nana but just her husband that is part of wind rush and built the Country England up because the British your people dem! Did not want the jobs.... and even today its like that there's generation's of people claiming full benefits and not working. Yet people like you will be screaming she's taking OUR jobs!

Yes because the job is available because the British are VERY snobby and turn their noses up about what work they want to do. White British at that and this is how Wind Rush came about......

What about my Carribean Grandma? So because she raised her kids in England she should go back? For the record she always flew back and fourth to THEIR home... and she is living a beautiful life back HOME.

However my mum's father settled in England he came as a young man at 21 worked all his life and bought a house. My mother asked him about going back home.... he said that's not his home West Indies because there's nothing there for him PLUS he's entitled after he worked hard all his life.

We are not living in living on the 70s anymore.

How the hell have your parents raised you???

Or none have felt comfortable enough to say anything afterwards. Many keep silent because they know it either won’t be taken seriously, excused, or resort into victim-blaming and they should simply be grateful for being there because of xyz, or negative repercussions against them for even saying anything.

Is this what this thread is about? If you took time to read, you would have realized this thread is about non-white people BRITISH PEOPLE, who were born and raised here and still get quizzed about where they're really from. So you're comment was just irrelevant and again, racist.

Amazing how I'd like to live in my own country whilst preferring people didn't expect me to explain how I can be light brown and English.
Also, it's certainly not just provincial people saying these things.
Can't I live here and challenge these things, or as a light brown Englishwoman should I just keep quiet?

@inigomontoyahwillcox

I hate a world in which racism and xenophobia is a thing. But I also hate a world in which our diversity (physical and otherwise) cannot be discussed and celebrated.

Please do not impose your need to celebrate diversity on the unsuspecting.

On dementia.

>Thiswas my first thought too. It smacks of dysinhibtion.

Plus wine?

Her persistence was wrong, and I doubt this was the first such incident. However, I suspect there is a little more to this on both sides.

Disinhibition sorry this is quite interesting

www.dementia.org.au/national/support-and-services/carers/behaviour-changes/disinhibited-behaviours#:~:text=Dementia%20can%20affect%20someone's%20inhibitions,strain%20on%20families%20and%20carers.

I sometimes reply to ‘where are you really from?’ with ‘do you have time for a lecture?’ but I’m very clearly white and may well have been speaking a language (competently or at a middling level) that was not expected.

Having contrasting heritages and a serially displaced childhood I’ve never felt I am From any one place, or really belong anywhere.

The Royals and those associated with them are infamous for making racist comments. Has everyone forgotten Dear Departed Prince Philip already? This lady is almost of his generation so any "offense" taken should surely be regarded as unintentional, or better yet filed away under "endearing granny" remarks.