Come and share your "No, where are you REALLY from?" experiences...

[CupOfCake]

I'm writing this as I feel some people just don't get it. Happy to accept that it's difficult to understand why this question might be so offensive as, well, surely it's just a question...

I am British, I am English. I was born here. I have never lived anywhere else. My mother is English and she brought me up. My childhood was full of cold beach holidays and chattering aunties on the South Coast. Her family are British, going back many, many generations. All of my cultural references are British. My accent couldn't really be more British.

My father's family were originally from a Hispanic country.
SO, whilst being British, I also happen to be slightly brown, kind of very light brown olive/bit of a tan colour with brown eyes and brown hair.

I could not possibly say the number of times I have aggressively been asked, "NO! Where are you REALLY from?"

I have been told "Well, you're definitely not British" many, many times. Or told: "Well you would think that, because you're not from here." in response to any kind of disagreement regarding anything political.

I usually say originally, London (I don't live in London, so it's a logical answer). This reply is rarely enough for the majority of people.
"No, but where are you..?"
I explain which part of London. I then talk about what is basically my cultural heritage - South of England.

Anyone who has experienced this knows what the conversation is REALLY about.

"I'm English." I say.

People then often start to get annoyed. "Where are your parents from?"

Now, because I am sadly a bit of a people pleaser, I will inevitably at some point say, "Oh, well my grandmother was from..." this particular country (prefer not to say on here).

They then relax, smile and say "Ah, you're from [x country]."
"No," I explain, "I am English."
"So," they ask, "how often do you go back home?"

Yes the words GO BACK HOME. These are not obviously swivel-eyed racists. These are people of all ages and many different backgrounds, often the sort of veggie lefties who all think they're so very super right on.

UNFORTUNATELY, MANY BRITISH PEOPLE WILL REFUSE TO ACCEPT ME AS BRITISH/ENGLISH.

Occasionally they'll ask how long I've lived in England, or how I find the rain/ cold weather.

So, why don't I just answer the long version from the start? Well, then forever more I will be CupOfCake from [x country]. In fact, this happened throughout my 20s.

Just to be clear. I don't mind discussing my heritage, in fact I love it.

I just don't want anyone to ask me how often I "GO BACK" to anywhere other than London. Why? because I am English.

I don't want to have to (yet again) defend my right to be simultaneously English and light brown.

I don't want to be told that I don't belong in MY country, that I was BORN in and have LIVED in for over 50 years.

Anyone else care to share?

hellycat - surely, if Ngozi’s hair was over her name badge, the best thing for Lady S to have done would be to have simply asked her name? All she had to do was to use her words.

Exactly. We all know she is more than capable of asking questions when it suited her! 😂

I’m half-Italian and got this ALL THE TIME when growing up. Most people assumed Pakistani or Indian heritage. Had a ton of name calling directed at me in the street.

It boggles the mind that this is still an issue in 2022.

Everyone wants to lie about being mixed race so this is why you are asked.
good for you not being a beg and lying about your culture like say Demi rose who is fully English then got a bum job so claims Colombian lol

There's a lot of "I'm all right Jack so there isnt a problem" on this thread.

I'm not sure if people are deliberately missing the point or unable to see it.

I am first gen Australian, my parents are from NZ (mum is Maori, dad is British/Indian) I have naturally brown skin. Without hearing me speak (and hearing my without a doubt Australian accent) I get asked where am I from (meaning ethnicity) mainly by white Australians. When I say Sydney Australia, they then go onto ask NO WHERE are your parents from... Yet I have a friend who is a UK expat and has been here for 35 years she (blonde hair/blue eyes) never gets asked unless they detect an accent. Make this make sense?

There is a difference between my heritage (proud Maori) and my nationality (proud Australian). AND yes I use it when I want/can/need to!

I'm so sorry to all those who experience such racism on a regular basis. It's so messed up!

I'm white from another country, moved here as a child but will always have an accent, and this question really annoys me too. It's not okay to ask this from a complete stranger, even if they have an accent. I'm always uncomfortable replying because I don't feel from the country I was born in, having lived in this one for most of my life. I don't feel like explaining this to strangers, but they always ask the follow up question "so how often do you go back home". Home to my house?!

If I ever visit the country I was born in, I also get treated like a foreigner there. It's quite sad as there is no place in this world I will not be 'othered'.

I've been asked the "where are you really from" question more times than I can count, and in multiple countries too. The worst is when I say that I'm half European and half Asian, and the reply is "Oh, so you're half caste!".

OMG that is hilarious, but in a bad way, hilarious maybe isn’t the word. You do realise you have just ranted about people apparently behaving in a particular way (and I don’t disagree with you) but then have done exactly the same thing yourself! You don’t understand that a Kenyan could be white…?

Honestly most people in this country have better things to worry about than a dodgy-sounding charity worker melting down because some old lady disrespected her dreadlocks.

Perfect summary 😆

Oh FFS read that person's posts, they weren't at all clear. That's what I didn't understand. IIRC the poster was actually temporarily working in Kenya.

Don't you think that if I'd started saying white people can't be African someone other than you in the last 15 or so pages might have commented on it!
I've also known several white Kenyans. There are white communities living in many African countries, obviously!

@CupOfCake Yeah it was the "working in" that needed clarifying

I really don’t get why black people get offended when they are asked where they are really from?

I am African, Nigerian to be precise. I was born here which makes me British, BUT I am from an African heritage.

I get asked “where are you really from?” all the time and I ANSWER it proudly.

I tell them I’m from NIGERIA and I’m proud. To be honest, I feel like sometimes black people take the racism thing too far. I am not saying there isn't racism, there is, I have experienced it. But not every question that has to do with our skin colour is racist.

I am black and if people want to know where I’m REALLY from, I will tell them.

I don’t understand what the issue here is.

Why are you telling me to read their post, of course I read their post “FFS” otherwise why would I have commented on the exchange! And I thought their post was perfectly clear on the first reading. As I say, it is you that seems to have trouble comprehending that there could be a white Kenyan, the irony.

I have had "Go back where you came from snarled at me," which was surprising. Unlike that goady woman, however, I am happy to discuss my ancestral heritage.

snarled at me, not in quotes, ffs. Give us an edit button.

The issue is not taking the answer someone is giving you and that goes for more than just black people. Countless people on this thread of different races and backgrounds have said this.

I don’t mind when people ask where I’m from when my accent shows it but when I’m in my own country and people don’t take the answer I have given which is correct, it’s a problem.

It’s also none of their business and it’s rude to ask a complete stranger and ignore their answers. They don’t owe anyone their life story or that of their family unless THEY choose to talk about it.

If I'd started saying white people can't be African someone other than you in the last 15 or so pages would have commented on it!
I've known several white Kenyans. Kenyans can be white. There are white communities living in many African countries, obviously!

Maybe it's fine for you if you feel that you are "really" from Nigeria.

I'm from England. I have no roots elsewhere. I have never met relatives in the country my grandmother was from. So, all I can say is I really am from England. My heritage is a different question. Happy to answer that too, but not happy to then be told that's where I'm from as I'm not. I am English.

I'm white British with a Mancunian accent. People look at me strangely because I look very Eastern European. I've been referred to as the Latvian and people have spoken to me like I'm "the help" until I opened my mouth and they look quite taken aback.
Someone once said loudly "oh I wish I could get a Polish Nanny" whilst watching me push my daughter in her pram.. I shouted back "I'm English love!" wish I had a pic of her face that day.

Funny thing is I've had my DNA done as I was convinced I was Russian and it came back as 90% British. I've Russian Ancestors but they're that far back it's probably not worth noting.

So yes, white British here and still deal with casual racism. It's a joy isn't it!

@Sleekgurl ahhhh no. One thing would be to say you are African yes you are. However you are not from Nigeria, you were not born there in Nigeria, what is your Mother tongue?. Even still you shouldn't be lying about where you were born.

You can't make bold claims and lie about where you are born. You would be causing confusion and you can tell from the accent straight away from someone who is originally from Nigeria. Do you say that to other fellow Nigerians too? Because I think they would know you are British Nigerian.

It's nice you are proud though.

Are you that basic that you can't recall a conversation? I despair if your poor brain can't memorise more than a few sentences.

I'm not a computer but have recalled in detail, conversations in meetings, with call centres, anecdotes with friends, interviews etc.

The woman works for a charity and probably listens to lots of accounts of women experiencing horrific things. She'd be pretty useless if she couldn't recall anything she'd been told in conversation.

The lengths some will go to to deny her experience is quite astonishing.

Absolutely. They can't see it because some people have veered off topic and started talking about something totally different to OP, COMPLETELY different.

British what though? If you are white British is sufficient.

If you are a ethnic minority you would be expected to expand on "British" are you Black British or ...... it's not enough as a black person to just say British well not on paper anyway.