I was a primary school teacher. I always told my own three children to 'not retaliate' with regards to bullies. I am unaware if they did. I never had any complaints about their behaviour from school.
All three of them were targeted by a certain individual - along with many other children in their primary school at that time.
My children were swung around by their clothes - torn hoods, torn sweatshirt sleeves, torn coat sleeves, cuffs pulled off from clothing. My son was squashed against a wall. My daughter had her shoulder pulled out of socket. She was swung around by her plait. She had her ear drum burst when he screamed in her face. (Blood running from her ear when her father picked her up.) I didn't keep a log of incidents - these are a few I'll always remember.
I was once contacted whilst at work to 'come and pick up your daughter because she is hysterical' after she was kicked on her shin - lump the size of a duck egg when I got to the school.
Other parents involved the police as soon as this individual became 10 years old and we were contacted by them to describe the abuse he had subjected my children to.
Nothing was done. There appeared to be no consequences. School didn't even stop his playtimes (this was when most of the abuse happened - and there were incidents every day). I think that my children would have been safer if the bully was kept in at break times - but the head teacher insisted he needed breaks to 'let off steam'. I even asked if my children could stay in at break times so they didn't encounter this person. (Effectively punish my own children for someone else's behaviour.)
I started my three children at self defence classes. I was intending on telling them it was acceptable to defend themselves (my daughters would not have anyway). They loved the classes until bully boy joined after about six months - the first time he went my daughter ended up with a black eye from him which lasted for 8 weeks. It was a no contact practice. I asked the class leader to ask the boy to leave - he refused, so I didn't take my children back there.
He was expelled from High School before he reached year 8.
This individual is 30 years old now and is in prison serving a long sentence for his cumulative crimes. The latest offence was beating up his expectant girlfriend.
What a wasted life.
My children often refer to the things he did in primary school when reminiscing. Also, the things he did as reported in the local newspaper.
Schools should be more proactive in safeguarding the children in their care and more proactive in preventing bullying. It exists in many forms - and is now inescapable as social media makes intimidation available around the clock.
If I was walking down the street and someone swung me around by my arm, dislocating my shoulder, the police would arrest the perpetrator. We accept that when the law is broken there are consequences. I don't understand why, after the age of criminal responsibility, more action isn't taken against children who repeatedly target children.
Surely prevention is better than cure.
A lot of people think that incidents of bullying aren't that common - the fact is that low level stuff is rife. I did not have time as a teacher to write down/report every incident/complaint - there aren't enough hours in the day. After every break time there would be up to half a dozen children telling me about what happened in the playground. The school policy was that the teacher on break duty would record any reports of bullying so that class time wasn't taken up sorting out constant arguments between children. It was unworkable - the teacher on duty would often have a line of children waiting to report unwanted playground behaviours. The constant low level stuff can be just as damaging as a physical attack.
The PHSE allocation was frequently consisting of how we treat others due to the number of children complaining daily. We would practise how we should react when targeted. It didn't stop unwanted behaviours.
I've heard of too many school bullies becoming work place bullies. (My network of teachers and ex-teachers keep each other up to date with news of achievements and other stuff we hear on the grapevine.)
Bullies should be stopped/made to see the error of their ways in order to protect them from potentially damaging others and themselves.
What is the solution?
I did give my children permission to retaliate at some point - thankfully I didn't hear of any incidents throughout the rest of their education. Perhaps they dealt with any issues themselves. We used to practice set phrases to say in order to 'call out' any unwanted behaviours as they occurred. This still applies. Some would say children can be worse than adults for bullying - but I've seen too many good people leave positions because of the behaviour of other staff. I can't stand bullies - I know they are the product of their own experience, but adults have no excuse for not being able to control their behaviour.
Who is responsible for guiding children to learn self regulation/self control/taking responsibility for their own actions/there are consequences for unwanted behaviours?