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Original poster

To be proud of my son for standing up to his bully?

308 replies

Spreeofthemoment · 30/11/2022 17:09

My DS is in y6. One boy in particular has been making his(and a few others) life hell he’s it wanted to go to school because of him. Well today, he snapped and floored this boy after he came and pushed DS over(he’s always pushing him!). This boys nose was bleeding. I got a call off the head and told him I won’t be punishing my son and that I’m proud of him for standing up for himself and showing this boy he won’t be bullied anymore, as clearly the school weren’t doing anything to protect my son!

OP posts:
PToosher · 01/12/2022 11:05

Goldbar · 01/12/2022 10:49

It is entirely acceptable to use reasonable force in self-defence. No one should be expected to just stand there and endure violence and the school is wrong to suggest he has behaved badly in defending himself. We are all entitled to defend our physical integrity against attacks.

I totally agree.
And there is no requirement to wait until the aggressor batters you before you begin to defend yourself. The threat is enough.

PetraBP · 01/12/2022 11:12

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Yes actually.

DH was bullied for two years at school and never hit back because the school had a “no hitting back” policy where the victim was meant to tell teacher after the event but never retaliate or do anything physical in self defence.

If teacher was told, then the bully and victim would be invited to a no-judgement mediation conference, each with a parent or other professional present to discuss the “way forward”.

It never worked though and DH would get bullied worse for “grassing”.

DH had too much fear of school rules to break them and the cycle just carried on.

In the end, DH lost it with the bully and beat him up while the bully was in the process of attacking him.

The bully never went near him again, and by the time they were in sixth form they were actually on reasonable terms.

So yes, standing up to bullies does work.

Aposterhasnoname · 01/12/2022 11:33

So all the “violence never helps” mob wouldn’t fight back if a random person attacked them in the street then? Oh, you would? So it’s just kids you expect to stand there being humiliated and physically hurt until the bullies get bored and let them go so they can tell someone?

What if an adult tries to drag them away? Are they allowed to fight then? Where’s the line? My DD was told if anyone ever laid a finger on her without permission she should fight like a cat in a sack. She was never bullied.

I however was horribly bullied at school by many different kids. Telling the teacher resulted in worse bullying for “grassing” until the day I hit back. One bully, one time. No one ever bothered me again. Does that sound like not working to you?

You can tell who’s never been bullied on this thread.

Milly2022 · 01/12/2022 11:36

Good for him. There's only one way to deal with a bully before the bullying turns to physical assault. Your son done the right thing.
Bullies are cowards and need to be stopped before it goes too far. The schools usually go out of their way to coddle the bully and the kids on the receiving end just have to suck it up.

hookiewookie29 · 01/12/2022 11:39

@OOoooohMatron it's changed her completely. She's not the girl she was before it all happened.
And these weren't 10 year olds- they were 15/16 year old girls who knew better 😪😪😪

FantaFour · 01/12/2022 11:41

MolesOnPoles · 30/11/2022 17:14

No, I’d be ashamed if my son used violence.

Oh bugger off. This is why bullies and thugs exist because of people like you who never support victims. So the POS finally got a taste of his own medicine but now you want sympathy for him. Pathetic!

OoooohMatron · 01/12/2022 12:21

hookiewookie29 · 01/12/2022 11:39

@OOoooohMatron it's changed her completely. She's not the girl she was before it all happened.
And these weren't 10 year olds- they were 15/16 year old girls who knew better 😪😪😪

I hate bullies so much. I personally think the police should get involved more often and not just for physical violence. Its now illegal for spouses to be financially abusive and use coercive control etc so why the hell are school bullies allowed to get away with it. I do hope your daughter can move on from her experience in time x

thepenismightier · 01/12/2022 12:23

Peoniesandcream · 01/12/2022 10:45

All the "holier than thou" pp's saying he should be ashamed for fighting back are the kind of people who have never had a fight in their life and I suppose would just let their child be bullied forever?

Don't be silly. I was bullied at school; fortunately, I moved away from the place where I grew up, and have no contact with the vile people who bullied me. I can't begin to imagine why anyone would have their old bully on social media (though I can't begin to imagine why anyone uses social media full stop, so maybe that's the answer). It's true that I've never had a fight in my life, though. I don't know anyone who has, either.

One of my DC was badly bullied and the school dealt with it swiftly and effectively, through the proper channels. It never happened again. But some schools are more effective than others, and some parents don't sit back and wait for their child to thump the bully.

hookiewookie29 · 01/12/2022 12:45

@OOoooohMatron thank you, I absolutely agree! If they think they're tough enough to bully someone, then they're tough enough to sit in a police cell because of it
I told the school that my next call was to the police and the governors and sicual medua- one of which I knew- before they realised I was serious, and that what was happening was serious. I also told them that I wanted all the girls to know that me and my daughter's dad had made the complaint ,not my daughter and that if any of them had a problem with it then they were welcome to come and knock on my door and speak to me! Funnily enough they never did!

SinnerBoy · 01/12/2022 13:04

though I can't begin to imagine why anyone uses social media full stop, so maybe that's the answer).

The irony of that quip is hilarious! Are you aware that Mumsnet is a social medium?

Pebbledashery · 01/12/2022 13:08

I would be proud of him standing up to his bullies, but two wrongs don't make a right.

ComfortablyDazed · 01/12/2022 13:18

I can't begin to imagine why anyone would have their old bully on social media

The pp said their old bully tried to add them on SM and they blocked them….?

One of my DC was badly bullied and the school dealt with it swiftly and effectively, through the proper channels.

That sentence doesn’t make sense. How can someone be ‘badly bullied’ and yet the school dealt with it ‘swiftly and effectively’?

Was it a one-off episode of bullying? Then it’s hardly ‘badly bullied’. If it was sustained bullying, then the school did not deal with it ‘swiftly and effectively’ at all.

Nagado · 01/12/2022 13:21

Yet another generation of boys learning violence. Fucking wonderful. What exactly do you think boys AND girls are learning when they’re told to rely on ineffective adults who think that asking child A not to be unkind will stop child B from getting the shit kicked out of them every time said adult turns their back?

@cansu May I ask what you’re doing to stop the bullies and, if it is so effective, why you’re seeing children being made to feel like they have no option but to take matters into their own hands and attempt to defend themselves physically?

PToosher · 01/12/2022 17:55

Pebbledashery · 01/12/2022 13:08

I would be proud of him standing up to his bullies, but two wrongs don't make a right.

Fortunately, defending yourself isn't a 'wrong'.

Bananalanacake · 01/12/2022 19:04

I was verbally bullied, didn't need to use physical violence, just followed my mum's advice of, ignore them and they will get bored. So I was delighted when I saw my bully in the town centre pushing a toddler in a pushchair looking utterly miserable. I thought 'got what you deserved you bitch, a life of never going out at night, no lie ins, just cleaning up shit, piss and puke for years' I wanted to point and laugh but managed not to, I didn't want to stoop to her level.
Disclaimer: I now realise that having a child isn't all that bad, but my mum did a very good job of convincing me not to have kids as it's so much work.

TheaBrandt · 01/12/2022 21:56

Hookie my heart goes out to you and your Dd xxx. Dd2 had a tiny taste of that when her ex group turned on her and not only excluded her but then set out to ostracise her with lies and rumours so no one else would be friends with her either. Lunch alone. Walked home alone. One of the teachers kept her behind and said “stay strong same thing happened to me you are better than them”. It was pure hell. It resolved thank god.

My bookish studious never put a foot wrong older Dd shoved Dd2 lead bully into a hedge. Never been prouder.

TruckerBarbie · 01/12/2022 22:40

Sprouttreesareamazing · 30/11/2022 17:21

My ds was bullied at secondary school.. Including shoved in front of a bus. One day ds hit him. Wasn't bullied again.
Years later another ds moved school in secondary.. New kid getting grief... My lovely ds shocked me by head butting the lad.. The lad actually shook his hand and all was well. School backed off with any punishment.. Ds never had anymore trouble.. Sometimes ime it is the best way.

Agreed. Sometimes it's the simplest and most effective way of dealing with a bully. I can't get upset about somebody giving a bully a lump.

TruckerBarbie · 01/12/2022 22:48

Just reading back some of the sanctimonious posts. 😂

Being able to defend yourself physically is good thing and it boosts your self confidence. Violence is instinctual to humans and whoever claims otherwise is deluded. We largely suppress it but if somebody physically hits or bullies you then they deserve it back. To allow somebody to do that you unchallenged isn't a good thing.

Pumperthepumper · 02/12/2022 19:03

TruckerBarbie · 01/12/2022 22:48

Just reading back some of the sanctimonious posts. 😂

Being able to defend yourself physically is good thing and it boosts your self confidence. Violence is instinctual to humans and whoever claims otherwise is deluded. We largely suppress it but if somebody physically hits or bullies you then they deserve it back. To allow somebody to do that you unchallenged isn't a good thing.

No, thats just bullshit. Nobody is biologically violent.

ComfortablyDazed · 02/12/2022 19:28

So the ‘hunter’ part of ‘hunter/gatherer’ refers to…..?

I’m sure our cave(wo)man days consisted of sitting around, shooting the breeze, waiting for food to fall onto our plates….

As the pp says, we largely do - and should - suppress it now. But throw enough punches, and you should expect one back.

Pumperthepumper · 02/12/2022 19:37

ComfortablyDazed · 02/12/2022 19:28

So the ‘hunter’ part of ‘hunter/gatherer’ refers to…..?

I’m sure our cave(wo)man days consisted of sitting around, shooting the breeze, waiting for food to fall onto our plates….

As the pp says, we largely do - and should - suppress it now. But throw enough punches, and you should expect one back.

Being forced to kill for food is the same as being violent to fellow humans? Are you sure?

Aria999 · 02/12/2022 20:36

"Nobody is biologically violent "

I found this interesting so googled it, it seems to be a controversial issue.

I like this article

https://philosophynow.org/issues/105/AreHumannBeingsNaturallyyViolentAndd_Warlike

which ends as follows;

There is a story, said to be of Cherokee origin, that speaks to this matter, and to our shared responsibility. A young girl was troubled by a recurring dream in which two wolves fought viciously with each other. When she recounted the dream to her grandfather, a village elder renowned for his wisdom, he explained that there are two wolves inside everyone, one peaceful and the other warlike. At this, the girl was even more upset, and asked which one wins. Her grandfather’s response: “The one you feed.”

ComfortablyDazed · 03/12/2022 00:00

Pumperthepumper · 02/12/2022 19:37

Being forced to kill for food is the same as being violent to fellow humans? Are you sure?

Show quote history

You think they only had to use physical force to get food ….? Confused

crimsonpeak · 03/12/2022 05:21

Spreeofthemoment · 30/11/2022 17:09

My DS is in y6. One boy in particular has been making his(and a few others) life hell he’s it wanted to go to school because of him. Well today, he snapped and floored this boy after he came and pushed DS over(he’s always pushing him!). This boys nose was bleeding. I got a call off the head and told him I won’t be punishing my son and that I’m proud of him for standing up for himself and showing this boy he won’t be bullied anymore, as clearly the school weren’t doing anything to protect my son!

Good for him OP.

AnyOldThings · 03/12/2022 06:47

@Spreeofthemoment
Just wanted to say bloody well done to your son! So sick of living in a world where bullies are protected as if they’re the victims. Bullying leads to life long issues for many and I for one am bloody proud of your son too.