To be proud of my son for standing up to his bully?

[Spreeofthemoment]

My DS is in y6. One boy in particular has been making his(and a few others) life hell he’s it wanted to go to school because of him. Well today, he snapped and floored this boy after he came and pushed DS over(he’s always pushing him!). This boys nose was bleeding. I got a call off the head and told him I won’t be punishing my son and that I’m proud of him for standing up for himself and showing this boy he won’t be bullied anymore, as clearly the school weren’t doing anything to protect my son!

We tell ds that he must never hit first but he is allowed to defend himself and will never get into trouble for it from us.
I was bullied for years resulting in me leaving school at 16 when I was capable of doing much more.I wish my parents had taught me that it was OK to stick up for myself.

@locketrocket exactly what we told ours as well
Never had to use it at school luckily

The problem with this is either the bully backs down from now on and leaves your son alone or that he brings his other little shitty friends or brothers or parents into it to darken your door. This is what I had to face when at school as the bully was part of a certain community that had loads of brothers and sisters and cousins and relatives that would cause more violence to hurt you and your family so I didn't defend my self although I was 5'10 and athletic and bully was 5'5 skinny mouthy little bitch which I could have floored her with my shadow.

@Pumperthepumper hit him harder ?obviously not that but i mean really you hope it stops it if it doesn't you then decide.
But everyone has a limit as an adult would you not hit back if someone hit you or defend yourself at least
The OP ds hit his limit today and OP can discuss what to do next if it continues but often it doesn't.

*Hurt me and my family

@crownandfillers shame we live in a world where this is ok and the schools don't have more powers or where maybe parents have to take accountability for their kids

The problem especially if you live in places like London is that if a conflict like this arises, be sure that they will come back with a knife. Sometimes it's best to be just bullied or even better change schools than get stabbed for revenge on the way back home from school just because you decided to stand up for yourself. This applies to adults too whether it's worth it because you'll never know if the person you are standing up to has a weapon on them or not.

It always does. People parrot ‘and he never did it again!’ but that’s not true. Like I said, I’ve never seen a retaliation that improved a situation.

Yeah I wouldn’t be punishing him either.

Sometimes physical retaliation IS the necessary response. Lashing out in unprovoked violence is very different to acting in self defence.

Good for your son standing up for himself and others who were being bullied. I bet the bully won't mess with him again.

Exactly right!

I'll give you two exceptions to it always does: first was a boy that used to bully me until I snapped and laid into him. He never bothered me again. Second was the example of my sone that I posted earlier. He retaliated after months of bullying and again there was nothing after.

Of course your son should have did what he did.

There was no other option by that point, surely?

I don't understand these people who say he shouldn't have resorted to violence. Is he supposed to go through life just putting up with it?? Enough is enough, he had to defend himself.

Haven't read all the responses but looks like the majority agree your boy did well x

So what happens when he can’t communicate effectively and someone is bullying him and he hits them hard / it is usually the first ‘hands on’ which is regarded to be the start of the incident (the judge will ask why the other side didn’t walk away or phone the police etc) and someone pulls out a knife or gun and retaliates?

if Violence was the answer why not let any arguing married couple sort it out with a punch up? Or why not the nagging wife get a fist in her face?

you can’t have it both ways

He never bothered you again? Never even said a word to you?

How about you read some PPs experiences before you brand people 'thick'. There are some fucking wet wipes on here for sure. 'Move schools', 'teach your kids to defend themselves without violence', 'join the PTA'. Get a bloody grip.

There was a kid that kept running up to my lad on the school run and wacking him. This kid specifically sought out my lad to hit him.

I spoke to the mother and asked her to tell her son to leave my son alone. She was like a wet blanket. Boys will be boys and all that...

Then, by chance my son accidentally hit this kid with a door, very hard, right in the face. The kids was trying to stop my boy from getting out, then stepped back, just as my lad pushed the door with all his might. The kid ran crying to his Mum. I was willing her to come and say something to me as she would've got a mouthful back!

Anyway, this child never laid a finger on my son again. Bullied other kids mercilessly for years but stayed well clear if my boy. Sometimes a thump back is the only language these kids understand.

Well if the school had been more proactive in dealing with the bully, the Ops son would not have been in a mindframe that he's snapped and hit back!!

I actually had another Mum see it happen and she said secretly cheered for my son as this kid was a well known bully (unbeknownst to me).

Good for him I'd be proud of him too op xx

I'd be proud of him. My DD did similar after months of bullying and school had been worse than useless. School tried to give her a detention for 2 days I said absolutely not because if they'd done their job in the first place the situation wouldn't have happened.
People saying it was wrong have probably never watched their child being bullied, had to deal with the tears, nightmares, school refusal, or watched their child's confidence disappearing every day.

Absolutely never. In fact I don't think he even spoke to me again.