I know I am but this child was talking non stop for 45 minutes

[Eastie77Returns]

Went to a cafe with a friend this afternoon. A woman came in with 2 children aged about 5 who sat next to us. One of the children spoke loudly non-stop for the entire duration of our stay. It was loud enough that my friend and I couldn’t hear ourselves speak at times and when I say non-stop, the child did not stop at all.

On a few occasion child’s mother made a gentle shh sound but otherwise just stared into the middle distance. If we hadn’t ordered food we honestly would have left earlier. The talking was not the problem really it was the shouting and screeching “MUMMY DID YOU KNOW..” constantly. Loud child placed her hand over the mouth of the other child when that child tried to speak and shouted over her. At one point the child asked me about my book which was on the table next to me. I answered politely and she then proceeded to bellow at me for about 5 minutes. In the end I had to stop answering her as she would not stop. Mum did not intervene. The people on the other side got up and moved to another table at one point - sadly we were too slow to do the same.

We left as soon as we’d finished eating and got a coffee at another cafe nearby.

Flame away but oh my fucking god. AIBU to be really annoyed that the parent did nothing to stop this annoying child??! And yes, I have DC. One is very chatty and I would not have permitted this kind of loud behaviour.

My takeaway from some of these responses is that no adult is ever allowed to complain about a child’s behaviour or even feel annoyed just in case said child has additional needs.

This reminds me, I was beside a mother and daughter recently in a restaurant where the tables are slightly too close together for comfort. As soon as their meals were served the child, about 7 or 8 started talking. And did not stop. I think the mother tuned out while appearing to be answering.

As for me, I gave the occasional surreptitious look of fascination wondering how she could simply talk nonstop while eating. I don't think she actually ate anything though. 🤣

I wouldn’t feel comfortable making it clear the child was bothering me though.

Of course you can’t blame the child which is why it’s up to the parents.

Personally, I think there’s 2 issues here.

child being loud- Op being unreasonable-some kids are just loud

child talking to/bothering OP- Op INBU

😆

I can blame her. That kid should have been running around a park or something, not indoors bothering innocent strangers.

How do you know she’d not just been to the park for the last two hours before going to the coffee shop? Are children not allowed in indoor public spaces where you live? I wonder how they experience things outside of their little worlds of home/school/park then?

Think about this for one second, would you really want to spend every single time you went out to every possible new person you meet explaining about your child?

The child is a person, you know, and can hear you (or lip read, if it's deafness) don't you think it would be really demeaning for them to constantly hear themselves being apologised for and explained away?

Would you really want to get into conversations with stupid opinionated people who have decided ASD (or whatever) doesn't actually exist and is just poor parenting? Because I'm sure it would invite a lot of that. Again, in front of your child.

It's exhausting enough parenting a special needs child without having to explain to everybody that you come across. Maybe people should just assume parents are doing their best rather than assuming they are being lazy.

YANBU but there may be SEN. Even so, the mother needs to intervene and set boundaries

I like the sound of the mum.

Just drifted off to her happy place with a nice coffee.

What a bizarre thread! What a load of miseries most of you are.

Reminds me of a rather tense flight home a few years ago when we experienced considerable turbulence on the approach to Heathrow. I hate flying and I was not enjoying the descent at all. It was very quiet all across the packed plane except for one poor woman who kept vomiting. Then a little voice piped up from the back, in a very interested tone 'Is the plane going to crash, Dad?' Relieved the tension somewhat! I was relieved to find it in me to laugh.

You’ve said you have a DC and would not have permitted this behaviour - if a child has additional needs what do you expect the parent to do?? Maybe you don’t understand what it’s like. Nobody is saying you’re not allowed to feel annoyed but you had solutions - move seats, move cafes if you were that bothered. You’re an adult and can make those choices. For some children they can’t help but shout or talk non stop. This isn’t a choice for them and I’m sure if the mother could she would have sat enjoying her coffee in peace without the talking as well!
You’re unreasonable for being so bothered by a 5 year old chatting to you that you took the time to post your story on the internet.

What by infanticide?

I was left with a talkative child in a queue once with a couple of friends. We understood after 15 minutes why her mother hadn't come back yet.....

Well I suppose no one can say anyone is BU to be annoyed. We can't help what annoys us.

As the parent of a chatterer (yes he has SEN) I think my tolerance levels are just in a totally different place and if he did that I may not even realise he was, or that it might bother others because it's just my "normal". He is literally incapable of whispering or controlling his impulses to talk.

I couldn't get het up about a chatting 5 yo. And they are allowed to have a break rather than frolicking in the outdoors 24/7 I take mine to cafes regularly.

One option would be not being in a public restaurant unless you can do so without severely inconveniencing other people. Eating out is not an essential part of life.

I feel for the mother but you are right. If her child was that loud and she could not control them and people are moving away from the table because of it she should have left. Kids learn quickly that bad behaviour means leaving early and leaving early is not fun.

Nobody has said that you can't/shouldn't find it annoying, you are entitled to feel however you like.

But I don't think it's nice to post on a public forum inviting judgement, whether that was your intention or not, that's what some people have taken it as an invitation to do.

And (whether this specific child had SN or not because it's not the point) I don't think SN parents ought to feel obliged to constantly explain, nor restrict their children to parks and never go into coffee shops, (god knows they are probably already avoiding any number of destinations already anyway) nor develop magical powers and be able to make their child not have SN.

I'm not saying this child definitely had SN because obviously nobody on here could say that, nor that the behaviour could only be caused by SN.

But the tone of some responses feels a bit like "SN children have no right to exist" and I find that offensive.

We go out a fair bit and I can’t recall a chatty child annoying me. A wailing or crying one might.

I’d just zone out from a chatty one

Is talking in a restaurant “severely inconveniencing” other people? If you need to drink coffee and eat a pastry in silence, you can do that at home. Eating out is not an essential part of life.

On the bus last week, young lad with the most piercing voice at the top of his lungs told the rest of the bus everything he knew about dinosaurs. One poor woman had her fingers in her ears.

It was a cafe.

And the OP didn't say how busy it was.

Also children with SEN/disabilities do need to go out and learn how to interact with other members of society.

YANBU the women should have parented her child but as someone who works with SEND children all day you do learn the ability to go deaf.

I very much doubt she was purposely ignoring her child and more like just zones out from it.

@ZeldaWillTellYourFortune I can blame her. That kid should have been running around a park or something, not indoors bothering innocent strangers.

Yeah the only place kids are allowed is a park 🙄

I meet a group of friends once a month on a Saturday morning. Last time we met there was a woman on the next table with a very noisy toddler, not talking but yelling. Loud enough to drown out what my friends were saying much of the time. I know you have to expect coffee shops to be busy on a Saturday morning but even so it was annoying.