I know I am but this child was talking non stop for 45 minutes

[Eastie77Returns]

Went to a cafe with a friend this afternoon. A woman came in with 2 children aged about 5 who sat next to us. One of the children spoke loudly non-stop for the entire duration of our stay. It was loud enough that my friend and I couldn’t hear ourselves speak at times and when I say non-stop, the child did not stop at all.

On a few occasion child’s mother made a gentle shh sound but otherwise just stared into the middle distance. If we hadn’t ordered food we honestly would have left earlier. The talking was not the problem really it was the shouting and screeching “MUMMY DID YOU KNOW..” constantly. Loud child placed her hand over the mouth of the other child when that child tried to speak and shouted over her. At one point the child asked me about my book which was on the table next to me. I answered politely and she then proceeded to bellow at me for about 5 minutes. In the end I had to stop answering her as she would not stop. Mum did not intervene. The people on the other side got up and moved to another table at one point - sadly we were too slow to do the same.

We left as soon as we’d finished eating and got a coffee at another cafe nearby.

Flame away but oh my fucking god. AIBU to be really annoyed that the parent did nothing to stop this annoying child??! And yes, I have DC. One is very chatty and I would not have permitted this kind of loud behaviour.

Obvious exceptions such as SEN/neurodiversity aside, it's absolute bollocks to say you 'can't control' a child. Imo most people are capable of teaching their children how to behave in public. And to suggest people should just not go out if they don't want to encounter annoying behaviour is breathtakingly entitled.

@Devora13

@freyamay74
Okay let me put this another way. I have several times recently been in a public space with someone who has a young person who is non verbal and makes lots of loud noises as a way to communicate. Should they also 'control the child' or not take them out in public to avoid offending others?

Where did I suggest they should never take them out in public? It's really not helpful to exaggerate or misrepresent what other posters write.

I said that everyone has a right to not be adversely affected by others. Sometimes that may mean curtailing or avoiding certain activities at certain times.
^
To give an example, when I had one dc I could quite happily go to a cafe with her knowing she wouldn't disturb anyone. If by some random chance, she was affecting others' enjoyment then I would of course have moved/ left.

By the time I had 3 kids I avoided cafes with them because one child was particularly loud and unpredictable, and I knew my limits and that I wouldn't be able to manage the situation easily with all 3. So I changed^ my routines to manage my children which I chose to have.

The mother didn’t have a newborn or buggy (I do recall the sleep deprived days when mine were tiny).

My DC wakes up 3-4 times a night and often starts the day at 5. On a bad night won't sleep until 10 or later.

He's nearly 7.

You don't have to have a newborn to be broken by sleep deprivation.

It doesn’t matter whether the mum is on the verge of sleep-deprivation psychosis, or whether she’s just fed up of her blathering child, or whether she’s just able to tune it out and was dreaming about being whisked away to a private island by Poldark.

None of this has anything to do with OP. The fact that she entertained the child is real kindness but is not required, and she’s perfectly entitled to feel annoyed about having her own meal disrupted by it.

Having a child and being tired of that child doesn’t give you a pass to inflict the child on someone else to give you a break. Anyone who actually does give you that break should be gratefully received, not regarded as fulfilling some sort of responsibility or duty.

I think people are reading some sort of draconian 'seen and not heard' thing into the word 'control' in this context, and I don't actually think that's what anyone is suggesting. Of course children are allowed to talk, and play, and do kid things. But what is so terrible about suggesting they should be taught there's a time and a place for certain types of behaviour? Children do need boundaries and rules and it's the job of the parent to provide them.

@Tigofigo I honestly do not know how you manage.
This is why I am an advocate of sleep training.

God, me too. I wouldn’t allow a seven year old to get up that early. I’d demand they stayed in their room, surely they’re big enough to understand?? What involvement does a kid that age need from his mother when he wakes, too?

Totally agree, you don't negotiate with a child FFS

I literally wrote after the sentence you copied above that she might still have been exhausted (i.e. even if she didn’t have a newborn).

Police officers are taught negotiation techniques. Not in a situation where safety is at stake obviously but most of the time, yes. It's the respectful and sensible and peaceful thing to do.

DS has ASD and can do this for hours - talking at you at volume. Usually when he’s tired and not coping with all the other stimulus. Drove his teachers up the wall with whistling and humming to fill the silences and having absolutely no self control or sense of the other conversation participant as being in any way human or important or a person in their own right.

i try really hard to have it not inconvenience other people but sometimes I tune him out because the alternative is either drop kicking him into next week or messy crying into the cup of tea I’ve only bought because I bribed him with hot chocolate to go to school this morning. I try but I’m only human.

you saw some imperfect parenting. It’s good to know that there are perfect parents out there OP, but can you please extend your perfection to starting from the assumption of “people try their best” rather than “everyone else is a fuckwit” - it would make the world a better and more tolerant place for people like my DS.

I honestly think some parents believe teaching your child there is a time and place for certain behaviour is draconian. There seems to be a school of thought that children must be allowed to express themselves any way they see fit and attempting to curtail that is almost tantamount to child abuse. It is why so many people on this thread think it was perfectly acceptable for the little girl to interrupt two strangers engaged in a private conversation and bombard me with questions. After all, kids are curious so why shouldn’t she expect me to entertain her and chat?

YABU. But only because you have no context of what the mother's day had been like.

Maybe she had just stopped at the closest 'safe' place to home where she could zone out & know her children knew the surroundings having just been to the morgue to identify her parent/spouse/best friend?

Maybe she'd just been diagnosed with terminal cancer and was mulling over who the hell else on the planet would be able to tolerate raising her 'chatty' DD?

Probably not. But you just never know!

If it was the 5th week in a row of the same behaviour, at the same time, in the same place, I would respond differently.

I don't understand how anyone has voted OP as being unreasonable?!
Reading her posts, she interacted with the child for a little while before stopping (which she had zero obligation to do, it's not strangers' jobs to entertain other people's children), she wasn't rude to the mum, she wasn't rude to the child, she didn't kick off or ask for the mum and her kids to move, and she didn't tell the loud child to stfu. She's just ranting on here? Even the title of her post says "I know I am [being unreasonable]".
Adults are allowed to feel frustrated by loud children in public places. It doesn't mean kids should be banned or designated to child-only places, it just means we can all be accepting of the fact children can be very, very annoying and sometimes you want to vent and get it off your chest.
I have many beautiful children in my life but there's plenty in my family and extended social circle who can be incredibly annoying at times. Doesn't mean I don't love them, or don't want to be around them, or that I judge their parents; it just means they can be annoying and draining, and how you feel is how you feel.

OMG THIS. Agree with every word. I'm baffled by some of the responses on here.

There are a million and one things adults do in public that are unpleasant to me, they smell, they are rude to others, they have an annoying voice, they are loud etc but you can’t control them
Which are as annoying and clearly are the result of their own parents not teaching them to behave in public.

Once a few years ago, met in a small cafe with friends I had not seen for sometimes. The excitement got over us and we were unaware how loud we were getting. Someone came to us and asked if we could tuned it down. I looked at them and just apologised profusely. They are absolutely right and we did tuned it down.

@MeandT why does context only matter for the other woman? For all she knew, the OP or indeed anyone else in the cafe could be having a shit day, or some life crisis.

I'm surprised by the amount of people saying the Mum didn't parent her? I'm so confused what's wrong with a child talking. If she was screaming, throwing things, making a mess I could understand but talking?! That is just bonkers to be annoyed about. Maybe that's why I work with children 😂and love it! Love hearing them chatter away about their day

@bringincrazyback I don't understand the comments "can't control" and "teaching a child how to behave in public" ... the child was talking... loudly .. like children do. Happily chatting away to her Mum. What is the problem 😅

YANBU at all. The Costa I go is like a crèche some days. I have grown children now and my partner and I go out for a quiet coffee and a chat. I do not like seeing the mothers ignore their children while they run around on a sugar high.

A local independent coffee close to where I lived was over-run by groups of parents with buggies. I frequently saw toddlers running amok with the poor staff trying to avoid tipping hot drinks and food over them whilst parents sat chatting, totally oblivious. The owners asked people not to bring large buggies in but were ignored.

Finally they re-arranged the layout of the cafe to make it less appealing to the buggy brigade and were slaughtered on Social Media by angry parents who tried to set up a petition to boycott it!. Fortunately other loyal customers rallied round and I was glad to see it continues to thrive as the remaining customers are finally able to enjoy coffee in peace.

Sounds like an episode of Motherland 😂😂

Did you miss the part where she was talking to to OP and wouldn't shut up?

Ever since my son started talking, I've asked him if he can hear anybody else shouting in the supermarket/cafe/queue/etc. I've told him that shouting isn't allowed and, if he doesn't stop, we'll be told to leave and we won't be able to buy food anymore. Even at the age of 1 he understood and STFU.

Kids need to learn social conventions from a young age.

That being said, we were on a flight back from Spain when he was 18 months old. The flight was delayed and he got overly tired and, as we came into land, was loudly telling the plane about the dangers of the hot coffee machine. At that point, I just let him crack on. He was too tired to be reasoned with and had been pretty good for the entire flight. Some other passengers were kind enough to engage with him.

I go to a local community cafe a lot, and it will be a designated Warm Space in the coming months. I fear parents letting their kids run feral in them is going to be a common occurrence.