Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I know I am but this child was talking non stop for 45 minutes

396 replies

Eastie77Returns · 30/11/2022 15:59

Went to a cafe with a friend this afternoon. A woman came in with 2 children aged about 5 who sat next to us. One of the children spoke loudly non-stop for the entire duration of our stay. It was loud enough that my friend and I couldn’t hear ourselves speak at times and when I say non-stop, the child did not stop at all.

On a few occasion child’s mother made a gentle shh sound but otherwise just stared into the middle distance. If we hadn’t ordered food we honestly would have left earlier. The talking was not the problem really it was the shouting and screeching “MUMMY DID YOU KNOW..” constantly. Loud child placed her hand over the mouth of the other child when that child tried to speak and shouted over her. At one point the child asked me about my book which was on the table next to me. I answered politely and she then proceeded to bellow at me for about 5 minutes. In the end I had to stop answering her as she would not stop. Mum did not intervene. The people on the other side got up and moved to another table at one point - sadly we were too slow to do the same.

We left as soon as we’d finished eating and got a coffee at another cafe nearby.

Flame away but oh my fucking god. AIBU to be really annoyed that the parent did nothing to stop this annoying child??! And yes, I have DC. One is very chatty and I would not have permitted this kind of loud behaviour.

OP posts:
juice92 · 02/12/2022 19:37

I agree with you. I have a cousin who talks none stop and when I say talk, I really mean shouts. She has no concept of how loud she is being, because she was never told as a child. If someone else tries to speak she'll go "you NEVER let me speak" even if she has been wittering on none stop for an hour. It is annoying and embarrassing and if it had been dealt with years ago she wouldn't do it now

luxxlisbon · 02/12/2022 20:47

bringincrazyback · 02/12/2022 11:12

Obvious exceptions such as SEN/neurodiversity aside, it's absolute bollocks to say you 'can't control' a child. Imo most people are capable of teaching their children how to behave in public. And to suggest people should just not go out if they don't want to encounter annoying behaviour is breathtakingly entitled.

Show quote history

I actually said you can’t control other adults so maybe read the post you are quoting before going on a rant. And you can’t control other people in public, if something as simple as a young child talking too much bothers you then perhaps that person should be the one limiting their public excursions not the child.
She was only talking for god sake, she wasn’t tantruming, running, messing about, banging toys on the table etc she was talking.

luxxlisbon · 02/12/2022 20:52

XenoBitch · 02/12/2022 19:31

I go to a local community cafe a lot, and it will be a designated Warm Space in the coming months. I fear parents letting their kids run feral in them is going to be a common occurrence.

Show quote history

Why do you think people who can’t afford to heat their houses are likely to have “feral” children?

ThisGirlNever · 02/12/2022 21:01

Why do you think people who can’t afford to heat their houses are likely to have “feral” children?

Reality?

XenoBitch · 02/12/2022 21:06

luxxlisbon · 02/12/2022 20:52

Why do you think people who can’t afford to heat their houses are likely to have “feral” children?

Show quote history

Where did I say that?
More parents and more kids in a space means more chance of parents turning a blind eye to their little darlings shitty behaviour.

ThisGirlNever · 02/12/2022 21:19

The worst feral behaviour I've ever seen was in Moss Side Manchester. Just saying.

antelopevalley · 02/12/2022 21:23

The most feral behaviour I have seen was a very posh mum with si children. I suspect they were usually looked after by the nanny as the children totally ignored her pleading and did whatever they felt like.

bringincrazyback · 02/12/2022 21:34

LovelyIssues · 02/12/2022 17:16

@bringincrazyback I don't understand the comments "can't control" and "teaching a child how to behave in public" ... the child was talking... loudly .. like children do. Happily chatting away to her Mum. What is the problem 😅

The child wasn't just 'happily chatting away', she was talking loudly, without stopping, for at least 45 minutes, as well as buttonholing strangers and preventing another child from speaking. While the mum sat there and did nothing. That's the parenting fail problem.

'Can't control' was a reference to a pp claiming you 'can't control' children, which is just bollocks as far as I'm concerned.

bringincrazyback · 02/12/2022 21:41

luxxlisbon · 02/12/2022 20:47

I actually said you can’t control other adults so maybe read the post you are quoting before going on a rant. And you can’t control other people in public, if something as simple as a young child talking too much bothers you then perhaps that person should be the one limiting their public excursions not the child.
She was only talking for god sake, she wasn’t tantruming, running, messing about, banging toys on the table etc she was talking.

Show quote history

I misread the initial 'can't control' sentence, I stand corrected on that, but as far as the rest of your post goes - 'you can’t control other people in public' implies that you are including children in that, and I stand by my opinion that it's bollocks. You don't seem to have read too carefully yourself if you think all the child was doing was talking too much. She was preventing another child from speaking, and buttonholed a stranger to talk at her - do you really consider that OK?

And I stand by my view that to suggest anyone who doesn't want to be exposed to that sort of behaviour should just stay home is ridiculous. Children are part of society, yes – part. Adults' wishes and priorities matter too.

ThisGirlNever · 02/12/2022 22:38

antelopevalley · 02/12/2022 21:23

The most feral behaviour I have seen was a very posh mum with si children. I suspect they were usually looked after by the nanny as the children totally ignored her pleading and did whatever they felt like.

Did a 12 year old boy run up to a stranger in the park and lunch him in the face? That's what I witnessed a child do to a 20 year old lad on Platt Fields.

ThisGirlNever · 02/12/2022 22:39

*Punch him in the face

H34th · 02/12/2022 22:44

Reading your post annoyed me.
Not exactly sure why... just knowing that there's people like you, sat there judging five year olds... expecting for them to be 'controlled', seen but not heard...

Florenz · 02/12/2022 22:47

What is wrong with expecting people to control their children and not annoy others?

Daydreamreve · 02/12/2022 22:49

@RunLolaRun102 ahahahahahahahaha your child spoke in sentences at 9 months. Did they, aye?

MrsMorrisey · 02/12/2022 22:54

I remember looking forward to a colonoscopy so I could have some peace 😂

RobertaFirmino · 02/12/2022 23:06

Daydreamreve · 02/12/2022 22:49

@RunLolaRun102 ahahahahahahahaha your child spoke in sentences at 9 months. Did they, aye?

They do say that 'No' is a complete sentence!

bringincrazyback · 02/12/2022 23:19

H34th · 02/12/2022 22:44

Reading your post annoyed me.
Not exactly sure why... just knowing that there's people like you, sat there judging five year olds... expecting for them to be 'controlled', seen but not heard...

Show me where on this thread anyone has advocated 'seen and not heard'. The only context in which that has been mentioned has been to affirm that it isn't what anyone expects of children these days.

slowquickstep · 03/12/2022 08:07

H34th · 02/12/2022 22:44

Reading your post annoyed me.
Not exactly sure why... just knowing that there's people like you, sat there judging five year olds... expecting for them to be 'controlled', seen but not heard...

You think children shouldn't be controlled, does that include in the classroom, other peoples homes, Doctors waiting rooms etc Do think that they should just do as the please?

salsquiggle · 03/12/2022 08:26

@Florenz
What is wrong with expecting people to control their children and not annoy others?
THIS AND THIS ALONE.

Original poster
Eastie77Returns · 03/12/2022 08:33

Escapefromcolditz · 02/12/2022 13:56

DS has ASD and can do this for hours - talking at you at volume. Usually when he’s tired and not coping with all the other stimulus. Drove his teachers up the wall with whistling and humming to fill the silences and having absolutely no self control or sense of the other conversation participant as being in any way human or important or a person in their own right.

i try really hard to have it not inconvenience other people but sometimes I tune him out because the alternative is either drop kicking him into next week or messy crying into the cup of tea I’ve only bought because I bribed him with hot chocolate to go to school this morning. I try but I’m only human.

you saw some imperfect parenting. It’s good to know that there are perfect parents out there OP, but can you please extend your perfection to starting from the assumption of “people try their best” rather than “everyone else is a fuckwit” - it would make the world a better and more tolerant place for people like my DS.

I don’t think there are perfect parents. I’m certainly not one. I’m not sure where you’ve read my assumption that everyone else is a fuckwit.

I’ve said repeatedly I felt sorry for her mother as I’m sure it is exhausting to live with a child who talks non-stop.

However I can feel sympathy and annoyance at the same time. The two are not mutually exclusive. I didn’t convey my annoyance to the mother and tried my best with the child when she came over and interrupted me and my friend. If I was in a cafe with your son I’d behave in exactly the same way, I wouldn’t mention the noise to you and if he came over and spoke to me I’d reply. I try to be polite.

But I’m allowed to feel annoyed.

OP posts:
freyamay74 · 03/12/2022 09:29

It's nothing to do with 'perfect parenting' (wtf does that even mean?)

The bottom line is, people have an equal right to respect: to not be impacted by the behaviour of others.

Some posters are focussing on the other woman in this scenario, suggesting she might be at the end of her tether, the kid might have some sort of disability etc etc

What about everyone else in the cafe? What if they have a disability, what if they have sensory sensitivity and find it really bloody painful having a child banging on at an unreasonable volume? What if they're having a really shit day and at the end of their tether too?

It cuts both ways.

Ultimately if you take a kid into a public space you're responsible for managing the situation, and if their behaviour becomes unacceptable and you can't control it (which I get; no one can actually control anyone other than themselves) then you manage the situation by getting away. You don't just ignore your child while they continue to behave unreasonably

New posts on this thread. Refresh page