I know I am but this child was talking non stop for 45 minutes

[Eastie77Returns]

Went to a cafe with a friend this afternoon. A woman came in with 2 children aged about 5 who sat next to us. One of the children spoke loudly non-stop for the entire duration of our stay. It was loud enough that my friend and I couldn’t hear ourselves speak at times and when I say non-stop, the child did not stop at all.

On a few occasion child’s mother made a gentle shh sound but otherwise just stared into the middle distance. If we hadn’t ordered food we honestly would have left earlier. The talking was not the problem really it was the shouting and screeching “MUMMY DID YOU KNOW..” constantly. Loud child placed her hand over the mouth of the other child when that child tried to speak and shouted over her. At one point the child asked me about my book which was on the table next to me. I answered politely and she then proceeded to bellow at me for about 5 minutes. In the end I had to stop answering her as she would not stop. Mum did not intervene. The people on the other side got up and moved to another table at one point - sadly we were too slow to do the same.

We left as soon as we’d finished eating and got a coffee at another cafe nearby.

Flame away but oh my fucking god. AIBU to be really annoyed that the parent did nothing to stop this annoying child??! And yes, I have DC. One is very chatty and I would not have permitted this kind of loud behaviour.

lol that was probably the most attention that little girl has had in ages! You noticed her. 😄

Thought it was going to transpire that you'd told the kid to STFU, in which case YWDNBU 😂 Hate it when parents don't parent!!

Because posters like this think they’re the most perfect parent in existence or they don’t have children!

I really don’t get why kids as subjected to such over the top ridiculous expectations. There are a million and one things adults do in public that are unpleasant to me, they smell, they are rude to others, they have an annoying voice, they are loud etc but you can’t control them.
If there was another adult talking ‘non stop for 45 mins’ are you really going to expect them to stop because you don’t want to overhear it?

If you don’t want to deal with the public then don’t go out in public.

A child speaking while out in a cafe with its mum is totally normal.
Children repeating ‘mummy look, mummy watch, mummy did you know’ is totally normal.

I feel most sorry for the sibling who never got a word in! Why didn’t the mother intervene to stop loud child covering the other child’s mouth at the very least?

Why don’t parents with kids like this tell their Dc to be quiet for —at least—5 mins?

I used to say that to my v v v talkative DD, I’d say my brain needed a rest and I had to have quiet so they needed to —go away— leave me to get on with my stuff, in complete silence.

YABU, for all you know the child might have SN (such as ASD or ADHD) and may not even realise when they're talking loud. If that's the case the mother may not be able to stop them.

It's not really a great story is it? You engaged politely in brief conversation with an annoying person in a cafe and then stopped?

I have two chatty loud ones. Mainly I tell them to use their indoor voices when we are out and on the whole I try and keep them quiet ish for the benefit of others.

But ... If you found being with this child hard for 45minutes, imagine how exhausted the mum is!!

There are times when I, without realising, do absolutely nothing about my child's chatter and am oblivious because I'm knackered and used to it!!

Sorry!

And who is deciding the appropriate noise level in public spaces?

I find the background chatter of people overwhelming, the pointless talking about nothing on trains, in cafés. Yet I'm sure you advice to me would be (that because that's fine for me) to not go if I don't like it, tough. It's a public space. Wear ear defenders or keep away.

So, right back at you.

Children have a right to exist and to be in public spaces. Some kids are chatty or have ADHD etc. Yes parents should teach them manners so in this case should have intervened to stop them talking to you directly, although I struggle to believe that went on for 5 minutes as you claim.

However, if you are in a café ir restaurant or on public transport it's likely young children or indeed annoying adults will be there so... ear defenders or choose not to go.

They might have something wrong with them for all you know, so it is mean, it's a child not a dog you can tie up outside, short of gagging her child I'm not sure what you wanted the mum to do? Kids talk shit, some more than others.

Kids are annoying, I have 3 (they dont do what you describe here thankfully), but I'd go to a bar if I didn't want to be around other people's kids, it's always a risk when you go anywhere child friendly.

YANBU
I have three kids and my DH and I don't allow this rude behaviour.
Literally how are these children going to cope in the real world? It'll be a shock that they struggle making relationships if they pulverise people around them like you describe.

Is a trip out for lunch really the time to tell your child you need complete silence so your brain can have a rest?
No doubt someone else would have posted whinging if the kid was quiet with an IPad.
Or playing away from her chair in the cafe.

Some people just seem to expect children to be total statues.

Children repeating ‘mummy look, mummy watch, mummy did you know’ is totally normal.

It is NOT normal if the child does not stop to allow others to speak. They have to learn to talk part in polite conversation. That does not happen if they allowed to talk solidly for 45 mins whilst also covering the mouth of others.

It’s not fair to spoil other customers experience by allowing that kind of shit. Even worse is performance parenting when loud fucking shouty kid voices are encouraged whilst parent looks round grinning like a fucking twat trying to engage some fool in to making eye contact - as if to say “ aww isn’t my brat clever and entertaining?!! “ “ Errrr nope. Definitely just fucking annoying

Why don’t parents with kids like this tell their Dc to be quiet for at least5 mins?

Child may have additional needs. In which case that is like telling a person in a wheelchair to stand up.

You don't know. So don't judge.

If children annoy you go to adult only venues.

My thought too!
I have an autistic child with no ability to do volume control and who will do a sort of stream of consciousness chat. It is tiring! I do try to help him to be more socially acceptable most of the time but also (like this lady) some days I’m done in. I don’t feel bad about that. I’m human.

Yeh I think this is the issue for me. Chatting fine but parent should help child let sibling talk

I would have said something to the mother if the talking was very intrusive.
She may well have felt if no-one said anything, then no-one really minded.

This made me howl, bless you

I would have thought if your child was deaf or autistic or had special needs, and was openly and endlessly annoying a stranger nearby, you'd surely explain?

The risk otherwise is the adult tells them to shush fuck off or otherwise upsets them?

Did she make it clear the child was annoying her though? And even if she did I wouldn’t explain to a random ignorant sulking woman that my child has a hearing impairment. It’s non of her business and as an adult she should show more empathy towards children and have an understanding that sometimes children cannot help it and are not intentionally annoying those around them. She had the option to move seats or find another cafe 🤷🏻‍♀️

YABU the mother is probably overstimulated herself and needing a break!

It could have been worse, the kid could have been coming up to you and talking to you OP. They're the worst, especially when the parents don't call them back, as if they think I want to talk to their kid.

I would have probably made a few passive aggressive comments in your place though OP!

I have a two year old like this and I genuinely worry he will be that child at 5!