I know I am but this child was talking non stop for 45 minutes

[Eastie77Returns]

Went to a cafe with a friend this afternoon. A woman came in with 2 children aged about 5 who sat next to us. One of the children spoke loudly non-stop for the entire duration of our stay. It was loud enough that my friend and I couldn’t hear ourselves speak at times and when I say non-stop, the child did not stop at all.

On a few occasion child’s mother made a gentle shh sound but otherwise just stared into the middle distance. If we hadn’t ordered food we honestly would have left earlier. The talking was not the problem really it was the shouting and screeching “MUMMY DID YOU KNOW..” constantly. Loud child placed her hand over the mouth of the other child when that child tried to speak and shouted over her. At one point the child asked me about my book which was on the table next to me. I answered politely and she then proceeded to bellow at me for about 5 minutes. In the end I had to stop answering her as she would not stop. Mum did not intervene. The people on the other side got up and moved to another table at one point - sadly we were too slow to do the same.

We left as soon as we’d finished eating and got a coffee at another cafe nearby.

Flame away but oh my fucking god. AIBU to be really annoyed that the parent did nothing to stop this annoying child??! And yes, I have DC. One is very chatty and I would not have permitted this kind of loud behaviour.

Yep that's the prob patents have with children like this who may have either or both ADHD, ASD.

God we're so intolerant of kids aren't we? And someone suggested the parent should control kids. Haven't they grasped the concept if free will? We negotiate with children !

I haven’t found a pub that bans under 10s. Most ones I’ve been to are full of running screaming kids these days. The only adult only place I can think of is a nightclub or 18 certificate film, hardly great for a catch up?!

Instead of adult free places, maybe parents could parent?

Why do pp keep saying " if it annoyed you op, imagine how the mother feels"? It was the mother's choice to have that child not the op's, it doesn't matter how the mother feels its not op's problem! Also even if the child has SEN that is not an excuse for the parent to not even attempt to parent properly! I have two dc with SEN and both love to talk at you rather than with you and without pausing for breath I would not and have never allowed them to be unbearably loud or to annoy and interrupt other people in a public place! Im by no means a perfect parent but i do have consideration for others.

It's Mumsnet, what's the point of anything posted on here? Including this comment I just wrote.

You just sound moody lol

Yanbu.

Whether the kid is neuro-diverse or not, parents should be aware that other people are equally important and have a right to not be drowned out by a kid bellowing on and on. If that means leaving a cafe because they can't stop their kid from doing this then that's the solution. Why should other people feel they need to leave or move?

I'm perfectly aware that children aren't angels and one of mine was a real chatterbox. I'm also aware that I chose to have my kids; they aren't anyone else's responsibility and I've got no right to inflict annoying behaviour on the general public

My local pub is next door to a primary school and it’s not a place you want to be on a Friday afternoon after school.

I remember being at a cafe where the parents of children were zoning out them playing near an open manhole that was broken . They were playing a game of hopscotch jumping over it and I had to let them know that if one of them gets a leg stuck in there it could break . The reason being the lady from the shop was furiously on the phone to the council yet again to do something about it.
Anyway this group of parents carried on chatting ignoring their children completely . I think there are some that just let the shop or shopper or whoever do the childcare while they switch off . I think this was something my mother could get away with back in the 70s where my brother managed to swap every ski boot in the basement of a fancy restaurant with the owners similar aged son and we were frequently found at lost property but she was a really good mother just helicopter parenting wasn’t a thing back then.
In my day others did say a cheeky joke like sunburnt teeth should give them pause for thought.

We have this with our autistic son who has no volume control. He tries for a few minutes but honestly doesn't know he's doing it. I am sure mum is aware but it gets exhausting being on the receiving end, knowing it's an aspect of his disability and trying to gently manage it amidst stares and tuts from others. The alternative is he never gets to go out in the community. It's not an easy one.

My son is like this in private but he’s 11 and Neurodiverse. Ironically though in public he’s situationally mute.

Absolutely not @Eastie77Returns .. that’s not what I said at all. I said my professional experience shouts ADHD because in that description/snapshot, the behaviour/demeanour of the child strongly indicates that this might be the case

'It was the mother's choice to have that child not the op's, it doesn't matter how the mother feels its not op's problem! Also even if the child has SEN that is not an excuse for the parent to not even attempt to parent properly!'
Interesting that you comment from the perspective of an SEN parent. However, do we know this lady was the parent and not just hoping out? Do we choose to have neurodiverse children? And what about foster parents and adopters who literally try to take on these issues, usually with very little preparation?
I'm not saying inaction is the best course of action, but disabilities exist. Would we complain in a cafe that someone in a wheelchair is taking up too much space? I think invisible disabilities are so often viewed as behaviour issues rather than being seen for what they are. Great if you have found something that works for you and your children, but not everyone has sadly.

Sounds like the mother was worn down. She’s probably relieved during school hours. Perhaps the child has ADHD? I have sympathy for parents and children like this but I avoid them like the plague. Children who behave like this drive me insane.

Can children not be a pain in the arse without having some sort of condition these days?

I had similar whilst waiting to embark the plane one day. The parent was just on her phone ignoring the child. His sister said he's like this with everyone. Well is it a surprise when the parent does nothing?

@TigerRag no you cant just have a brat anymore they have to have something underlying unfortunately. In 'my day' they were just referred to as bold kids but apparently there are negative connotations to saying that too. An ex friend of mine had the worst child ever. Noisy, naughty etc. Never listened but then mammy would just ignore her most of the time. She would go and mess up homes and mammy was oblivious, on playdates try to talk at the parents instead of playing and the volume on her ipad was startling but mammy did not bat an eyelid. Kid is in her teens now and still a brat. NO SEN at all just a bloody bold kid. Some are out there. We are no longer friends cos I could not suffer the whinging voice of her little darling any longer.

@Devora13 comparing with a wheelchair user is a ridiculous statement. A wheelchair user is not adversely affecting others' enjoyment by being in a wheelchair. A child going on non stop in a loud voice (including firing questions at the OP) is affecting others.

And Of course no one chooses to have a child who has behaviour or learning differences which can cause problems. But that's not the point. There are no guarantees when we embark on parenthood. One of my three was much more challenging than the other two, noisier, more physical, more difficult to manage. It did mean restricting some activities while they were small, because I respected the fact that my kid isn't the centre of everyone else's universe and that it was fairer all round to curtail some activities.

Could you not have moved table? The mum staring into the middle distance sounds like she was having a bad day. Maybe overwhelmed/ sleep deprived. I try and work on the basis that anyone with a buggy is probably surviving off no sleep and not functioning optionally. I remember days where I was just drifting through the motions, saying excuse me long after I'd passed people and just sort of peering out of my skull. It wasn't all the time, but the bad days were bad and normally I'd manage the old social conventions and power of speech a bit better.

Still I think YANBU, though I would have moved table.

My first time out in a pub for a cheeky bottle of wine with an old friend and first very adult time since DC1 was born and some random kid came and brought their dinner to our table and just sat next to me. Another kid kept bringing us everyone else's table numbers as prizes. We were trying to have a particularly NSFW discussion (obviously didn't) and didnt live in the same city so was a rare chance to catch up. It was definitely frustrating but we laughed about it. It was so ludicrous.

I’ve answered the move table suggestion a few times: there was one spare and the customers sitting on the other side of this child quickly moved to it as she was disturbing their conversation as well.

The mother didn’t have a newborn or buggy (I do recall the sleep deprived days when mine were tiny). She may still have been exhausted and I did say up thread I felt sorry for her.

The child who came and sat on your table with their meal…how bizarre. I would have told them to leave. Although on the basis of some of the responses on this thread that would have been cruel as the child was probably Neurodiverse and the parents deserved a break and the chance to eat in peace as they “have to live with the child all the time”.

No as the adult you make the rules. Do you think Teachers, Police Officers etc should be negotiating with children ? No wonder the country is shot

@freyamay74
Okay let me put this another way. I have several times recently been in a public space with someone who has a young person who is non verbal and makes lots of loud noises as a way to communicate. Should they also 'control the child' or not take them out in public to avoid offending others? Yet a lot of perceived 'bad behaviour' where there is neurodiversity is also down to the way brains are 'wired'. Perhaps pubs and bars should provide 'adult only' areas? And perhaps the aforementioned people with learning difficulties should be banned from them also once they become adults?
Don't get me wrong, every effort should be made to help these youngsters interact in a way that doesn't bother others, and we do sometimes resort to allowing (volume off) technology. At the same time, I recognise, from my work with struggling SEN parents, that there are just days when it's all too much.

For me that wouldn’t be a problem, the issue would be the kid coming up to me and talking to me when I really couldn’t care less. I wouldn’t have been as tolerant as the OP and would have told her to go back to her own table and wouldn’t have engaged with her.

I was once having a quiet meal in a restaurant. I hate little kids coming in. A family with a child came in. The little girl came right upto me, pointed and asked what was I eating. I ignored her. She didn't shut up and I asked the waiters to move me, which they did but she'd spoiled my alone time.

Feel for the mother!! Her Child could have been autistic……

Wretched child was obviously trying to attract her distracted mother's attention. Some people are just not capable of dealing with children.
I think I would simply have left - and I've no idea why you would have responded to her questions about your book.
My GD has times when she goes on and on with questions, but if I respond and pay her attention she calms down.