I know I am but this child was talking non stop for 45 minutes

[Eastie77Returns]

Went to a cafe with a friend this afternoon. A woman came in with 2 children aged about 5 who sat next to us. One of the children spoke loudly non-stop for the entire duration of our stay. It was loud enough that my friend and I couldn’t hear ourselves speak at times and when I say non-stop, the child did not stop at all.

On a few occasion child’s mother made a gentle shh sound but otherwise just stared into the middle distance. If we hadn’t ordered food we honestly would have left earlier. The talking was not the problem really it was the shouting and screeching “MUMMY DID YOU KNOW..” constantly. Loud child placed her hand over the mouth of the other child when that child tried to speak and shouted over her. At one point the child asked me about my book which was on the table next to me. I answered politely and she then proceeded to bellow at me for about 5 minutes. In the end I had to stop answering her as she would not stop. Mum did not intervene. The people on the other side got up and moved to another table at one point - sadly we were too slow to do the same.

We left as soon as we’d finished eating and got a coffee at another cafe nearby.

Flame away but oh my fucking god. AIBU to be really annoyed that the parent did nothing to stop this annoying child??! And yes, I have DC. One is very chatty and I would not have permitted this kind of loud behaviour.

Children are allowed to be outside their own homes they are allowed to be loud and take up space!

Have you ever heard of those places called parks? They're just the ticket for taking loud children they've got lots of space as well. A cafe is not such a place.

Yes the mum should’ve 100% been parenting her child but she wasn’t. OP was the one who ended up inconvenienced. She should’ve spoken up.
I wonder how many people in cafes have indulged the little girl in her incessant ‘conversations’.
She’s getting encouragement from somewhere.

After noticing her for that long, there’s no way I’d have spent time chatting to her about my book.
Tbh, I’ve no interest in other people’s children though.

Was it the OP’s job? Certainly not? Considering how inconvenienced she felt ( understandably), she should’ve spoken up. Or moved faster haha!

OP, yanbu for expecting parents to parent their children in public.

It’s a shared space. Children are fully entitled to be there but parents should not allow them to get into other people’s spaces in this way.

Those who feel their children deserve to speak as loudly and whoever they want are surely bringing up entitled people

What’s inherently wrong about an inquisitive 5 year old asking about the plot line of a book? Would you prefer said child didn’t know what a book was?

Rather depends what the book was. I’m currently reading a hard science fiction novel and I’m not sure I could explain the plot in terms a 5 year old could understand. I wouldn’t want to have to explain the plot of a serial killer murder mystery or psychological thriller to a 5 year old either.

When it comes down to it, this was such a non-event.
The kid was too loud. You engaged with her in the first place and then tried to convey through passive aggressive cues that you no longer wanted to talk to her. She didn’t pick up on it because she is a small child. The mother didn’t do anything about it (and let’s just go with it and say) because she was rude. In that instance, you have to actually say something.
Be direct and tell the mother her child is too loud or go get the manager and complain.
If the point of this post was People shouldn’t be rude then no they shouldn’t be, but they sometimes are 🤷‍♀️
If it was to get it off your chest and have a moan about it, you need to get a grip on reality. A child spoke loudly and made your lunch less pleasant. I hope you never get mugged 🙄

This 100% . Tired of all the “ there was a baby crying in my flight , restaurant , hair salon . Ffs children are part of society

Some people with special needs are never able to "fit into society" the way you feel they should - despite all the help they get - what then? I suppose you think they should be locked away in homes, like in Victorian times, just so people like you don't have to look at them??

No, I expect them and their caregivers to choose venues, services and community spaces where the environment fits better with their behavioural needs. This is generally what happens. Disabled adults don't enjoy disrupting a space for others around them, and skilled carers will know this and help them access experiences which work better for them.

I'm sure people with challenging behaviour and specialist needs don't expect to have their identities wheeled out like this whenever someone wants to make a point about noisy children. Disabled people should not be compared to noisy children, ever.

A lot of the people on this thread are clearly projecting and very defensive as OP clearly hit a nerve. I was the loud screaming child in a cafe growing up and you know what? I'll say it. My parents sucked at parenting. I know it, my siblings know it.

They ignored a lot of issues that could have prevented a lot of bad outcomes. They also did a lot of things that make us look back and cringe. And honestly there was a lot of emotional neglect happening. For instance they would let my siblings and I basically bully each other and do nothing for HOURS until it finally hit a boil and we started screaming or punching each other. Then they would just start screaming bloody murder at us. This was something 100% avoidable looking back. But whenever we said something they would just tell us not to tattle on each other. That used to confuse me. It no longer does. They just didn't feel like dealing with us.

They didn't want to parent and the parents on this thread that are super triggered also sound like they are just upset that others are intolerant of their unwillingness to parent.

@Keyansier I think it's not the chatterbox that's annoying, but the loudness of it!

So others around should act as impromptu childminder so she can have one??

Oh dear, DD was a chatterbox too although not a noisy one.

I'd find a very loud child a bit irritating but TBH no more irritating then any other too loud person. DH and I had dinner in a restaurant recently where a man talked AT FULL VOLUME, LITERALLY AS LOUD AS SHOUTING the whole way through.

@HKM2B can you please list the additional ways I could have made this “more pleasant for all involved?” I replied to the child when she questioned me. I smiled, responded, explained what the book was about and who the picture on the front depicted. Nodded and listened when she told me about the book she read at school.

The mother of the child sat in silence and did not at any point intervene and try to steer the girl’s ongoing questions and stream of consciousness to an end.

Meanwhile the friend I was meeting sat patiently waiting for this to end. Prior to this we had struggled to hear each other due to the little girl’s volume when she was talking incessantly (the issue was the loudness not the fact she was talking. I don’t believe children should sit in silence) so at this point our catch up had been somewhat derailed. At no point did either of us complain about this or behave in an unpleasant way to the child or her mother.

We ate as the child continued shouting, paid and left so we could go to a quieter cafe.

Apart from venting on here, which is unacceptable according to some, I’m not what I did that was so terrible.

Tired of all the “ there was a baby crying in my flight , restaurant , hair salon . Ffs children are part of society

Of course they are. But there is an obvious difference between normal or low volume chatter, with due consideration for others around you in shared public space, and what the OP describes. She describes 45 minutes of high volume noise, a child bullying another child, and frankly rude behaviour from both mother and child.

In shared public space, the child was allowed to make so much noise that those around this family could not hear each other speak.

In whose view is that ever acceptable?

A child spoke loudly and made your lunch less pleasant. I hope you never get mugged

So we can only post about very serious matters? Who knew?

But some adults have special needs, loud noises and being spoken to by a stranger can be uncomfortable and unmanageable for them. Surely rather than say children do as they please and adults with additional needs remove themselves there's probably more of a middle ground.

Isn’t it so pathetic when posters go all drama llama because someone isn’t having the worst life ever? I’d love an insight into the lives of these people. I imagine them constantly with their hand to their forehead and begging for sniffing by salts.

No but you can expect not to be taken seriously if you post about something as silly as this.

My sister was this child, down to the covering my mouth part. She’s still like this as an adult though thankfully doesn’t cover mouths anymore - just talks over everyone else like a conversational steamroller.

I think it’s a huge part of why I live alone and don’t have kids. 😂

YANBU OP, it sounds dreadful and I’d be thanking my lucky stars I didn’t have to take the kid home with me.

Apart from venting on here, which is unacceptable according to some, I’m not what I did that was so terrible.

You didn't do anything terrible. You were far more patient than I would have been, I'd have sent her back to her own table so her mother could engage with her (there's a reason I don't have children!).

Threads like this always make it patently obvious which parents I would avoid like the plague. 😆 so much outrage about someone expecting to be able to hear their friend over a coffee, rather than the irritating little twerp at the next table.

My daughter does this on trains and buses, she has a loud tone when speaking, usually conversations between her dolls, she isnt speaking to anyone. She is 4 now and I have noticed the last weeks it is getting better. When she was three I would tell her mummy is beside you you can speak normally, lower volume and she would get upset which was worse. She is better now, I suppose she is also learning social skills, she sometimes forgets but is more amenable to lowering volume. Poor mum, she has this day in day out by the sound of it. Poor you and your catch up, these things happen.

Why go to the trouble of posting on a thread about a non-event?

I’m trying to work out what my “passive aggressive” cues were.

You think I should have complained to the manager about a loud 5 year old? 😂

I have been mugged. Not pleasant but at least they ran off after a few seconds unlike this annoying child!

My partners were profoundly deaf and went to a boarding school for deaf children. They were caned if they used sign language and every effort was made to ensure they could "function" in "normal" society.

Nowadays people are more aware of the communication needs of deaf people and you see sign language everywhere (I even saw it in a recent tour of the Spurs stadium). And deaf people aren't expected to hide or change who they are but embrace their differences and others are expected to be more accompanying of them. Not the other way around.

Thankfully as society becomes more educated about differences some of us learn to be more accommodating of them, or at least mindful of why people behave like they do. Others unfortunately still expect those with difference to be the accommodating ones and locked up if at all possible so as not to impinge on the lives for "normal" (ie neuro typical, able bodied replace as needed) people.

I answered the questions and then turned away from the child several times with a , making it clear the conversation was at an end.

These passive aggressive cues. Maybe to an adult someone pointedly turning away makes it clear you no longer want to talk to them but a small child is much less likely to pick up on this.
No I absolutely don’t think you should have complained to the manager. You would have sounded absolutely ridiculous. That was the point.

Does your child sit quietly in class ?